


Roommates to Soulmates

by SerArthurHeath



Category: The Freshman Series (Visual Novels)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 21:09:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 71,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19237144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerArthurHeath/pseuds/SerArthurHeath
Summary: Kaitlyn had known she liked girls since she was 13, but growing up to traditional Asian origin parents and in a religious school in conservative Texas, she's never had the opportunity to embrace and accept herself.She has been excited for months about starting at Hartfield College, a notable liberal university, and planning about how she can come out there and discover who she really is.The issue is, baring who she is and who she loves to a fresh audience is harder than she had imagined, especially when she's terrified of how she feels wrecking her new friendships, one with the most important person of her new life.





	1. Brand New Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all  
> This will be a slow-ish building work. It looks at the whole Freshman Series (and I hope beyond its conclusion) from the perspective of Kaitlyn (because I feel some of her reactions in particular deserve to be seen from her side, and she's my ship with the MC), in a version of the story where the MC (here called Amelie Moreau, as in my Choices Game) picks her as her girlfriend.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> I hope I can capture her voice

"Alright sweetie, that's iteverything. Let's go grab a hot chocolate before your dad and I have to go*

"Alright, mum, thanks so much. I can't believe I'm finally here! I'm so excited!"

Kaitlyn was indeed excited to be here, partly because she wanted to experience new things, was keen to she what learning about subjects you actually cared about was like, but most of all to experience and learn about one thing above all others: herself.

 

You see, Kaitlyn was gay. She knew this. Had known it since puberty, had felt nothing in her first kiss with a boy and everything when she'd repeated that experience with an equally nervous girl. Had spent high school ashamed as she tried to ignore her feelings for friends, keeping her eyes down in the changing rooms lest she gawk at the bodies around her and feel like she were betraying her schoolmates or, worse, giving herself away.

But mum and dad, they did not know. Neither did hardly anyone back home. She'd had a couple of hidden, casual girlfriends, kissed and held hands with girls enough to know that was what she wanted. But her school in Austin wasn't very... forward thinking in that area. She had told almost none of her friends, knowing many of them held prejudices against "that kind of thing". And certainly she had never told her parents. From Taiwan, and her dad especially holding traditional values dear and actively pushing her to date family friends and open about his wish for a son-in-law and a future grandchild or two, she knew from his other views that what he wanted was not a lesbian daughter. She wanted to give him what he wanted, had fought and pressed hard and tried to rationalise her feelings, her identity, for so long. But she had come to realise that she couldn't give it to him. She owed it to herself to be herself.

She wasn't ready to let them know that, though. So she had spent the last year stuck in Limbo, caught between lying to herself and disappointing her parents, the people that meant the world to her, unable to truly take either path.

This was a fresh start. Away from eyes that knew her, and in a place that would be less against... how she felt, she could finally explore that side of herself without fear, and once she really KNEW what that was, who she was, she would have the words to tell her parents.

 

That thought terrified her, and dragged her back to the present.

 

She finished a pastry and hot beverage with her mum and dad before they kissed her goodbye, wished her good luck and set off for their journey back to Texas. She would miss them, and waved them off with tears in her eyes. They had been everything to her, and as their only child she everything to them and she loved them very much. That's why she was so scared of disappointing them, but why she had to find the courage to risk it. 

_This is it. I can tell my roommates I'm a lesbian from the off, make new friends and finally work out what this part of me means. There's nothing to hold me back now. Nothing is going to stop me now I'm here._

She spent the next couple of hours rearranging and decorating what she had been allocated as her room. She looked around the whole suite. It was a pretty decent size, but then it would be holding 3 girls and 3 boys. New friends, she hoped.

Nobody else turned up for a while. It looked like 4 of her 5 roommates had already settled in, but one didn't have any stuff here yet.

Then, she heard the door open, and an exclamation of how big the flat was.

Kaitlyn squealed with excitement.

 

"Ah! new roomie You're finally here... And covered in coffee?" 

The girl who had just entered was dressed in pretty chic clothes, but they looked drenched in light brown liquid. The newcomer quipped back quickly though, in a slightly husky voice and New England accent. A local girl then. Kaitlyn looked up as she joked: "well, haven't you heard it's the hottest trend right now?"

Witty. And, as she took in the face of the young woman before her, she realised pretty as well. Verrrry pretty, with shoulder length dark hair, tan skin, plump lips and deep brown eyes which revealed her Asian origin like Kait's own. An unconscious flick of the eyes downwards confirmed that she had the body to match, slim but with... assets, and poise. Kaitlyn felt her face warm up as she replied.

"Well, it's definitely a look you are pulling off. You are like, super pretty." 

That was an appropriate greeting, right? She was super pretty. Almost worryingly attractive for her roommate, and frankly exactly her type. Roommate was not a good place to be looking for a date though. That would get messy.

Pretty girl didn't help things with her retort. 

"Thanks! You're super hot!" Said without an iota of irony, with a smile on her face. Kaitlyn knew she was blushing now. She definitely liked this girl. But she shouldn't. And, just like that, she found a barrier to coming out - she was really worried about making things weird. Right now it might seem that she was shy and friendly, but if she came out as gay it would be obvious that she was into this person and that could get awkward, even if, and it was unlikely when you looked at the numbers, the other girl even liked girls- even if she was okay with girls who liked girls!

_Crap._

But, the compliment was nice, from such a pretty person, so she couldn't help but smile and flirt, very very gently.

She showed her new roommate/crush, who it turned out was called Amelie, Amelie Moreau, to her room, chatted about who else they might share the suite with, and then made a pretty bold reference to dating roommates.

_What are you doing, Kaitlyn, that's a bad idea! Just be friends..._

And got back a slightly flirty "I'll bear that in mind..."

_I don't know what to make of that... Is she interested or am I just wishing she is?_

Things weren't helped as they headed to Freshers' Fair, in itself fine except for the presence of the bitch, Becca, who had thrown coffee on Kait's new bestie. Kaitlyn took an immediate disliking to her but classy Amelie took the high road on meeting her again with refined dignity that frankly just made her hotter.

Then they arrived at the slip and slide, and her determination to ignore this crush and make this a platonic friendship took a huge hit when she saw Amelie in her bikini, taut abs and sexy curves on show and very distracting. 

Finally, Kaitlyn not signing up to clubs this semester, wanting to focus on studying and her identity, they headed home. Trying to get a read on Amelie, she pointed out a hot guy or two, getting a non-committal reply.

Back at the apartment, they quickly met the other roommates- openly gay, confident sounding Zack (she wished she could share his courage), shy artsy Abbie and geeky Tyler. And finally, chiselled pretty boy Chris.

She noticed a bit of chemistry between Amelie and Chris, who had met earlier that day and started Becca's attack on Amelie (out of jealousy, it seemed). When Amelie didn't deny some interest, she made her decision.

_I can't have Amelie, she already feels like a great friend and if she likes Chris, she's probably straight. But I can help her and help myself get over her and be able to come out if I get them together._

And she knew the best way to do that. Booze. And Truth or Dare. Or in this case, Truth or Truth, her trademarked secret sharing alternative. This was going to happen. Tonight. 


	2. Lying to Myself Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Life and work been busy

The rest of the house all, after minimal coercion, seemed game for Truth or Truth, and Kaitlyn made sure to get the atmosphere flowing with some wine she had brought from home (hidden away unbeknownst to her parents of course). As well as Chris and Amelie, who she was determined to match up, sensing a vibe between them and to take Amelie off the market and out of her own mind so she could focus on her as a friend, she had also noticed sexual chemistry, or at least quiet introspective pining, between Abbie and Tyler. Well, she wasn't an introvert, at least most of the time, and she would do the hard work to get these relationships on the road. Matchmaking time...

 

Before they started, she had taken Amelie down with her to get the booze, but really to ask her about Chris, to see if her suspicion was correct. Amelie had stayed mute on the matter, but seemed interested in whether he had a girlfriend.

 

_Surely I'm right? He's cute anyway, and he's into her for sure... Plan is still ready to go ahead!_

And so the game started. Despite trying to get her new bestie a chance to quiz Chris straight away, Zack insisted that Kaitlyn herself get the first question, still from Amelie.

And it was an awkward one.

"Kaitlyn... Who was your first kiss and what was it like?"

_New crush, asking about my first kiss, whilst I'm toying with coming out... Well, at least I won't have to lie without outing myself_

 

"Urgh. You had to go there? It was awful, a guy called Aaron in middle school, he'd just eaten a jalapeno too, so it burnt my mouth"

That hadn't been the only reason she'd hated it. It had been a game at a party at school, the classic Seven Minutes Of Heaven. She'd been trying to work out her sexuality then, struggling with the fact that she just didn't fancy boys and found girls entrancing to look at, and that kiss had sealed the deal. It did nothing for her, and she knew she was gay, a knowledge cemented a week later when she shared a chaste kiss with Harper, a girl in her class. That, a brief peck, had sent fireworks through her insides.

She did leave a hint out there though, so that her coming out later on wouldn't be completely out of the blue. "...and I haven't been near guys or jalapenos since!". 

_Let's see if anyone picks up on that._

Anyway, the game progressed. They bantered, found out about Abbie's fantasies, Kaitlyn's exploits skinny-dipping, Zack's ideal man... Until eventually Amelie got her shot to question Chris.

Kaitlyn whispered to her "Remember to keep it subtle..."

She did, to a degree. Though maybe a bit too heavy...

"Have you ever been in love?"

Wow. The answer was yes, but he'd broken up with that girl on heading to college. Operation Chriselie was still viable. And with that in mind, Kaitlyn wound down the game, grinning though hurting just a little inside when Chris and Amelie stayed behind for "a talk".

 

_I'll find out how that went in the morning, but my girl is in there._

 


	3. Work

It turned out that the answer to "what happened" between Amelie and Chris... wasn't much.

"Seriously? You guys were so hot for each other during the game!".

Kaitlyn felt disappointed that her plan hadn't worked, and in truth sounded like it would continue to fail - Amelie said she wasn't as in to him as he was into her anyway, and that he wasn't looking for a relationship right now after his last girlfriend, whereas she had no interest in one night stands. There had been a hint of spark, but she was pretty sure that Chris wasn't the one for her and hadn't done, and had no intention of doing, anything with him.

A small, treacherous part of Kait's heart, however, bubbled up in elation. If they had ended up together, she would have been delighted for her new friend, and relieved that she could stop fixating on her, but that part of her, she knew, wouldn't be able to help but be envious. 

After general chitchat, Kaitlyn went off to her room to listen to some music, earphones in of course. Amelie had popped out to take a call from her parents, and then hopefully the whole flat would be able to enjoy their last day before lectures started for the first time. 

Midway through the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, she heard a strangled yell of frustration. Tossing aside her iPhone, she ran out into the lounge to see a distressed Amelie, tears welling in her eyes, faced scrunched in dismay.

"What happened?!" 

"Well, it turns out my parents don't have any money any more and I might have to leave. We are poor now, dad lost his job..."

 _Oh man, that sucks. She's only just got here, and she seemed so excited for classes, and she's so sweet..._ Not one iota of Kaitlyn's mind turned to the idea of how much easier it might be without the distracting allure of her roommate. Her new friend needed help, and she was going to be there for her. Plus she already found that she liked Amelie as person more naturally and instantly than any of her previous friends. 

Staying would be difficult though. Amelie could work a job to earn spending money but it would hardly cover the surplus for rent and tuition, even allowing for the student loans she had taken out.

_Damn this unfair education system, our country's obsession with unsupported earning has a lot to answer for._

Together the housemates made a plan to see if there were any scholarships that might cover the cost, inspired by a good idea from Chris. Kaitlyn went with Amelie to find out, now inwardly pretty anxious that she would lose her new friend and that poor Amelie's life would be turned upside down, but keeping a perky outside face on things. 

Obviously it turned out that Amelie was a honour-student valedictorian, with sporting pedigree to back that up too. She couldn't have decided to have any traits that made her less attractive and thus less troublesome to Kaitlyn, of course. Ticking the sporty, athletic, smart boxes alongside beautiful, stylish, witty and kind. It didn't make any difference though. Those scholarships were all gone, and only one remained, as assistant to Professor Vasquez, a famous author with infamous temper who lectured here. The Head of Pastoral Care, Ms Twombly, was sure that she wouldn't last the year - apparently no other applicants ever had. But the scholarship came with tuition and accommodation covered, so Amelie, determination on her pretty face, resolved to go for it.

They visited Vasquez's office together straight away, Kaitlyn committed to being there to support her friend. As it happened, they met a Senior student there, one James Ashton, who worked as a slightly more prestigious assistant to Professor Vasquez. Amelie had apparently crossed paths with him before, and Kaitlyn again noted the interest in James' eyes and the slight flirtation coming from her friend, gently teasing the handsome man in front of them.

_Well well well. Maybe this is attempt number two - this guy is pretty intellectual, and it looks like he and Amelie have a few interests in common, like literature and light sarcasm, and they look like a good match. This seems a deeper connection than with Chris, worth a try._

Before she could try and stoke the romantic fires, however, he was called away by the cantankerous voice next door that could only be Vasquez, and Kaitlyn found her determination to find love for Amelie sidetracked in a major way. 

She found James' play, that he had just told them about, and, by fortune or misfortune, ended up on a page with a romantic scene. For fun, she suggested that she and Amelie role play it out, and to her surprise, delight and consternation Amelie agreed. Kaitlyn picked the part of the stableboy, Will, which resulted in some flirting between them that, unwelcome in some ways, still sent a pleasant shiver down Kait's spine. As they acted it out, reading a frankly steamy script that suggested some hidden kinkiness from the seemingly decorous author, Amelie followed the stage directions to the letter, holding her closely, delivering the lines with real intensity and touching her face...

It was almost too much. Kaitlyn was profoundly reminded that she was, no matter how hard she tried to find someone else for her, completely entranced by this straight girl. Her touch was like gentle fire, sending red colour and warmth through her skin and hot blood through her chest, her husky voice beckoning to her soul and the lips now inches from hers demanded to be kissed. 

She fought off that urge, but was embarrassed to find that all that heat was being redirected to her groin, and she was beginning to become a little wet. 

Probably for the best, James interrupted them, leaving both embarrassed to be caught reading his play, though he seemed happy that they were impressed with his writing. Vasquez was ready for Amelie now anyway, so Kaitlyn bid her good luck and went to see how things went back at the apartment.

When Amelie came back 30 minutes after her, she came with mixed news. She had been given the post by Vasquez, but the man was a lunatic. He wanted her to transcribe a thousand page novel by handtyping by the next day, or she'd lose the position. 

_Lucky she has us._

The whole six of them, refusing to let Amelie be driven away so soon, teamed up to bash out the novel. In the meantime, Kaitlyn tried to delve again into the Chris-Amelie relationship, and was now pretty convinced that she wasn't into him. At the same time, she subtly pushed Tyler and Abbie together, and gave a wry smile as Amelie showed her own matchmaking skills by going with Zack to get coffee after their supply, the thing getting them through this slog of a nightshift, ran out. She knew that Amelie was going mostly to help set up Zach with his crush, Brandon, and it judging by the happy face Zach returned sporting, it had been a success. On quizzing Zach later, he had gotten Brandon's number with Amelie's help. 

_I'm proud - I know from painful experience how tough it can be putting yourself out there to a member of the same sex after all. Plus I'm proud of her for helping him, learning from the master - me!_

They finally finished the novel, and whilst Amelie went to hand it in to her new sponsor, Kaitlyn and the others went back to sleep. 

It seemed that Vasquez, though not polite about it, was satisfied with the work, and had essentially set the task as a test to push them all and see how they reacted as part of a giant experiment to gather perspective for his next novel. He sounded like a dick. Whatever kept Amelie in college though. Her next task was to interview a football player, which would bring her to Chris, but Kaitlyn was sure by now, unlike the other housemates who were still pushing the two together, that she was a better match for James. 

She left things be and went to explore some of the sorority possibilities, to plan how to approach the next few weeks on a social side of things, listened to more music and quickly caught up with the early semester schoolwork they had been set. When she reentered the situation later on, all she could tell was that Chris was upset about something - it transpired nothing to do with Amelie but rather that he was on the bench rather than starting in the Football team's opening game of the season.

This made sense really, given that he's a Freshman and the team captain played Quarterback just like him, but for a Football scholar it probably hurt. Luckily, Kaitlyn had a plan. With a little help from the rest of them, she would cheer Chris up, they couldn't be having a mopey house. They all painted Chris's name, one letter for each of them, on their torsos, ready for their big moment.

The game itself was a close affair, with the lead changing hands, and all looked lost when Darren, the aforementioned QB and Captain, broke his ankle right at the end. But that gave Chris his chance to prove himself, boosted on by their cries and their "body-banner". To none of their surprise, he made the game-winning pass, and to Kaitlyn's disgust but not surprise he was preyed upon immediately post game by a flock of vultures from Kappa Phi Sigma, including Amelie's nemesis, Becca. Urgh.

The good news though, was that it got them invited to, and into (after some flirtatious queue jumping from herself and Amelie) a notorious event - a KPS house party. The vulture in chief was still preying on Chris, and whatever her thoughts on him romantically, Amelie was clearly determined not to let the girls keep him there and let a bitch like Becca into his life and their flat. With awe-inspiring but unsurprising skill, she beat Becca at beer-pong, but... after talking to Chris, he still seemed to end up staying at the Sorority House with Becca.

Despite everything, she seems sad and confused. Now I am too, I wish I could make things better.

The affair seemed to please Vasquez though, in essay form. And the interference of the Sorority inspired him to give Amelie another task, one that genuinely excited Kaitlyn when she found out what it was and how she could help with it. She's be delighted to help Amelie with anything of course, but this task was right down her street and something she had half-wanted to do anyway. They were going to rush Kappa Phi Sigma. 


	4. Hey Soul Sister

Giddy with excitement, Kaitlyn followed Amelie into the Kappa house for Rush. After some coaxing they had managed to persuade the shy Abbie to join them, though with the seemingly timid introvert as well as Amelie, of whom they all knew sorority president Becca was envious, Kaitlyn was worried their venture could go out in a blaze of shame.

However the snobbish rich girl seemed to be in a mellow mood, arguably mildly welcoming.

_To be fair, as much as she dislikes Amelie, she must be able to see the potential in her as a member of their sorority. She's fun, stunning, athletic, smart and sassy..._

Kaitlyn blushed. She was trying hard not to crush on her best friend here but it was so difficult when the girl ticked practically ever box that made her perfect woman list. Except gay, probably, which was kind of the clincher sadly. She refocussed on what the Kappa leadership was saying: in contrast to the petty Becca, Madison was a sweetheart, not particularly lateral thinking but some of the girls in her classes had said that she was surprisingly academically adept for all her scattiness. Whatever else, she was definitely nice.

Abbie seemed nervous, this not being her crowd. They had helped butter her up to come here by helping to push her into spending time with Tyler - the two of them obviously fancied each other but were both too bashful and oblivious to act on it before the other, which was kind of frustrating Kaitlyn. Amelie and Chris had had a similar weird vibe, though Amelie insisted she wasn't into him, and that had ended up with Chris dating Becca. He and Amelie had seemed on good terms having coffee earlier despite the Kappa president's presence, but Kait was still surprised that their chemistry hadn't paid off and she was worried that if the rest of them didn't step in Becca and Tyler could fall the same way. Amelie said Abbie was homesick and missing her sister as well, which made sense and probably didn't improve her mood. Kaitlyn had no siblings but always wished that she had a sister. Well, now she'd treat Abbie like one, and that meant helping distract her as well as help Amelie, whether that was with this sorority escapade or by matchmaking her and Tyler.

The introductory speeches had finished now, and Amelie, impossibly sexy in pink lace, exchanged some quips with Becca and niceties with Madison. The former seemed to like the sass she got actually - it seemed she was a give it out and take it in return kind of lady. Kaitlyn ignored her and spoke to the nice leader though.

"Hey Madison! Your clubhouse is really amazing, and it sounds like you are really supportive of all the girls here. I really hope we can make it in!"

"Thanks sweetie! I'm sure you will, you two certainly look the part," her smile was genuine and beautiful, but without the sarcasm or dry wit that Amelie seemed to produce with breezy effortlessness, Kaitlyn just couldn't fancy her. "The plan for the rest of the evening is so much fun, I just know you'll love it, and I know you girls will do great!"

Becca and Madison had to move on to inspect more of the pledges now, and so Kait suggested something very risky but that she just felt by intuition was the right move here - to sneak into Becca's bedroom to look for any clues of how they could get an advantage.

_Or find leverage to use against her with Chris_ , she thought but didn't verbalise. Amelie wouldn't like that being part of the plan, but Kaitlyn still had the secondary objective of helping set them up if it were possible. Well, either them or Amelie and James. It was good to keep the Chris option open though.

Indeed they did find Becca's diary in her lavish room, and Amelie was wrestling whether to start reading it before they were caught by the president herself. However, as Kait had suspected might happen, Becca seemed to respect their ambition and boldness rather than get aggressive. 

_Risk worth taking, then. Right, what happens next..._

More speeches it turned out, but leading to the first task of the evening. A scavenger hunt on the college ground, for the sorority's founder's scarf or shawl or something. With Abbie, Amelie and herself, and some help from Zach's dreamboy Brandon, they quickly rattled through the clues and were successful, even managing to pick up Tyler for part of the journey, with the double-win of helping give him time with Abbie and taking him out of the sight of a potential rival, a gamer girl called Leila who seemed much more confident to go after what she wanted than Abbie. Kaitlyn could respect that, but Abbie was her sister now and this other girl was not. By the end of the evening, when Tyler had left so as to not intrude on the sorority, the chemistry between those two was clearly budding. Kaitlyn smiled, before thinking about the other member of their crew.

Amelie's quick mind had again shone to the fore in a several of the clues, and Kaitlyn again found herself fixated on her beautiful, sparkling eyes and clever brain, before getting dragged onto her lush curves just framed and hidden with lace. She had to shake her head to clear her thoughts and get them out of the gutter. 

_Just a friend, Kaitlyn. She has no interest in you._

The Kappas were suitably impressed with their victory and allowed all 3 girls to proceed to the next stage, sending the other wannabes home. 

The next stage, it turned out, was some quality bonding time with high level Kappas. And it came in the form with which Kaitlyn was most comfortable - drinking games! It was great. They started with Truth or Dare, and Amelie classily deflected some snarky queries into how she felt about Chris and Becca being together before various other bits of info were dragged out, but Becca seemed to be growing bored with the format. Kaitlyn didn't understand how.

_Succeed or not, this has been fun! The game but also the whole night. Just fun with my girls._

Great minds thinking alike, the sorority girls had mirrored Kaitlyn's idea of a Truth or Dare variation, but going for the more adventurous inverse of her game on the rooftop - Dare or Dare. Only the pledges would be eligible to be asked to do things. Throughout, worried that Amelie would be the victim of some cruel joke from the girl who didn't like her, Kaitlyn kept stealing glances at her to make sure she was ok, every time astounded at her beauty and poise, eyes lingering a little longer with every peek. 

Dares came thick and fast, from drinking hot sauce, doing push ups, shots, all the usual things, until, after a period of looking at Kaitlyn in uncharacteristic quietness, something that was making Kait increasingly uneasy, Becca pulled out another classic Dare, suggesting it with a look of curiosity becoming epiphany.

"Amelie. I dare you to kiss Kaitlyn".

_Oh. Oh no._

 


	5. Revelations

"I dare you to kiss Kaitlyn".

Those words reverberated in Kaitlyn's mind, in slow motion, sending a bizarre mix of icy dread and hot desire through her.

Does she know? That I like Amelie? Why has she done this, what will I do? If she's disgusted, then I know I can never have her, probably good closure but man that'll hurt. But if she kisses me, can I keep it cool?

She was terrified but at the same time a part of her was praying for Amelie to kiss her hard, thanking Becca silently. She hoped this conflict, this attraction, was kept clear of her face.

"Amelie," she stuttered, once the power of speech returned to her, "You don't have to..."

The gorgeous brunette looked at her, eyes tinged with concern and... something Kaitlyn couldn't place, before she turned them defiantly at Becca, asking with her gaze what her game was. 

"Well, rules are rules, right Becca?"

And with that, her hands were on Kait's shoulders and her lips were moving towards her. By reflex Kaitlyn shut her eyes, and submitted to the kiss that she had been secretly longing for since setting eyes on her roommate. It was a proper kiss, on the lips, short and sweet but with a second of lip-locking. Certainly no tongues but more than a peck, probably so that Becca couldn't say it didn't count. Maybe 2 seconds of contact.

But 2 seconds that upturned Kaitlyn's world. 

As Amelie had been approaching her, she had felt butterflies like swooping eagles in her stomach and a pleasant but irresistible tingle in her groin. When their lips touched, the scent of Amelie's shampoo and perfume invaded her nostrils, an electric shock burst from her mouth down to her chest and the butterflies stopped, replaced by the warmth of her heart turning to molten chocolate. She had to suppress a squeak and a whimper, and knew for certain that she had started to dampen down below. All with 2 seconds.

She couldn't concentrate for the rest of the game, registering that they were told for their last task to bring an upperclassman each to the Sorority Gala, and that Amelie had to take James, after Kaitlyn had absent-mindedly mentioned that she was working closely, and was close, with him, but even then she was stuck in that moment, of that divine kiss.

Damn.

There was no way, she knew now, that she could possibly just magically get over this girl. She was besotted, by that wonderful (delicate, and sensual despite its brevity) kiss that was the breaking point, yes, but also by her beautiful big light brown eyes, eyes that warmed her like the brandy whose colour they mirrored, by her silken chestnut hair, her dainty doll's face, her slightly husky voice, her sharp wit and keen mind, her kind soul and love of helping others, her way with words and her passion for literature and learning, and yes, her gazelle's long legs and full firm breasts that Kaitlyn couldn't help but sneak looks at. 

Once they got home that night, Kaitlyn was more confused, upset and horny than she had been in ages. She went to bed after a snack in the shower, cried to herself in frustration at falling for her best friend, at how being herself and liking who she liked could never be simple even away from the fear of judgement from her parents and conservative Texas, and then found herself, despite her tears, too aroused to sleep.

Eventually, unable to dampen the fire between her thighs, she had no choice but to stoke it and burn it out. However, despite her titillation, the awkwardness she felt and her anxiety prevented her from reaching the escape of orgasm. Feeling utterly guilty about what she was about to do, a betrayal of her friend, she knew what she had to try. Sliding her index finger snugly inside herself and using two digits to circle her clitoris in a steady, building rhythm, she imagined Amelie naked, and then Amelie's hands in place of her own, and as she feared and hoped for she burst into climax, careful to bite down on her pillow and not alert the rest of the house. Then she fell into rueful sleep. 

 


	6. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that I've changed the order of the characters getting changed in the beginning here - I realised too late and it was too hard to rewrite what I had with the events back in the proper order, so I've broken canon. Sorry.

Still in emotional turmoil, struggling to even look at Amelie that morning without a spike of shame and confusion, Kaitlyn had to get on with it over the next few days. She made herself busy with classwork (!) to help have an excuse not to spend more time than necessary with her best friend, she watched some Yuri anime, she read a little, but she couldn't avoid Amelie completely.

She absolutely did not want Amelie to work out there was something wrong, or to upset her in any way - she adored this girl, and Amelie was her best friend and seeing her made her happy. She just found it hard not to go a little red and reflect on her sordid masturbation session if she spent too long looking at her, and too hard to bottle up the desire that seeing her formed in her chest. So she kept things brief and breezy and casual in conversation, making excuses and, an issue that Amelie did not have, focussed on finding herself and Abbie Upperclassman dates for the Kappa Gala.

Chris helped there. He suggested Darren and Logan, two of his friends from Football. Actually, it gave Kait a nice opportunity to catch up with Chris, who had been spending more and more time with Becca (and was excited at the thought that Amelie and Kaitlyn might as well if they made the sorority - kind of missing the antipathy between the other two girls!) and in Football practice now that he was starting and the Season was in full flow. He said that Logan and Darren were good guys, unlike some of the other players like Manny, who wouldn't expect anything in return and would do it just as a favour.

Kaitlyn trusted him but was still wary about asking an older guy as a date when she knew she had zero intention or interest of it evolving into anything romantic, ever. Both happily signed up, though, and Darren was really sweet. She could see how other girls might find them attractive - both seemed confident and had good facial features and were obviously athletic. She was surprised at how gentle and laidback the Football Captain was though.

Next up, she had to find a dress. A facet of her wanted to impress Amelie, even just in a friendly way, and to look as good as possible for her, despite the weirdness she felt at the moment. She picked out a gorgeous scarlet strapless dress, hoping it would go with her ear studs and colouring. Before she knew it, it was time to get ready and her stomach felt like it was full of bees. To calm herself she had a long shower, distracting herself from the thoughts of Amelie next door probably in her underwear getting changed (she had a jolt in her loins when she had seen Amelie leaving the bathroom dripping wet and covered only by the towel wrapped around her) and the temptation of her own naked body by belting out one of her favourite songs, Led Zeppelin's "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You". Then, after checking her hair was fine and putting on her makeup plus a spray of perfume that Amelie had said smelt good on her before, she got dressed.

She was pretty happy with the sight she saw in front of her in the mirror. The look worked, she thought. But she could do with some validation...

She got it. Stepping out, she was greeted with wolf-whistling from Zack and a bright smile from Amelie who stood there, hair drying, still in her casual clothes.

"Man, Kaitlyn, you look gorgeous. I'm kind of starting to wish YOU were my date..." And like that, Kaitlyn's tongue became lead and her cheeks flame, stuttering as he heart fluttered and warmed like she had just had a bottle of wine. Amelie had insisted that she saw James only as a friend and a coworker, just before they had gotten ready, but surely there was more than that? Kait was sure she was just saying what she had said to make Kaitlyn feel beautiful, that she did want James as her date, but if that was her plan it had worked. 

Spring in her step, she and Amelie helped guide Tyler to compliment Abbie, who also looked wonderful, before the latter went, hair now ready, to get her own ballgown on. And when she stepped out, Kaitlyn's breath stopped and her jaw dropped. 

In shimmering blue silk, hair silky and loose and subtle make up emphasising her delicate cheekbones and intense eyes, Amelie looked the perfect picture of sophisticated elegance. Belly full of snakes, quickening pulse Kaitlyn couldn't keep her gaze off of her shapely legs and full curves. Eventually she kicked her leaden tongue and dry mouth into action and managed to flounder her way through expressing how gorgeous her roommate looked, a sentiment mirrored much more eloquently by Abbie. Genuine, beatific smile bursting onto her face, Amelie thanked them and sat down.

Now they just had to wait for the guys.

 

They didn't have to hold on long before two men entered the apartment. James in a dapper top quality tuxedo looking like Michael B Jordan, and Darren also in Black Tie, built and handsome with an easy smile. But sadly for Abbie, no Logan.

"I'm really sorry, he made the questionable decision to eat 70 eggs as a protein kick after the gym and unsurprisingly he's pretty sick now. He's really sorry he let you down."

Shit. Well, there was nothing for it, they would just have to press on with it and hope that Becca didn't notice that Abbie was alone by emphasising the presence of the other two boys. Amelie should be fine, easily convincing her requested 'date', another sign that he was into her. And Darren was sweetly helping out too. Kaitlyn considered trying to bring Tyler along to help get him and Abbie time together but she suspected that bringing someone that Becca knew wasn't an Upperclassman would probably draw more attention to her 'failure'.

They waved goodbye to a puppy-eyed Tyler and grinning Zach, and went to the ball. In a hall full of guests and current Kappas, Kaitlyn couldn't help but be excited even knowing that Amelie's scholarship was their main reason for being here. She had always wanted to fit in with a group of girls and whilst this bunch weren't perfect, she knew many of them were sweet, loved fun and it was rumoured there were quite a lot of bisexual members. She really wanted all three of them to get accepted together, as much as she liked living with Tyler, Zack and Chris (who pretty much lived here right now anyway). Darren quickly went to the bar to get her and Abbie drinks, and Amelie was seen by Becca with James, getting that important task early.

Chatting to bubbly sorority sisters, sipping the wine Darren had brought her, Kaitlyn was having a great time, until two things happened. Firstly, Becca dragged her into opening the dancing with Darren, something despite his politeness and friendliness she couldn't help but feel awkward about - she was too acutely aware that her was here as an accessory not a date and she wasn't in to him. Secondly, minutes later, her eyes fell upon Amelie and James dancing close together. She felt a spike of jealousy, on a bed of confusion and hurt and anger at herself. She was the one who wanted to and had tried to set them up together. She had set herself on pushing Amelie away from her romantic thoughts and to help make her unavailable. Everything was going as she had planned, so why was she hurting so much?! Why was her perfidious heart betraying her? She had no right to be upset. She had to turn away and went to check on Abbie. She had wanted them to get together so much, but she was beginning to accept that she couldn't just get over Amelie - she didn't want to in her heart of hearts. But confessing now would drive her away as a friend and that would crush her. Amelie had seemed happy enough with James when Kaitlyn had quizzed her about him before leaving. Who was she to replace that happiness with confusion? 

Just as she was recovering and composing herself, accepting that this would hurt but at least she still had her as a best friend, she received a new dagger to the chest: Amelie was dragged outside by a frazzled looking Chris. Obviously seeing her dance with another man had had an effect on him as well. Roiling emotions inside her barely kept under control, when her friend re-entered she was on the verge of fleeing. 

"Kaitlyn, I've had the most bizarre night. First James has been all over me whilst dancing, and then Chris just wanted to talk, and now..." It was too much. She couldn't handle this, and she started to say that before she found some hidden dregs of composure and switched topic to ask what Chris had wanted. She hadn't fooled her friend though, the strife clearly showing on her face as a wonderful, gentle Amelie asked her what was wrong, concern on every feature. She brushed it all off and knew that she had to run away outside, unable to keep a brave face on for any longer. Darren, ironically, turned up as her knight in shining armour, new cocktail for her and him in his hands, apologising that he didn't have one for Amelie. He was so nice. She hated herself for doing this to him, but she needed to vent some of her frustrations, her bottled feelings to someone and the poor guy was just so approachable. 

"Darren, do you want to go for a walk? I bet the stars look great tonight!"

In fairness, she did love looking at the stars, the local observatory was one of her most sacred places back at home. But, and she suppressed the guilt at taking outside on false and frankly suggestive pretences, she had other things on her mind.

He happily left with her, and Amelie stood there with a bemused look on her face.

The first few minutes she spent in silence, walking them both to somewhere they wouldn't be overheard. This was going to be, if she did as she planned, as close to coming out as she had managed since she had done so to a few choice friends back at highschool, and though it was a new place and she didn't intend to actually say she was gay, she was still battered by nerves and did not want anyone to witness what she was about to say.

Just as she was building the courage to speak, Darren beat her to it. "So, what did you want to talk about? I know we aren't here to look at the stars." No desire or expectation in his voice, just the welcoming openness of a friend happy to listen, concerned for her despite barely knowing her. And it cracked the dam she had built.

"It's just... stupid, emotional stuff." He replied with a smile, "That's ok, I love stupid emotional stuff". She didn't want him to get the wrong idea, no matter how platonic his intentions seemed right now, so she led with the fact that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend ( _does that imply that I am looking for a girlfriend_ , she wondered), but it seemed he already knew that and probed again into what was wrong. The dam burst. The words flowed, held back for so long, explaining how she had developed feelings for one of her friends (she didn't mention their sex) and didn't know what to do and didn't want to hurt her friendship, and she let her feelings finally release, feeling a sense of slight catharsis and freedom as she did. He thought carefully and eventually told her that he thought she should tell her friend how she felt, that a relationship, even a friendship, built  on lies whether overt or by omission was in trouble.

_Yes. You're right. He's right. It's tearing me apart, and affecting how I can even possibly relate to Amelie and it's hurting her by extension._

_I'll tell her, with no hope or expectation of requite. I just need to pick the time._

 


	7. In Da Club

Suddenly at peace with herself, finally able to make a resolution, she thanked the loveable man beside her and they went back into the party. Amelie and Abbie were nowhere to be seen, but that was ok. She wanted to prepare how she confessed her feelings, and wanted it to be at a controlled, selected time, not all done on a rush of instinct and adrenaline high.

Regardless, her mood was improved and she was back to her energetic self for the rest of the Gala, at least up until the end. She found the girls again and chatted to reassure Amelie that she was ok, that her blip was over, and now more comfortable, spent time with Darren and Chris as well, getting to know them between sips of Lemon Drop. Darren would be a friend for life, she couldn't overemphasise how important that talk had been to her. And James seemed nice, if a touch standoffish.  Now that she was looking with liberated eyes, she could see that he shared some gentle banter with Amelie and clearly fancied her but her response to him seemed more friendly, possibly flirting but in a non-sexual way.

_Thank God. I think telling her would be much harder if I knew she were in a relationship._

The party was settling down now, and the acceptances of new members was heralded. To her delight, both herself and then Amelie were announced as deemed worthy, and she turned to her crush, wide grin splitting her face, all nervousness and earlier confusion dispelled. But, as they hugged and Kaitlyn tried to ignore the knowledge that Amelie's breasts were separated from her own by thin silk only, their pleasure was interrupted by the follow up that Abbie had not been let in. Logan's absence was the clincher, but then Becca implicated that Abbie wasn't 'the right sort of girl' for their sorority, and Kait felt outrage building up in her. Before she could act on it, Amelie did though, verbally tearing Becca apart before grabbing her hand (butterflies woke up in the pit of her belly) and dragging her and Abbie outside. The offer rejected, consoling the humiliated Abbie as Becca stared speechless, that picture ingrained in Kaitlyn's mind before they stepped out of the threshold of the Sorority House.

_Oh wow, I did really want to be a Kappa. But we couldn't join when they were so mean about Abbie. Plus seeing Amelie show all that righteous anger... man, that was hot._

She hoped that her decision wouldn't get her in trouble with Professor Vasquez, but she was glad Amelie had made it and the integrity and kindness behind it made her all the more attractive in Kaitlyn's view. Like a beautiful, benevolent goddess of friendship.

The next day it was revealed that she did get in trouble with the Professor but her hard work and, apparently, her 'unironic sense of entitlement that characterised her entire generation' ( _dickhead_ , though Kaitlyn, as Amelie retold the story) had meant that she was still here to stay. Thank God. She was playing with fire though, apparently discovered that Vasquez had an estranged daughter and she had left her a message against James' advice. They were still friendly, and she had invited him to Kaitlyn's birthday celebration at the weekend.

Kaityn focussed the next few days on that one event. It was to be 19th birthday and it was going to be a vital event, for several reasons. To bring her friends all together, for one, with Chris increasingly missing in their lives. To enjoy the day itself, as well as her fake ID and the alcohol she intended to drink. And to need, for liquid courage. Because she intended to give herself the birthday present of finally coming out and admitting her feelings to Amelie. 

The day itself came, and she couldn't stop thinking about what to say later on, at the trendiest club in town. She was simultaneously terrified and thrilled, but she agreed with Darren's advice and was committed to the discussion. It did mean she was phased out when he parents called, and when she opened the present of books and CDs that they had given her, as well as the cute necklace that her roommates had bought her together.

"I picked it" said Amelie, smiling. _Be still, my beating heart_.

Eventually they made it to the club, all dressed up and Amelie making Kaitlyn's job both more appealing and so much harder by dressing like a bonafide movie star. She had picked out a glamorous golden dress with a low cut and that hugged her hips, and, as Zack had unhelpfully pointed out in front of everyone to her chagrin, Kaitlyn had practically started salivating seeing Amelie in it, studiously avoiding staring at her perfect cleavage on show. Before going, Tyler had tried to ask Abbie to go as his date, but his poor wording and her obliviousness had meant she seemed to miss that and reject him. _Oh dear, Tyler looks pretty hurt by that..._ She'd have to see if she could fix things between them once they got to the venue. Which they soon did, and it was everything Kaitlyn had wanted: vibrant, loud and full of beautiful people dancing.

They were even eventually going to be joined at the venue by Brandon, who had been called up to attend by Amelie yet again when Zack chickened out, but also unfortunately by Chris and Becca, coincidentally, as they discovered on finding them in the Club. 

It hurt Kaitlyn that Chris was here with the other girl but had clearly forgotten about her birthday event, but she was more worried about how Amelie would react to seeing him here with Becca draped  around him, but she needn't have worried. The elfin beauty in her gold dress outshone Becca but looked uninterested and unphased.

"I said, I'm not interested in Chris", was her retort when Kaitlyn asked how she felt. 

_Well, I hope you're ready, because soon you'll know that I'm interested in you._ She wasn't ready to verbalise that yet, though, and she needed to get the bravery to do so quickly, so Kaitlyn went to get them all drinks. 

The Tyler, Abbie scenario was quickly aggravated, however, when Leila, the girl from the library in the treasure hunt who obviously had a thing for Tyler, turned up and asked him to dance. Obviously feeling rejected by Abbie, he said yes and the latter girl looked like she wanted to cry. Sensing danger, Amelie and Kaitlyn took her aside, back to the bar where Kaitlyn could coincidentally get another important drink. She could felt her buzz starting but confessing still frightened her. The two of them explained to Abbie, who was clearly upset, why Tyler felt that she wasn't interested in him after she had denied his offer to go to the club 'with him' earlier. Abbie, shocked and embarrassed, revealed that she did like Tyler but didn't know, compared to the almost aggressive Leila, how to tell him, and Amelie offered to role play to help her practice.

It was painful to watch. She just didn't have the confidence, and, wanting to help, Kaitlyn said so.

"You've got to be sexy and confident. Go after what you want. Use more positive body language". "Fine then! If you're so good at it, you do it, then!" 

Well, this might have the effect of helping Kaitlyn as well. She was starting to feel the confidence building in her, and could do with the role play to get ready to talk to Amelie later, and if she didn't take this opportunity then she'd be a hypocrite. She took a deep breath in, and started.

She tucked a strand of Amelie's beautiful hair behind her ear, eyes fixed on the beautiful hazel in Amelie's eyes and the open, patiently waiting face with lips that begged to be kissed... 

"Look, Amelie, I love being friends with you, and being here with you, but I think I might..." She pulled her closer with a firm grip on the other girl's delicate pianist's hand, "...like you to be more than that."

She gave a wry beam as she answered. "I think I'd like that." _What_?! Her immersion was shattered. Was that real? Part of the role play? So much for her confidence which dissolved in the uncertainty of how to take Amelie's words, something that a dejected Abbie pointed out, before the two of them reassured her that she was just as sexy and good-looking as they were and she just needed to find that confidence, but couldn't wait too long on Tyler with Leila stalking about.

They were interrupted by Zack, and Kaitlyn finished her drink, now feeling very fuzzy inside. _I'm nearly ready_.

First they were interrupted again by Chris, but to Kaitlyn's pleasure, watching from afar, Amelie dismissed him pretty quickly. Like a bird in flight, she then quickly managed to set up Abbie and Tyler dancing together whilst making a beeline towards Kaitlyn on the dance floor. Kaitlyn's pulses was hammering, mild nausea just about counterbalanced by the warm confidence the booze she had taken had instilled in her, getting ready to dance with her crush at last, until suddenly things were thrown into chaos. Becca aggressively pulled Chris in the middle of the club, staking her claim in a way that made Kaitlyn's stomach turn. But worse than that, Leila returned from the toilet and was shouting at Abbie who had been dancing, on Amelie's advice, with Tyler. After some pretty vigorous discussions, Tyler walked away to the bar, now at least aware of how Abbie felt and how she had misunderstood earlier, Leila stormed off and Abbie was left in limbo. 

Fed up of interruptions, once they had reassured poor confused Abbie, Kaitlyn took command and finally invited Amelie to join her to dance, grabbing a final round of drinks for luck on the way. The floor was spinning slightly now, but she still felt in control. Zack was dragged away from their power trio, thanking Amelie profusely, by the handsome Brandon who had finally arrived, and Kait and Amelie were left alone on the floor. At last. They danced for a long time in silence, soaking in each other's company with Kaitlyn getting closer and closer to her friend, who must have been noticing by now but showed no sign of trying to step away or push her away. After a few energetic songs in a row, they stepped aside to get some rest by a wall, and Amelie spoke up, breaking the silence.

"So, how has your birthday been?" Truly happy, she answered honestly, even admitting that the alcohol was probably a part of that. Amelie, ever careful and ever caring, took that entry to check how she was doing from a drunkenness point of view, but Kaitlyn felt pretty ok and said so. She then nearly belied that by slipping and half-landing on her friend, apologising. They were in each other's arms now. This was her chance if it were ever going to come. Amelie asked if she was ok away from the dance floor, and she took her opportunity.

"Yeah, I needed to rest my feet. Plus I really like being here. With you." She gazed into Amelie's perfect almond eyes, drinking in the smell of her perfume and her sweat, holding a breath before starting the most important sentence she had spoken in a long time. "Amelie, I..." But the other girl had realised what was happening and was quicker. "Kaitlyn," and her heart froze as did time whilst she waited what seemed an age for what came next, terrified it would be rejection, until... "I feel the same way." That coldness was replaced by burning joy, a profound happiness that Kaitlyn never could have imagined feeling, a sense of validation and acceptance. 

Amelie knew she was gay, had already guessed it seemed. And that she had fallen for her. And she felt the same way. Something Kaitlyn had never dared to dream. She felt the same way, not only was she into girls, it seemed to, keeping her fantasy alive, but she wanted what Kaitlyn wanted. 

She couldn't keep the joy out of her face, but her insecurity meant she had to make sure. "Really?" Her gorgeous crush smiled back. "Of course." And Kaitlyn was drawn by some kind of magnetism, pulled into this wonderful girl, legs grazing hers as she desperately pleaded with her mind, body language and eyes for a kiss. One that Amelie happily granted, deeper and more passionate than that soft one they had shared in the game. A kiss that flooded Kaitlyn's panties, made her heart race and her blood fill with a searing heat that replaced the comfortable warmth of the spirits she had drunk. It was a life-changing kiss, screaming out to Kaitlyn that they were meant to be together, like their two bodies and souls fitted perfectly to become one. She spilled out how she had needed the alcohol to have the courage to do this, and Amelie quietened her with another hungry kiss, a kiss that told Kaitlyn in no uncertain terms that this was not a one-sided affection at all. Emboldened, Kaitlyn pulled her even closer, feeling and savouring her warmth through their clothes, taking in the soft press of her breasts on Kait's chest, hands slipping from the small of her back onto her perfect backside, the aggression leading Amelie to giggle. 

Their bliss was short-lived though, as another familiar face entered their view, once they had pulled their lips apart and opened their eyes, a face that both had forgotten they had invited. James, who looked upset and envious. 

_Uh oh, I kind of forgot quite how public we are... I hope that didn't hurt him too much._

Kissing her once more, and promising she'd be back, Amelie chased him outside. And Kaitlyn's worries melted away as she considered the wonderful memory she had just created as well as the infinite possibility of the future, a future hopefully with Amelie. She waited, genuinely happy, but feeling more and more indistinct, and finding it harder and harder to think and to stay upright. 

Until suddenly her head spun and it all went black with a woosh and a thump.

 


	8. Drunk

Kaitlyn came around in a disoriented mess. Her head span, her mouth was dry and tasted of pennies and bile, everything hurt and thinking was... fuzzy. She looked around.

_Where the fuck am I?_

Bare white walls. A bleeping machine, its gentle metronome almost lulling her back to unconsciousness. Harsh, neon lighting. And leads attached to her, some tubing to her arm, which dully hurt. A weird cheap garment on her.

_I've been changed. Oh, God, I hope nobody saw me naked..._

_There was a person_ near her. A man with tan skin and slightly uptilted eyes. Filipino? Wearing what looked like purple pyjamas...

_Oh God. A nurse. I'm in a hospital._

She remembered. Not everything. But enough.

She'd been out for her birthday and nervous. She'd been drinking a lot, but felt in control. But suddenly things had gotten woozy and she couldn't remember anything after that - the half an hour before it was hazy, but she could touch on some details if she reached for them.

_Those last few shots must all have hit me at once and taken me way past the edge... I didn't realise how delayed the response could be._

_Shit._

She sat up. This was bad. She'd confessed to Amelie, and she... she thought she remembered kissing her.

_Oh God, I hope I haven't ruined everything._

"Miss Liao." A new person entered. A lady, in blue. Probably a doctor. This was bad. She was underage. And mum and dad were sure to find out. "My name is Dr Hartnell. I know you're probably really confused and scared right now, but I'm here to help. Your ID card had your details and your insurance details on it, so don't worry, you are covered. A friend called the ambulance for you, and a few of your mates gave us a bit of information. They were worried, and wanted to see you wake up but we sent them home to rest. You had too much to drink, but we need to know a bit more."

She asked a heap of questions that Kaitlyn tried to answer as best as her tired and still intoxicated mind could, she did some basic tests, checking her pupils and moving her arms about, and then answered some frazzled questions from Kaitlyn in return.

She was safe. They hadn't pumped her stomach, just watched her and given her a drip. She'd have felt even worse if not. Her parents would find out about the visit due to the insurance claim but confidentiality meant they wouldn't tell them anything she didn't want, though she advised her to come clean asap. They wouldn't tell the police. They wouldn't tell the College.

"Some doctors give kids like you a hard time about this kind of thing, but my old mentor at Edenbrook, Dr Mirani, he always said this was an easy mistake to make and a lesson some people have to learn. So please, learn from it. Alcohol isn't a toy, you have to be careful with it."

She reassured Kaitlyn and then once she'd done a bit more examination in the ER room, she let her fall back into a dreamless slumber.

When Kait woke up again a few hours later, she felt physically better, though still pretty rank, though emotionally and morally worse. She was so humiliated by what she had done, disgusted with herself for losing control, scared to tell her parents but most of all terrified of what might happen with Amelie.

_I'm pretty sure she kissed me back and said she was in to me too... But then I collapsed drunk, is she gonna to want anything to do with me now? If nothing else, I can't have been an attractive sight covered in my own vomit. And does she think I only kissed her because of the alcohol?_

First things first. She answered more doctor's questions. She called the insurance company and then her parents and tearfully apologised over the phone. That was hard, but they kind of understood that it was her first birthday in College. They were disappointed but saw it as one slip on one night and were happy she was safe, and told her please never to do this again. She then called the people she wanted to apologise to next and to collect her home if they still wanted to: her housemates.

The hospital called them, and they all turned up, looking worried and then relieved, filling her gut with stabs of guilt for scaring them. It turned out she had James to thank for his immediate care at the scene. Amelie looked at her so concerned with her doe's eyes, and she at least felt reassured that she hadn't lost her as a friend.

She told them everything she knew, and was allowed to leave for home with them, slightly frustrated at them treating her like this precious fragile thing. Once they got back to the flat, though, she started to feel more back to her usual self and let out some of her trademark cheeky humour, and that seemed to signal to the others that they could treat her with less care. They got back to joking and laughing, and ate some birthday cake. On Kait's request, backed up by Amelie who was staying very close indeed, they sat and watched a horror film. Everyone had a drink in hand except her.

"I think I'm going to hold off on any alcohol for a while- that was quite the rude awakening I had."

Everyone had settled down, figuratively of course - the film itself had everyone on edge, though Kaitlyn loved it. Nothing like fantastical fear to purge her of genuine anxiety.

Throughout though, she made eye contact with the girl she had kissed much earlier that day, in a drunken haze yes, but with clear intentions and merely an opening forth of her carefully hidden deepest desires. On occasion, Amelie looked back, and Kait saw in her eyes an answer and a question. An understanding and an invitation. The balm of this ever composed, elegant angel with a centre of fiery desire that matched her own.

_She wasn't joking when she kissed me before. I remember it clearly now. I need her to know that that was all me and not the alcohol._

Part way through Chris was dragged away by an excruciating call from Becca, demanding he attended her. It was sad, as it had been nice to see so much of him after his recent absence, but nobody was surprised. That killed the mood for a bit but the tension of the film dragged them back in.

That was one reason why Kaitlyn had no intention of drinking again any time soon.

Eventually everyone drifted off and fell asleep, with Amelie half-asleep on Kaitlyn's shoulder. She stirred. Kait smiled.

"Hey gorgeous. You missed the ending"

And she got a heart-stopping smile in return. "It's ok, I'm pretty sure I can guess what happened. Long day."

Even just waking up, she looked incredible. And her body language now, more than ever before, was flirty, promising a resolution to what had happened before. 

She decided to put it to the test. Bidding Amelie good night, she made a move in the dimlit hall towards her own bedroom, and as she hoped, Amelie stopped her. Another answer and a question.

"I wouldn't mind staying up with you..."

That was it. There was no point in pretending they didn't know where this was heading. Kaitlyn giddily joined Amelie in her room. She'd seen it before fleetingly, but never really taken it in. It was as stylish as she would have expected, lit by a dim lamp, cream walls toffee in the twilight. 

Kaitlyn walked over to a photo on her desk, knowing she could focus on the plush toys around the seductive, pleasingly big bed later. It was Amelie, still obviously pretty but a lot younger, maybe 13 or 14? She was holding a trophy, small modest smile on her face, with her parents beside her. 

She asked what it was for, and was frankly delighted to discover that it was a regional award for gymnastics. She'd known Amelie was great at academics and sports from their scholarship talk with Twombley at the start of term, but gymnastics, in their current context, promised a certain... flexibility. She said so, and Amelie went red but then smirked, called her a freak but implied she might find out. As Kaitlyn put it back, Amelie wrapped her arms around her and started to kiss and nibble her ear and the back of her neck from behind. Tantalising her.

"Can I turn around and kiss you now?" The feel of her crush's mouth and lips on her neck, her cheeks, was driving her wet and wild. 

She could feel Amelie smile, sense it and also feel the movement of her cheek on hers as she whispered in her ear. "Say please."

"I don't think so," She grabbed Amelie by the wrists as she span around, pulling her into her body, so she could move her toward that bed at last. "It's my birthday, so I make the rules tonight."

A cheeky grin. "I could be ok with that."

They kissed. The electricity from the night before darted between them, fire in their chests, Amelie's perfume intoxicating her along with her suggestive words. She pushed her back to where the wall met the bed, climbing all over her, her mouth instinctively moving to her neck, the top of her chest... She'd never done this before but she'd dreamed of this moment, of being with a girl, and her body knew what was right anyway.

"Wait!" 

Kaitlyn stopped straightaway, worried she was going too fast, but quietly confident Amelie wanted this all. "Do you want me stop?"

Amelie looked her dead in the eyes, golden fire in there. "Don't you dare".

_Oh man. Could she be any hotter?_

She took a moment to tease, to feign stopping, but she couldn't keep it up. Hungrily, she tore the clothes off herself, sitting, slightly self conscious, in her underwear, unfortunately not the sexy ones she had picked the night before, but still a pretty good choice on reflection, black lace.

"Do you want to go all the way? Know that I meant everything I said last night, I have fallen hard for you, I've wanted this for so long..."

Kaitlyn remembered everything now. And she wanted everything. Amelie wanted her and she needed all of Amelie.

"I want all of you."

Never breaking eye contact, getting to her feet, Amelie sultrily, slowly stripped, not down to her undergarments like Kaitlyn had, but rewarding Kait with her bare, naked, nymph's body, hypnotising her as Amelie rejoined her on the bed.

  
Amelie knelt on the bed before her, Amelie's bed, a place she had dreamed of. A Greek goddess, of wisdom and grace and beauty, yes, but also of raw sex. Aphrodite. Naked, with toned body contrasting with soft curves at her breasts and hips, tan skin shining in places with the sweat of anticipation. Breasts enticing like ripe fruit, coffee areolas drawing her focus to rigid, pleading nipples. Eyes beguiling and entrancing in the half-light, hazel still visible, open windows into a soul as naked as her gorgeous body. Hair now loose down to her shoulders, framing her beautiful, perfect face. Lips slightly parted, breathing slightly quick with lust...

Kaitlyn's eyes drifted downwards, drinking in her delicate collar, fixing on those breasts, on her firm abdomen and muscular thighs before being drawn, magnetically, to the spot between them, perfect little lines pointing to a crux where her pelvis curved and her most secret place lay just out of vision. Haloed with a little trapezoid crown of neatly trimmed curly brown hairs.

_I need to see what lies there._

Her other senses were battered too. Between that sexy, husky voice asking if this was what she wanted, if she was happy to go all the way tonight, teasing and asking for consent all in one. The heat and silk of Amelie's hands on her shoulders, and the want to feel if the rest of her skin were so smooth. And the mingled scent of both their odours, and their growing desire and excitement.

She couldn't wait to add taste to that experience.

She snapped off her bra and took down her now truly wet panties, and Amelie purred and mewled in response.

"Kaitlyn, you are so beautiful, all of you."

"Tell me if you want me to stop."

Neither of them spoke up that night, except to cry out one of half a dozen words: Amelie, Kaitlyn, God, Yes, There and More. Romance and sharing verbally could wait. Now they would learn by sharing physically.

Kaitlyn saw her first naked vulva, the most beautiful sight she had ever seen, pink and glistening, lips parted for her. She inhaled its sea-shore smell, tasted its tart nectar.  She beared her own pussy to a bewitched, beautiful woman, who tasted her in return, moaning. She felt sexier and more secure than ever before whilst she ate out her best friend, both gazing with passion at the other as she did, and more loved than ever before as Amelie returned the favour, still probing her with her eyes whilst her tongue probed elsewhere. She came for the first, and second and more, time with another person, made her climax in return. She felt those flawless breasts, squeezed that athletes arse, felt her body worshipped, the joy of two fingers in her and two fingers in Amelie, and kissed a thousand times. 

Sweaty, stinking of sex, they fell asleep on each other in Amelie's bed. Tomorrow they could talk about where this left them, but Kaitlyn, before exhaustion took her away from bliss, was happy that this wasn't just a fling. She was still her best friend. And whatever happened, they would make this into something lasting and beautiful 


	9. Wake Me Up

Later Kaitlyn woke, warm in the embrace of the naked goddess whose bed she was sharing, Amelie's skin like a cosy drape of the smoothest satin. Sweaty, hair probably a mess, and aware that she probably stank and was covered in her lover's juices, nevertheless Kaitlyn was as content as she could ever recall feeling. 

As she stirred, Amelie moved against her back, already awake, and kissed her cheek. 

"Morning gorgeous" _Man, that felt good to hear._ "How are you feeling?"

"Absolutely effing fantastic." She said that with a satisfied grin on her face, feeling truly recovered from the low point of 24 hours ago. She was still chastened by the experience, and swore to herself she would learn from it - no more underage drinking for her- and she would have to make it up to her parents, but if she came away with a relationship with Amelie, it would have been worth it nevertheless. 

"Why?" her bedmate said coyly, knowing the answer. 

"You know why! That was... well, everything I had ever dreamt it would be. Was it the same for you?"

A smirk. "Oh, yes, I didn't know exactly what to expect but it was incredible. You taste incredible." She turned Kait's head now and kissed her deeply. "You are incredible."

"You too, hot stuff. Tell me, well, if you want," She felt nervous now, awkward asking what she was going to but she needed to know Amelie's level of experience to see how they'd move on next. "Have you ever done anything like that before?"

She didn't know what she wanted the answer to be, but when Amelie shook her head firmly, she discovered that made her very happy and bit relieved. "No, I've kissed boys and I've kissed girls before, and done a bit of...petting. But you were my first, male or female." 

"You too! I'm really glad we could be the first for each other and make this journey together. But tell me, what are we now?"

There must have been a twang of concern in her tone, because Amelie stroked her back and made some soothing noises before answering. "We don't need to put a label on it yet or force it. But I know that we are still friends, no matter what, and that I like you and I fancy you and I want to keep doing this with you if you want it too. I'd like to get to know you better and better, so maybe we can try having some dates, alone?"

 _Yes please!_ Kaitlyn screamed in her mind, but she just nodded her assent, smiling. 

"And if it's ok with you, I don't want to keep this secret. Everyone kind of saw in the club anyway ( _oh yeah, I'd forgotten how public that was_ ), and I was planning to tell everyone I am bisexual soon. I had come out at home, but it had just felt like a weird thing to bring up unprompted here.. Are you ok coming out with me, literally and figuratively, and showing our friends how we feel?"

_God, she had a way with words._

"Aside from kissing, or, well, doing other stuff, with you, nothing would make me happier... I really wanted to tell everyone I was gay when I arrived, it was going to be a huge moment for me, but then I found you so attractive that I just couldn't do it without feeling like this weird perv, and I was worried you'd get freaked out... no, don't worry, it's not your fault, it was pretty irrational of me."

So that's what they did, showering first before joining the rest of the apartment for breakfast hand in hand, making it obvious with their body contact, before stating it. 

"Guys, I'm sure it's pretty clear by now, and you probably saw it at the club the other night too, but to be open: I'm gay, I always have been, and Amelie and I are kind of seeing each other" She glanced at her for confirmation, and received a nod in encouragement in return. 

"Which makes me a lesbian, or more accurately bi, as well. But otherwise we are the same, and nothing here should change!"

They were greeted by a friendly smile, congratulations and encouragement from Abbie, who seemed unsurprised, a look of shock followed by a hug each from Tyler, who very much did seem surprised, a "welcome to the club" from Zach, and sadly silence from Chris because he hadn't returned from visiting Becca.

Zach spoke up again. "I figured as much when you had both gone off to bed together by the time we woke up on the couch, and Kaitlyn's door was left open. Well, that and the public makeout session the other night. I'm glad you've added to the gay power in the house, and you two will be amazing together. Double dates with me and Brandon - that went great by the way, thanks so much Amelie! Or maybe triple date if these two get their act together..." Tyler and Abbie blushed. "Probably won't add Chris to the mix whilst he's with the grinch though."

Laughing, they celebrated with left over birthday cake after breakfast, Kaitlyn getting shivers from the delightful sensation of Amelie resting her head on Kait's shoulder, hand in hand. The rest of the Sunday flew by, and she and Amelie managed to sneak out for a walk together in which they did not try to hide their new romantic relationship, then a very vanilla first date at the cafe.

The next day, Kaitlyn went to lectures with her heart lightened with bliss. Amelie apparently was doing well with Professor Vasquez it turned out, and people who saw them together in school were generally supportive, curbing the coming out nightmares she had had since she was a mid-schooler. 

_Still don't really feel up to telling mum and dad though... I need to build up to that, especially just after I disappointed them with the hospital visit._

Amelie then said she couldn't make it for a date Kaitlyn suggested for that evening, which left her a little upset, but she treated herself to chocolate in teh shower and listened to some of her favourite bands, and read some Neil Gaiman. She forgave everything when the other girl updated her later on: she had got dragged away for a weird request that she owed James as a favour, where she had to pretend to be his fiancee(!) in front of his parents to avoid disappointing them. In the end it came out that they were not together, and that Amelie was more interested in girls, but it kind of reassured Kaitlyn to know that even people as mature-seeming as James Ashton still kept secrets from their parents.

She got to snuggle with Amelie later on that night instead - they refrained from having sex again so soon, wanting to let things go at an unforced pace, but both enjoyed some fondling and kissing. It sounded like Amelie had fun acting a role, but she made it clear she had absolutely no interest in James except as a friend - he had actually gotten upset when he saw them kiss on the dancefloor and called her out for leading him on, and she had had to educate him on his assumption and jealousy when she had never indicated she wanted a relationship with him, eventually leaving him apologetic. 

The next few weeks went quickly. Amelie went out on a trip to visit Vasquez's estranged daughter, which sounded exciting (though she wouldn't share any more details as it "wasn't her place") but otherwise she was around and they managed to have a couple of dates, sharing a meal at a Tapas restaurant and watching a movie in the cinema (she had wanted to watch a horror flick, Amelie something artsy, so they compromised on a Rom-Com). However, a lot of time was spent revising, together and alone. The end of term, end of the Semester exams and the Hartfeld Fall Formal were approaching now. There had been some awkwardness in the house when Chris, who had broken up with Becca suddenly, asked Amelie to go with him, but she (to Kaitlyn's relief) firmly said no, and caught him up on what had happened in the period that he basically spent absent. They seemed on reasonable terms though, and Kaitlyn couldn't blame him for asking her - she knew how easy it was to fall for her, and had been the one trying to stir up interest between Amelie and Chris at the start of term anyway.

Formals and Christmas promised to be very interesting. But first up, they all had their end of semester exams to ace. 

 


	10. Dance With The One That Brought You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your likes and comments guys and girls (and anyone that doesn't cover), they make me genuinely happy

Exams were tough, but with her friends' help and some hard work over the last couple of weeks, Kaitlyn felt confident that she'd done a good job. Poor Amelie had been distracted somewhat by the demands of her sponsor and her attempts to reconnect him with his estranged daughter, a tale about which Kaitlyn wished she could find out more, but she seemed happy with how her tests had gone as well, and in fact the whole house was cautiously optimistic.

There wasn't much they could do now: their grades in these subjects were out of their hands and next semester the subjects would change and they had a whole new set of exams to get through. All they could do was celebrate the end of this set, relax, prepare for home and Christmas break, but before that the Winter Ball.

And before that, it was party time!

_This is our big chance to put on an event and get known as the flat to be at when it comes to social stuff! We cannot miss this opportunity!_

Kaitlyn was an extravert at heart, but anxiety about her sexuality had held her back a little in high school and she'd always regretted not being at the forefront of the party scene there. Now that she felt liberated by her overt relationship with Amelie, she wanted to let loose Her party planning animal had been saved up, and with the fact that she wasn't going to be drinking any alcohol, Kaitlyn wanted to make sure everyone else had a great time and to focus on other ways of having fun.

Luckily the rest of the house were on board, and they had barely finished their last test when she roped everyone in to setting up decorations and getting supplies. The last one back, after a post-exam discussion with Vasquez, was Amelie herself. 

_Great. Hopefully once tonight gets properly underway, I can relax and then ask her to the Formal._

That was the second big thing Kait had been planning between revision sessions - now that she had let Amelie know how she felt, how did she ask her to go to the dance with her? She'd never asked anything like that before, so it was pretty nerve-wracking. Before then she had some cocktails to prep and a bar to keep. 

Soon the guests were here and Kaitlyn was pleasantly distracted by her cocktail duty, mixing up options for the likes of Logan, Darren (who had become close friends with her ever since their heart to heart at the Sorority Ball), Tripp, a girl from her Anthropology class that she thought was called Hannah, someone in her year called Heather, a senior girl who helped with the Gazette called Charlie... basically a lot of people coming non-stop. Eventually, her... girlfriend? Lover? whatever this was... Amelie came for her first proper drink of night, blowing Kaitlyn away with a floral blouse and sweetly sipping the Dark and Stormy she made for her. As usual, talking to her and peering into her hazel eyes set Kaitlyn's heart aflutter and her head spinning. She still couldn't believe how lucky she had been. 

Thankfully the pace had slowed down, and she had time for a brief DMC, thanking her for all the help she had given in what had been a daunting time for Kaitlyn. A thanksgiving that was rewarded with a passionate surprise kiss mid-selfie! 

The rest of the night whizzed by, climaxing with Leila trying to kiss Tyler, which thankfully **finally** pushed him and Abbie together, Leila leaving the party in a sulk whilst the two erstwhile lovebirds finally shared a first kiss in Abbie's room as he went to comfort her. In that excitement, time ran away from Kait, and she ended up missing the chance to ask Amelie to the Formal, as they ended up driving out the late-leaving party guests before retiring, exhausted, to separate beds and immediate slumber.

 

The next morning, encouraged by the thought of good exam results and the drive to make it up to her parents for her tumultuous first quarter and the alcohol incident, Kaitlyn got up early and headed to the cafe to plan what classes to take next quarter to get a head start. She was determined to ace the rest of this year and make Amelie and her parents proud. She said hello to the two men behind the counter, Brandon and a bearded guy called Victor, and started to look at her options.

_What to pick? Definitely some more literature, and Music... I liked Anthropology so maybe something similar to that._

"Hey". Christ! She nearly had a heart attack, as her wonderful, gently smiling friend with benefits, the one she wanted more with, spoke from next to her, having snuck up on her. After she recovered and kissed her, she explained why she had come out here, her plan to focus more on work next term. Amelie, as expected, was very supportive, and then came and surprised her once more.

"Kaitlyn, honey, would you be my date to the Formal tonight?" Resisting the urge to spurt out a stream of "Yeses", Kaitlyn stayed cool whilst her heart flowed over with pleasure, and very happily agreed after a couple of snarky retorts. After Amelie left, she worked out her schedule for next term, called her parents to let them know how she was (she hadn't spoken to them properly since Thanksgiving) and then headed home to rest and then prepare for the dance.

_What to wear? I want to blow Amelie away, this is my chance to be with a girl at a Prom-style event and live out a small dream of mine. I want my date to be drooling over me when that happens._

She picked a brand new vibrant red dress, carefully applied her makeup and headed to the event to meet her lover. And was blown away in turn when she turned up, gorgeous athletic body in her own deeper red dress, sleeveless and showing just enough cleavage that Kaitlyn could barely keep her eyes on Amelie's face. Which was a pretty perfect sight in itself.

_Daaaaaamn, she's so fine. Hardly even seems fair! I really, really like her. I want to be more than this, I want the label now._

In a daze, constantly thinking about what she wanted to say, and later on do, to this beautiful nymph, Kaitlyn said hi to the other couples in their friends joining them, went to get herself and Amelie some drinks, and enjoyed the classy dinner and wonderful company. This was literally a dream come true - not being able to take a girl to her own Prom had really hurt her inside, and she was ecstatic to be getting a second chance. She got to dance with this perfect woman, who was very openly and deeply in to her. They were even complimented as a couple by the sweet Madison and Darren amongst others, all boosting Kaitlyn's self-esteem. Even cutting remarks about being their matchmaker from Becca couldn't ruin this. 

It all added together to a perfect moment where she could take a deep breath and truly speak her mind.

"Amelie, I know I can be intense, and am being now, and worried about how that might drive you away. I just wanted to say..." How did she put this? "Relationships are messy and pretty much always end up with someone getting hurt, and if that ends up happening to us... well..." She looked Amelie in the eye, that connection filling her soul with light and joy. "It's worth it. Being with you is worth it."

For a moment there was silence and dread crept into Kaitlyn's gut as she feared she'd said too much.

And then in one perfect, life-fulfilling instant, Amelie kissed her, full and raw, on the mouth, sucking the breath from her.

It would always be worth it, in the end.

 


	11. Let's Get It On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts with smut, finishes Book1, I will try to up the pace in the next books a little, but we will at least briefly touch on the side stories (less briefly Perfect Date :) ) in between the main books

Kaitlyn's head was stuffed full of light for the rest of the evening. Amelie had sweetly reassured her that she was very serious about her, and that she hadn't scared her away, and after that kiss Kaitlyn's heart had felt on fire.

_I think this is it. I think this is what falling in love is._

Feeling as blissful as she could ever remember feeling, she asked Amelie if she'd meet her on their rooftop after the dance was over, and her heart seemed to explode when the other girl said yes. 

 _I have to make this special._ They hadn't had sex, just cuddled, since that first time after Kaitlyn's disastrous birthday, and that had hardly been a triumph of romance. _I want to make this time romantic, to make sure she knows I want this and more with her_.

She raced through the rest of the night, dancing with their friends and drinking virgin mojitos and enjoying the buffet but only half there as she planned her surprise for her wonderful lover. The groundwork had been done earlier - she had snuck upstairs whilst everyone else had been getting ready and went out to the rooftop, placing down romantic candles and a blanket and duvet to share with her- but she needed to get up there and light the candles and the incense and such. She was going to share one of her favourite things with her love, a sight she had run at night to her local observatory dozens of times to steal a glimpse at. She just hoped the clouds and town lights wouldn't ruin it all.

Soon enough, a tipsy Amelie, glowing with joy and beauty, came as promised up the stairs and joined her, impressed by the set up.

"So what did you want to show me?"

She grinned. "You just lie back, and you'll see..."

She did, eyes closed, seeming comfortable and content, just as Kaitlyn felt safer than ever next to her, holding her hand. 

"I said you'll see, you can't see with your eyes closed, silly!" Amelie did so and gasped. "So this is what you wanted to show me!" It was the sky, full of twinkling gemstones. Constellations that Kaitlyn had spent hours gazing at, longing to be apart from the judgmental society she lived in at school just like the stars, made their familiar appearances, greeting Kaitlyn silently as a friend being seen for the first time in months. She hoped Amelie loved this as much as she did, the sheer, elegant beauty of the cosmos, the feeling of infinity and the smallness that came with it, but a secure smallness. Being gay didn't matter to the stars, but she as a human was eventually, if you went far enough back, stardust, and being alive and able to appreciate things like the stars was the only thing that gave you importance. Humans were important because they were needed to give beauty or anything else meaning, to give context, but the differences between us all are so petty to the stars.

Amelie seemed entranced, which was a good sign, but Kaitlyn couldn't help but interrupt her. "Duh, why else would I bring you here?"

"Well, I dunno, I thought maybe you wanted to-" She didn't need to finish that sentence, because Kaitlyn knew how it ended, and she did want to... do that, and she didn't want to waste any extra time.

_We can enjoy the stars and each other at the same time._

She clambered over Amelie, lying over her, hips pressed to hers, and shushed her. Her face was inches from Amelie's, the latter's glossed, red fruit lips begging her to kiss them, her natural scent and perfume tempting Kaitlyn to her very core. The slight shock followed by paradoxical shy wantonness on her face was a portrait of unspoken desire.

_God, she's so beautiful._

"Was this more what you had in mind?" Wordless, Kait's finger still on her lips, and eyes wide and reflecting the stars above like nighttime lakes, or a flat sea in the twilight, deep and calm but full of the potential for passion, dappled with the surrounding candlelight, Amelie nodded. Her pupils were underwater caverns, wide with wanting and betraying her lust, letting Kaitlyn know she wasn't alone in this"God, I want you so badly..."

The reply she got was exactly what she needed to hear, deep and rough with passion, a hoarse whisper but shouting to Kaitlyn's expectant soul and loins. "Then take me."

So she did. 

She kissed her hard, savouring the smoothness of her gloss and the trace of booze on her tongue infusing the mild sweetness of her mouth. Her lover moaned her name, and Kait kept kissing, and being kissed back, lost in the nirvana of shared love, and crept her fingers down Amelie's dress, toying with the fabric just where it covered the top of her legs. Agonisingly slowly, giving Amelie ecstatic torture, she bunched up the dress around her waist and teased around her damp underwear. Then started to brush her little clitoris through the cotton, making her cry out for a God Kaitlyn wasn't sure existed anymore, but if he did, he had made Amelie for sure. Amelie's face was adorable, squirming and bright red. "You're so cute when you blush like that."

Laughing at her, Amelie told her to shut up and wriggled out of her reach. She tried to grab her back, but within a split second her wrists were pinned. Kaitlyn's vulva overflowed when her partner told her what happened next. "I think it's **my** turn to make **you** blush." And she did. Blush, and moan and scream Amelie's name. With uncanny dexterity, she made Kait shudder with tiny kisses along her neck whilst undressing her blindly, shivering in the cold clear night before warming her with the pressing of her perfect body, a knee pressed up in her groin to make her beg as it pressed on her sensitive area, before she showered her kisses like hot rain lower down her body to where her tummy met her pelvis. All the while, asking her how she liked it, and teasing her with mildly dirty promises of what she was going to do. 

The kisses moved to her thighs, now blinding Kaitlyn with pleasure, the tension unbearable. To her trimmed hair below, which she kept wide but short. 

"Do you want more?" "Yes! Please don't stop!" She didn't, her hands tugging away Kaitlyn's panties before her lips made contact once more - this time with Kaitlyn's own lower lips, open, pouting and wet. She almost blacked out, eyes squeezed shut but new stars now visible as her sense of self-awareness started to shatter. Amelie kept kissing and lapping and brushing with her fingers until Kaitlyn came so loudly that people in the street must have been worried there might be a murder. They had beautiful sex after, Kaitlyn making Amelie climax in return with her fingers and then her tongue, breathing on her sensitive vulva and watching her squirm, both eating each other out at the same time. Once, Amelie shyly asked if Kaitlyn would play with her backside. Kait had no interest in anyone touching her there, but was happy to comply with Amelie's request and melted at the sight and sound of her groaning and twitching as she eventually inserted a finger inside her there, the new sensation of her little starfish clamping down on her digit deeply erotic. 

_She's kinky... I like it. That gives me some ideas for the future._

After seemingly an instant and an eternity of bliss, worshipping the unique perfect flavour and aroma of her lover and the sweet curves of her naked breasts, the glorious dichotomy of hot skin and cold air, they lay perfectly satisfied, entwined, staring at the non-judgmental stars.

"Amelie, I... don't know how to say this, but..." A moment of quiet concern. "What is it, Kaitlyn?".

 _I think I'm falling in love with you._ Is what she thought, but it seemed too trite, too childish to spoil this perfect moment. "Never mind. I'll tell you later. This is already perfect. You are perfect". A smile. "So are you."


	12. Winter Wonderland

Sadly, term had ended. Kaitlyn was looking forward to spending Christmas at home and seeing her parents, but the thought of not seeing Amelie for a few weeks left her heartbroken. Luckily they still had this weekend to spend together, and knowing it was the last time in a while they would get to be privately together, they had planned for a full weekend date, a city trip to Northbridge in a first class carriage and to a reasonably priced but well rated little apartment on AirBnB. Knowing it would be a while before they had romantic time together, Kaitlyn was anxious to plan the perfect date, and had booked a few things, keeping it a secret from the delighted Amelie (who said, with sincerity in her voice, that she loved surprises). Foremost on that list was the notorious travelling Taco Van, which was meant to drag people in from miles around and had no set location but rather moved randomly between a number of set places in the town. It was meant to be the best Tex-Mex in the county, a cuisine that Amelie thankfully loved (great because it was the only one that Kaitlyn was vaguely proficient in, and considered herself something of an expert in - she was looking forward to seeing how La Fantasma stacked up.)

 All surprises came with risk though - the timings could go wrong, or Amelie could dislike what Kait had picked out for them to do together, and that left her slightly scared, as it would be the note they left things on before going to a world in which she would have to spend weeks pretending that the Amelie girl she wouldn't shut up about to her family was "just a friend", and not someone she had wet dreams about sharing a bed together naked, and deeper dreams of sharing a life together.Dreams she couldn't share full stop, as she had to confront the main downside of going home to Texas. She loved her parents, deeply, but it hurt her that she had to hide such an integral part of herself, and hide someone she cared so much about, because they wouldn't be able to understand, and she couldn't really even talk honestly about her lover with any of her home friends - her circles weren't as supportive of "her type" as Hartfeld, not homophobic per se but just had no inkling of how to even think about that kind of thing, and only a small minority had any idea that she wasn't a totally straight nice little Christian girl. Moreover, she was increasingly getting worried that she wasn't what Amelie had fallen for any more - she had struggled to keep up her party girl, energetic exterior after the shock of hospitalisation and the work for exams, and she was scared that Amelie would realise that and lose interest if she couldn't find something awesome to show her that she didn't need alcohol to be interesting.

So, she was in a state of some stress as she sat in the carriage, waiting for Amelie who was coming from a meeting with Professor Vasquez, handing in a final edit of her essay (not that she'd tell Kait what it had been about. She even blushed when asked). But that stress melted when, dressed casually in a bomber jacket and jeans, the heavenly image of her lover entered the train car. Luckily on time (she had been worried that she'd miss it, which would kind of ruin things right from the start), glossy hair shining like polished cherrywood, slight smile reaching her fathomless eyes, hazel that went on forever like a golden brown infinity, the balance of sensual tease and good-girl angel was as enticing as ever, as was the knowledge that this beautiful face and elegant figure (with hidden lush curves) hid a mind as sharp as a tack, with sophisticated taste, razor wit and a mental poise and maturity that astonished Kaitlyn every day.

 _Perfect_.

"Hi Kaitlyn! I'm so excited for this weekend, even if you won't tell me a thing about it"

_Yeah, because she had begged me not to..._

"You better be excited, girl, it's going to blow your mind. Now, take a seat."

A sly grin appeared on her seraphic face.

"What, like this?". And any composure Kaitlyn had left dissolved as Amelie took her seat. On her lap, knees against the seat and straddling her, hair waving in her face and wafting the scent of Amelie herself and delicious coconut conditioner across her. She couldn't resist, hand stroking Amelie's supple thigh and lips drawn automatically up for a delicious kiss.

 

The kiss reminded her of their first one, drunken and shared in a club before Kait passed out from acute alcohol poisoning, and with her insecurities as close to the front of her mind as they had been since that day, she had another stab of worry that with her more sensible behaviour since she had lost some of the energy and joie de vivre that had drawn Amelie to her in the first place. Suddenly frightened, she mentioned that with a promise that this weekend would be fun, and was soothed by a kind look from the other girl.

"I don't think you're boring, Kaitlyn. You know that right? I don't need you to put on a show, just being with you makes me happy."

_I don't deserve her. But she chose me anyway, so it's time to stop beating myself up. Easier said than done._

The rest of the journey flew by, and they were in Northbridge, barely a city but compared to the campus town of Hartfeld (and local girl Amelie's suburban life) it was thriving. They quickly arrived at the apartment she'd booked, where Amelie coyly commented on its best aspects- its impressive view over the bay, and the double bed.

"We'll use that a bit later." A pant-wetting promise.

They did however use the couch to lie down and rest, Kaitlyn closing her eyes whilst Amelie admired the rest of the cute flat.

_One day it would be great to share a place like this, just me and her. Maybe that's me thinking a bit fast, and I love the others in our little group at college, but I can really see myself and her living together and sharing a house and a bed._

After a brief session of fooling around that she had to cut off so they didn't run late, Kait took them to their first destination: thrifting. Amelie got a gorgeous leather jacket and jeans all in black (looking as chic as any vogue model), and then wolf-whistled her as Kaitlyn bought a bargain denim outfit, and they shared their next kiss, the meeting of mouths punctuating their day perfectly. Then came the first big gamble.

Kaitlyn had booked them time at a combined skate ring and video game arcade. Personally she thought it would be lot of fun and she knew Amelie loved a lot of reputedly nerdy pastimes like reading and watching fantasy and sci-fi, religiously following anime and Disney, and collecting things. But she had no idea whether she'd see video games as an appropriate and fun date subject.

Fortunately, fan of everything Amelie seemed excited at the prospect once they arrived, taking Kait on at Monster Mash, a game that appealed to Kaitlyn due to its classic horror movie ensemble.

_Let's create some stakes._

"How about this? The winner gets to ask the loser any question they like, and the loser has to answer it?"

Picking the Invisible Man, Amelie assented, and proceeded to give Kaitlyn's Mummy a tough battle but, once a master at Tekken as a kid, Kaitlyn weathered the assault and stole a victory at the end.

_Yes! Hmmm, now what do I ask? Oh I know!_

"Where do you like me kissing you most, apart from your lips?" But Amelie turned that attempt to embarrass her back onto Kaitlyn. She tinged slightly rose, but managed to lock eyes with her, sending shockwaves through Kaitlyn's whole body at the lust unleashed from her demure dignity, and, voice rough, answered, "Oh I think you know where, Kaitlyn." Her cheeks in reply must have burned fuschia. "It's ok, Kait, I like making you blush..."

Now getting aroused, Kaitlyn bit her lip reflexively. "Are you making fun of me?" "Maybe a little, honey." And the next wonderful lip-dealt comma of the day came. And was followed by the sweet gift of Amelie winning her a toy alien in the claw game, Toy Story style.

Next was ice-skating together, an area Kaitlyn looked forward to showing off, having loved the opportunity to skate as a kid and confident in her skills, proving her credentials with an arabesque and figure of eight. To her complete lack of surprise though Amelie was also magnificent, elegance personified even if she didn't pull off any fancy moves, settling quickly into graceful strokes and drawing Kaitlyn in for a slow dance that made her buzz with happiness.

_I could die content in her arms. Or kissing her... where she said she wanted me to._

She blushed as Amelie rocked her hips gently into her, gentle hands on her lower back and kissed her again. That would be a way to go, smothered by the tangy, irresistible labia of this charming goddess, the area a delight to every sense, a gift from God or some mother fertility goddess, from enrapturing musty aroma, the sinfully sensual wet sounds touching it made, the open pink shell with its dainty folds and pearly sheen, the warmth and sleekness and responsiveness and the feel of hot molten gold and most of all the unique, subtle marine taste. The thought of it all soaked Kaitlyn through.

 Then, somehow withstanding the temptation of Amelie's suggestion that they go back to the apartment, Kaitlyn started their search for the fabled Taco Van. First they checked the romantic park in the twilight, where she refused to stop on the bench, desperate to find this truck and keep the perfect date on track. Then they headed to the trendy Allure club, then the starlit seashore, all sadly bereft of any Tex-Mex vans. She felt gutted, crushed at the thought of her failure to achieve the goal of the date, failing to keep things interesting for Amelie, angry tears filling her eyes as she tried to hunt it down online.

"Kaitlyn, what is going on with you?!". Whilst she started to deny anything was the matter, Amelie swiped her phone and took her in her arms. 

"Tell me what's going on? Why is this suddenly so important?"

And she cracked. "I'm sorry. I needed to show you that I could still be fun, to plan the perfect fun date, even without me drinking and being the way I was. And now I've ruined everything." Her vision started to blur as water welled up. 

And then she was guided away from despair by the caring, tender hands of her dear Amelie. "No, you haven't ruined anything. I like having fun with you, but this was a great weekend, one of the most thoughtful dates I could ever imagine. And I don't like "having fun with you" as such, rather I like you. You know that right?" The tears of frustration turned to those of happiness, gratitude swelling in her heart. "I do now."

And Amelie told her, time and time again, how she would love any date with her on a train, sitting on a couch, sitting back at campus, anywhere. Then there was one last comma, a peck on the lips that promised an exclamation mark to come, before Amelie dragged her back to their rented flat, with frank promise of consolation to come. As she jostled for keys in her pocket, by the door of their little weekend home, now eager to continue the spattering of touches and kisses they had shared, Amelie grabbed her hand and pointed her towards the very thing that had brought out her insecurities. So they had their tacos, genuinely the best either had ever had, before she had her share of tasting a more... euphemistic taco, her favourite dish, as they christened the crisp white sheets of their stand-in home's vast bed, imagining that this could be their future soon enough. Indulging in the sight and feel of each other's naked skin, and endless teasing, and endless crying out from the sensitive Amelie. After hours of lingering, slow-paced sex, and an encore the next morning, Kaitlyn's appetite as well as self-esteem sated, they caught the train back for one last afternoon with their friends before they all left for home and Christmas, and arrived cold, but still sadly snowless Hartfeld.

 _Why won't it snow! I love snow!_ Kaitlyn had seen little enough of it in Texas, and had come to Hartfeld in part for a change in climate but this was only the second time it had snowed this winter. She couldn't help but be a little disappointed, the cold had always intrigued her, hence her love of skating.

Things quickly escalated from there though.

They spent the afternoon at the holiday festival the college was holding before all the students left, drinking hot cider, looking at gifts for everyone's secret Santa (Kait had already bought hers - sadly not Amelie - earlier in the week) and playing games. She managed to catch Amelie under the mistletoe for a much more chaste kiss than the weekend had already offered. And then, to her delight, it started to snow. Then snow more. Then it came in a deluge. A full blown blizzard. 

Still excited about the snow, Kaitlyn was a bit upset that she couldn't play in it but they all retreated to the apartment for safety, James and Brandon coming along, and after some discussion, got to enjoy the rest of the day together, playing word games then opening presents. Kaitlyn gasped when she received hers, a poster of two kissing zombies girls. 

_Cool, I guess Amelie was my Santa! This is so wicked **and** romantic. _

She had guessed right. Her own gift had been a CD for Zack, well-received. Then they started to "watch" (for Kaitlyn, mostly kissing Amelie) the Lightning Bug Christmas special, giggling at the Sci-Fi show (usually pretty high quality) trying to force in Christmas context and awful puns. Then things got more serious.

**_Warning! Serious weather ahead, all flights and trains out of town are hearby postponed until further notice._ **

Not too bad for Kaitlyn, but Abbie became distressed at the thought of missing her flight to make her sister's recital, which made Kaitlyn anxious and worried for her. And then the power blacked out. After some fumbling, she managed to light some candles. None of them had any signal to call for help, and people started to panic, only kept together by the mature level-headedness of Amelie, her leadership abilities filling Kaitlyn with pride by association. After some sensible debate, led by her lover, Kaitlyn volunteered to head out into the abating storm to get to the emergency phone in the library, and to her joy Amelie agreed to come with her.

However, terrifyingly the snow came back with a vengeance and separated them. After she couldn't see and then relocate her partner for several minutes, Kaitlyn started to feel everything go wrong. 

_No! I can't lose her! What if she gets hurt?_

"Amelie, where are you?!"

Blessedly, her shout drew the stumbling beauty through the whiteout and towards her, and together they dragged their feet through the knee deep snow and into the warmth and safety of the library. Now trapped in, they spent the time on an impromptu extra date of sorts, snuggling together and reading through much of a mystery book and then, more fun, an erotic romance. With roleplay and acting out, turning Kaitlyn more and more on as Amelie pretended to be a stablehand and ravished her in a public place. 

_Okay. We can definitely bring this kink back into the bedroom- pretending to be a boy shouldn't seem hot, as I've no interest in them, but Amelie as a boy feels sexy. The roleplay is fun, as is the whole dominating thing, to a degree._

As they played out the acts in the lurid and raunchy novel, which were described in extraordinarily vivid detail, both obviously aroused,to the best of their abilities (lacking... certain equipment for this scene, though Kaitlyn was quickly planning on how to bring the lesbian equivalent into their lives), she pencilled in roleplay as a future exercise, and moaned as they made love, Amelie in ridiculously over the top Santa lingerie (which Kaitlyn had no idea why she had underneath her clothes) as they explored each other fully with their mouths. Finally, as all good things must come to an end, they fell asleep, still trapped in the building, surrounded by books, as Amelie talked to Kaitlyn more and more about her love of literature and her favourites stories.

_She's so passionate about books. I need to encourage her to delve into it more, she deserves to do something she loves so much._

Finally daylight, and help in the form of two of their teachers, came as the Monday dawn sprung up mid-morning. After some awkwardness, Twombley and Vasquez sent them to the quad where their rescued friends stood waiting for them.

Emotional after the intensity of the whole term as well as the last 48 hours, Kaitlyn hugged all her friends, a month feeling like an eternity in her mind, before heading with her best friend, and more than friend, to get their bags, flirting the whole way and feeling so unburdened by being able to flirt with a girl, a girl that she might well love, completely openly. 

_That's what I'll miss this Christmas._

Waving off this most wonderful person off with a kiss as she boarded her bus to the now functional airport, and giving her one last kiss and a vow that she'd text or call everyday, Kaitlyn reflected on how much her life had changed for the better this term. Mostly because of this person. Now, she had to be able to share that change for the better, that acceptance of self, with the rest of the world and with her parents.

_But not yet. I'm still not ready, let me live the double-life a tiny bit longer._

Taking a deep breath, she stepped through security and to Texas. To home. To a different life.


	13. Spring Affair

Possibly the only good thing about having traditional parents, and friends, who couldn't even imagine you being a lesbian was that the amount of subtlety you had to stick to in order to keep things secret was minimal. Indeed, if Amelie had had a boy's name Kaitlyn had little doubt that her behaviour over the Christmas break would have caused suspicion, but she couldn't help it and luckily didn't need to. The girl made her so giddy, she didn't want to hide that enthusiasm about her from her old world, and didn't, it just became attributed to a fierce and deep new friendship.

Her dad still asked her teasing questions about when she'd be bringing a boy home, despite disparaging looks from her mother, who said that focussing on studies this year was a perfectly sensible thing to do. But this obliviousness let Kait gush about her new best friend, talking about her at least once a day, and to her almost as often. She even received her only non-familial Christmas present from her, a collection of some of Amelie's favourite books that she felt would suit Kaitlyn well (all used - Amelie's family were still less financially secure than they all would have liked, despite Amelie's scholarship taking a lot of pressure off). Kaitlyn hoped that she enjoyed the CDs that she had given her in return, again a collection that revealed what had made her the person she was today, what had shaped her. She guessed that the books were a similar divulgence, a sneak peek into the makings of Amelie Moreau. She started to read a couple of them, enjoying them greatly: A gothic horror in the modern style by David Mitchell as well as a weird sci-fi book called Perdido Street Station.

Anyway, the effect was that her parents couldn't wait to meet her new "friend", which made Kaitlyn both excited, for the three people she cared about the most to interact, and very nervous. They talked about the possibility of taking both the girls out to watch a show or ballet, and were pretty set on meeting Amelie this term.

The term came on faster than Kaitlyn had been expecting, and Kaitlyn got there after her long journey before her other housemates had arrived. She took the opportunity to see some more of the town outside of campus than she had before, even taking a quick sojourn to the nearby woods where she looked longingly at the (sadly closed down to the public) supposedly haunted Braidwood Manor. One day she'd love to sneak into there and see if it was a genuine haunted spot - she loved ghosts and the supernatural as a concept in the real world nearly as much as she loved horror stories.

Then her world stopped for a moment as she got a text from Amelie to say her parents were dropping her off on campus in the next half hour. She quickly set off to meet her, and had the delight of a first encounter with Amelie's refined mother, Colette, and tried as hard as she could to make a good impression, this being one of the people on this Earth she most wanted to be on the good side of. Amelie, after a passionate reunion make out session, stunning in jacket, blouse and scarf, reassured her that she had, and they went together to the town's winter festival, where they caught up (though both were pretty up to date due to their prodigious interaction all break), ate and played in the snow until Professor Vasquez called Amelie away.

She spent the rest of the morning getting coffee with Zach and Tyler and catching up with them. Whilst they were relaxing, they noticed a couple of girls also quietly talking to each other, close and nursing hot drinks. Kaitlyn's admittedly unreliable gaydar told her they were an actual couple, but she wanted to see what the boys thought. Both were pretty sure that the two of them were just friends, but something about their body language screamed "girlfriends" to Kaitlyn. As of themselves, they seemed pretty different - Kaitlyn realised she knew one of them, Hannah from one of her classes who had also gone to their post-exams party, dressed in understatedly stylish winter clothes and seemingly full of confidence compared to her associate who looked more stiff and less at ease, wearing what looked like a vintage blouse. Elegant but nervous. Both were pretty in their very different ways. Finally, Kaitlyn had to assuage her own curiosity, and introduced herself and asked. She had been right, they were together, the other girl Eleanor apparently moved to Hartfeld from England, which explained her accent and her nerves, and seemed good together and interesting and nice people. Kaitlyn took Hannah's details and suggested some double-dates with her and Amelie.

Speaking of her better half, she'd texted to say that she was being dragged into performing James' play for Vasquez, somehow, and they needed to hold auditions to pick a cast by tomorrow _._

_Hmm. That was the Victorian era play with the sexually charged scene we both read. Could be fun._

If it helped Amelie, she'd sign up and help drag as many others as possible along. Plus James, he had become a good friend too despite his pretentious airs, had helped saved her in that club.

And best of all, they got to make Kaitlyn feel less anxious about being boring and play to her love of hosting, because to recruit students to act for them, Amelie wanted to host another party at their house.

_Yes!_

With the rest of the gang, Kaitlyn hurried home and got the place set up for guests, quickly getting booze and setting up a playlist, and were just about ready to greet their targets.

After they all pledged, Kaitlyn with a kiss, to be in the play, Amelie did her rounds as the resident social butterfly, her charisma and persuasiveness amazing Kaitlyn from afar as she convinced everyone at the party to join their venture, including James's snooty thespian friend Sebastien. It was incredible to watch, the sheer force of will and charm her girlfriend (she thought she could think of them, at least, in those terms now) could produce, and it charmed her as well, barely able to stop thinking about sharing a bed together again after their winter apart.

Before long, she had her chance, Amelie sneaking her away into the bedroom mid-party, where she got to show off her Christmas present to herself and Amelie - sexy new lingerie! As intended, Amelie couldn't keep her hands off her, and they made quick, passionate but quiet love, muffled with each others' hands and at one point Amelie own damp panties, whilst the party raged outside, before they slinked back out to their networking, deodorant masking the scent of the sex they had just shared.   
  
Once everyone had gone, Kait sat down with the script copies that Amelie and James had printed off, deciding who she wanted to audition for. There were a few impressive characters there, but Kaitlyn was drawn intrinsically and instinctively to the two times she'd read scenes with Amelie, both times playing a boy and both erotically charged. She had no interest in being a boy, knew she was a girl and liked girls, but the thought of playing one to fuck Amelie was a powerful fantasy, and it attracted her to the idea of playing a boy now as well. That meant Will, the stableboy and love interest of the piece.

That was it. She knew Amelie was aiming to play Elizabeth, and that with a pedigree in theatre from high school, she'd probably get the part.

_I'm going to audition to be her Will._


	14. The Show Must Go On

Dozens of people turned up to the reading to try out for parts, a truly impressive recruitment display from their party last night.

Kaitlyn was exceedingly nervous waiting for her own audition, not because she was acting, she had quite enjoyed that at school and had essentially been acting for years as she pretended to be straight. Nor was it because she was acting as a boy, that was interesting and exciting in a way. It was because she was going to be sharing the stage, figuratively, with the person she was crazy about, and didn't want to let her down.

However, when she actually got down to it, the acting was very natural, needing no imagination to play out attraction to her costar, and enjoying getting into the mindset of a character. Amelie herself was superb, all nuance and subtle inflection, but Kaitlyn felt she had done herself proud. After an anxious wait, it transpired she had done enough! She would be Will opposite Amelie's Elizabeth in front of everyone.

_I can't wait, I even get to kiss my darling on stage._

Amelie went off to talk with James, whilst Kait talked to the rest of their friends (and Becca...) about their parts (it was a good mix) and lives, and messaged her mum to let her know she'd gotten a role in the play. They all trundled home, excited for the show, and Kaitlyn settled down to do some of her work that had been set ahead of classes tomorrow, and read a bit of Slade House, the horror book her girlfriend had bought her. She was getting into, when she was interrupted by the return of her belle. She snuck out to where Amelie was chatting to Tyler, Abbie and Zach and hugged her tight from behind, picking up as she entered the sitting room that Abbie and Tyler were going on a date (yay!) and even better that she was being taken on a date by Amelie. It turned out she had the movies in mind, and after getting some warm clothes on, Kaitlyn enthusiastically dashed outside with her date, her elation only added to at discovering they could watch the new Hotel of the Dead movie. Not only was it a film she really wanted to see, but the slightly less horror-obsessed Amelie would probably be buried in her shoulder and holding her hand the entire film! And as she hoped, the frightened Amelie looked for solace in her kiss and her touch mid-film, letting them walk off after the phenomenal film together, Kaitlyn deeply satisfied with where her life was right now. She smiled, content, thinking about how far she had come from this time last year where she was convinced she'd never find love, or even lust, with another girl, nevermind one as fantastic as Amelie Moreau.

"Whatcha thinking?"

Oh, this was embarrassing. "Nothing..."

"Don't 'nothing' me. What's on your mind?"

_Ok then..._

"I was just thinking about what awkward high school Kaitlyn would say if she could me now. This seemed beyond the realms of possibility back then, a date with a beautiful girl, you know? I always knew I liked girls, but never thought anyone might like me back"

"Oh Kait. Why would this ever be impossible? You are beautiful, and clever and amazing, and you deserve this. How could you ever think that? "

Contentment. That was exactly what she felt now, like a warm bubble of soft chocolate around her heart. The knowledge she was happy and safe and with someone who cares about her.

"I don't anymore. Thanks to you."

The next few days were hectic, what with school as well as rehearsals, but Kaitlyn enjoyed them nonetheless: she was spending most of the time they were rehearsing for the play with Amelie, and she would get to kiss her love on stage, in front of an audience which was daunting but kind of felt like coming out in a strange way. As they got closer and closer to that moment, the tension building naturally thanks to their mutual genuine attraction, as Amelie ran her lines for that scene, she couldn't help but fixate on that moment.

Actually, the more she thought about it, the more daunting it seemed. She was going to announce herself, symbolically at least, in front of the whole world. She wanted to. But just as it had stopped her at home, the sudden, unignorable thought of what her parents would think invaded her mind and she felt herself freeze up. How could she ever let them know she was gay? It would crush them. It was one thing being who she was but how could she parade it in front of the world without hurting someone?

And the key moment arrived and she couldn't take it, couldn't live outside of that fear. She needed a moment to face this.

She butchered the scene, and knew everyone had noticed it. It was getting too much. She needed air.

"Excuse me, could I have a moment please?"

She barely waited for James's permission before practically sprinting out, mind a mess, fake smile plastered on but cracking. She slammed down on the bench outside, trying to grasp some composure, to apply logic that this was the greatest time of her life, that her parents loved her and that it was great that she could, by acting, finally drop her own act.

It wasn't working.

Then, predictable in its sweetness, salvation arrived.

"Kaitlyn, what's the matter?" Amelie couldn't ignore another person's pain, she knew that. She knew she would follow her out here, and she'd thought that she didn't want that, sometimes that will to do good and to find out what was wrong could be intrusive. But as soon as she was actually there, and speaking, Kait realised that she needed this. She needed to talk about how she felt, and there was no better person to sit back and listen than her lover, for whom empathy was as automatic and unblockable as breathing. No, you could hold your breath: as a heartbeat.

Slowly, she revealed what had cut her, that she wasn't out at home, and didn't know how her parents would think of her if they found out she was a lesbian, and that kissing a girl onstage like this emphasised that and brought home her fear of driving them away. And quickly, but naturally, after thanking Kait for telling her about it all, Amelie assuaged her fears, pulling her back into the light and eventually back into the rehearsal, now liberated by unloading some of the burden she was storing up.

_She really is wonderful. Still, sometimes I do wish she had a better grasp of privacy._

When they returned, she channeled her adoration and admiration for her girlfriend into Will's for Elizabeth and they absolutely nailed the scene, and every other scene, Kaitlyn tapping into a new insight into her character's inability to stop this forbidden love that he felt, and the bravery that confronting that and using it to push himself forward rather than holding him back took.

Finally brimming with confidence that she could pull all of this off, first of all in the simulated world of theatre and then carry it through to reality, Kaitlyn took the time once they had finished to apologise and thank her girlfriend for helping her out, heart melting even more if possible at how easily Amelie reassured her, offered herself as open if she ever needed to talk in a way that you knew was 100% honest.

_I wish I could ravish her, like Will, right now. Which reminds me of an idea..._

Wanting to maximise their readiness for their roles, which she desperately wanted to do justice and represent their real relationship, but also thinking about the fun they could have with them later, she talked Amelie into going to a thrift shop that sold period clothing and costumes, to pick their own perfect costumes which, and this was key, they would be able to keep for after the show. She'd been inspired to check it out after that English exchange student, Eleanor, had shown up in old style clothing and she had immediately thought of how sophisticated Amelie would look in similar dress, and was proven right when in a loose, yet somehow suggestive white blouse and skirt the other girl blew her away, capturing Keira Knightly from Pirates of the Caribbean as a vibe. However the real fun was in her own choice of outfit- a crossdress cut period soldier uniform that she felt made her look dashing in red. A thought that was very much reflected and confirmed by the hunger in her lover's eyes, slightly widening. She knew Amelie was bi, and had had a feeling that she'd be into this dressing experiment. Obviously in the store they just kissed, but Kaitlyn had a surprise stored up for her lovely leading lady. She had procured their first strapon, one she had guessed to be significant but not obstrusive in size when she'd done her research, and after the play she intended to ravish her Elizabeth in a way that Will, as the play was written, would never get to, and to let her Amelie have a taste of something like a male organ- she was going to be sufficient, and more, for all of her love's sexual desires, whether she was in the mood for a cock or her own pussy.

For the time being, she had to make do with sharing cute pictures of them together in costume, to the delight of all their friends. Amelie went to another meeting with Vasquez, whilst she hung out with Chris and Zach, and ran some lines. She was happy that not only did she know them all now, she knew exactly how Will would deliver them, now she should perform them. She had this.

That conviction, that self-belief, lasted all the way through the rest of the lessons and final dress rehearsal and all the way up to the day, the performance itself. She was going to blow everyone away, everyone was here to watch her (and her friends) perform, and she was going to devour that experience - it thrilled her in a way she had never expected, seeing the buzzing crowd ready to witness art. She looked out and saw face after face ready to share and join in their story, their shared lie, fiction that made humans human and reflected our true selves. She chatted, calm and in control, to Amelie as they both prepared to start their parts in the story, Logan surprising them all with an impressive intro in his bit part, taking more and more confidence from every face. Until she saw one.

_Oh no._

She knew that face.

_Arjun. What's he doing here?_

And that confidence in what she was about to do, and in who she was becoming, collapsed.

_This ruins everything._

 

 


	15. Stage Fright

_Crap! What is Arjun doing here? Are mum and dad here?!_

She'd told them that she was in a play and that she was excited about being on stage (obviously missing out that she was playing a boy and kissing a girl, nevermind a girl whom she'd already been kissing for a while). Had they, sweetly but calamitously, come to watch? Had they sent Arjun? She hadn't seen him since the end of highschool, a friend sure but not one of her closest and certainly not one who knew about her secret, and one who she knew predominantly through her family.

Popping her head out again confirmed that Mum and Dad weren't here.

_Phew. Well that's one thing. But Arjun knows my parents really well, we are family friends. If he knows I'm gay, he'll surely tell his parents and they'll tell mine, intentionally or accidentally. And if he sees me kiss a girl, he'll know I'm gay! I can't do this..._

She knew inside that something was dodgy about that logic, but there was no time to dissect it. Her plan to symbolically come out was coming to bite her in the bum. Her best friend and costar, her lover, was standing by her, their first scene minutes away as she heard the starting cast deliver lines in what sounded like a solid performance but without paying much attention: they were her periphery right now. Amelie looked anxiously at her, knowing something was up.

"Amelie, I can't do this!" She blurted out why, who Arjun was, and why she couldn't go through with this.

"Oh, Kaitlyn." Amelie's soft hands were soothing as she caressed her cheek. "I'm sorry. Maybe we can just hug instead?"

_Hug? Maybe. That was an out, though, it would be giving up on her moment publicly embracing myself._

"I don't know... I don't want to let James down." She felt a spark more determination now. "And I don't want to let myself down either."

"But, and you still don't have to do this if you can't or don't want to, I think it's a big leap to assume he's going to think you're gay just because you're kissing a girl in a play. That's the point, right? He knows you're acting a part. And if he did think that, it would be pretty shady to snitch to your parents before talking to you..."

She was right. The shock had just gotten to her. James was counting on her. Amelie too. And she owed this to herself, to be honest with who she was, to use this opportunity to say so to the world in a controlled way at first, then she would come out to her parents on her own terms. The whole point of this was to help get rid of her own insecurity, to cement the job she had done finding and confirming herself and taking chances since she had come here and had a taste of freedom.

"I'll do it. Let's nail this play."

The rest of the show whizzed by, Kaitlyn losing her anxiety in the act of becoming Will, everything natural by now. She had put so much into this. They all had. Amelie was mesmerising, completely embodying the shackled Victorian young lady off the page.

 _Does she have her own emotional shackles to draw from, or is she just that talented at getting into other people's minds?_ She knew Amelie was deeply empathetic. It's how she always seemed to know what to say to help anyone, as well as the source of her inability to ignore the opportunity to do so.

Everyone else was perfect as well, the play flowed and snooty Sebastian was extraordinary as Lord Rathbone, the aura of menace radiating from him making Kaitlyn's skin crawl and fuelling her performance of Will's antipathy to him.

Finally they got to the big climax. The kiss.

She felt all eyes on her, and almost froze as she imagined her parents' too, judging her, the eyes of everyone judging her as a lesbian.

Her chest and face tightened, and with the slight pause she saw Amelie's eyes widen in concern.

Then Will kicked back in. Will would kiss his love in a world where he could die for it, where his class was an insurmountable barrier. Nobody in this room bar maybe one even cared if Kaitlyn liked guys or girls. Right now, she let herself be Will and Kaitlyn, not wanting to take the easy route of imagining herself as someone else and taking away the pressure.

She kissed a girl, as herself, and the audience was rapt. Before long, they had spoken their bittersweet parting words, words of the melancholy ending of love everlasting but togetherness cut short by the demands of the time. She loved that ending. The curtain fell to glorious, enthusiastic applause.

The rush of it all made the next couple of hours accelerate through. She left with Amelie, both grinning at how well it had gone after lapping up, along with James and other cast members, congratulations from an admiring audience. They smiled more when Yasmin, the publisher that James was trying to impress with the performance, practically came out and said she'd loved it. They even celebrated by getting James a makeover, much to Kaitlyn's amusement at the befuddled look on his face. And then, as had already become custom at Hartfeld to Kaitlyn's delight (it had been one of her aspirations for the year), they started to welcome cast and audience alike to their apartment for the post-show party.

_We are the party house! Who even needs a Sorority when you can host the best get-togethers anyway?_

It was all going perfectly until just another knock on the door from just another guest was welcomed with "Oh, she's just in here, you've come to the right place..." from Amelie. Answered by a voice she knew less intimately but for far longer. Arjun's. 

Suddenly anxious, she rushed to the door behind her lover. "Hey, Arjun, what's up?" Of course he'd want to see her, they were friends after all. But she still didn't know why he was at the show, and was a little worried about what he'd taken from the kiss. However, after conversation that she'd enjoyed a lot more than she'd expected to, she realised she hadn't needed to worry. They reminisced briefly on their younger days and Arjun had wandered off for a drink, and had clearly seen the kiss as just part of the play. Relieved, she whispered as such to Amelie, who seemed a little taken aback. 

"Is that a good thing?" Duh. "Of course! Know I can come out back home when I'm ready. I just would like a little more time, you know?" Amelie seemed like she didn't really understand her thinking, and said that she'd thought that Kaitlyn had been ready, a touch of disappointment in her eyes making Kaitlyn twinge with upset. However, she made it clear that she respected her choice and would help her. That was what mattered. This was a big thing for her, a really big hurdle to cross given how she knew her parents would feel, and she really needed Amelie's moral support.

Together, hands touching briefly and hoping that nobody else in the room (given that their romance wasn't exactly a secret) would ruin everything, they sought out Arjun again. He really did seem happy to see her, could barely keep his eyes off her. _I guess it must have seemed like a while for him. Plus I probably seem a whole lot more confident._ She introduced Amelie as her best friend, which was true, and felt herself lightened at the joy that sparked on her face. Then she bantered some more with her old friend, everything seemingly perfect until... "Why didn't you tell me you were visiting?"

Arjun grinned and looked so excited he might burst. "It's not just a visit! After Sophomore year I decided you had the right idea - Austin was a little **too** close to home! So I've transferred here, starting this semester."

_Ah. That is not good._

 

Obviously she hadn't kept all the dismay at that huge surprise out of her face. "Dude, you look like I just told you that your dog died..." 

_Oh, right._

She made her excuses that she was just surprised and she was happy he was going to come to Hartfeld (half true). Then as he left, seemingly placated but confused, she turned to Amelie, biting her lip nervously. "This is going to be a little harder than I thought." 

Amelie was sympathetic but fairly sure that she should tell Arjun the truth, for a number of reasons. Not least, she said, because Arjun seemed to have a crush on her.

_No, that can't be true. He's just happy to see me after more than a year._

Just as she was going to ask Amelie to come aside with her for advice, they were interrupted by Tripp and Logan, who had started fighting (not violently, figuratively) over the clueless Madison in a way that was half-cute, half-irritating, managing to spill salsa all over Amelie's top. 

After a glare at the unabashed older boys, she whispered "I'm gonna go and change. Speak later, ok?" and slinked off. Before returning minutes later looking glamorous and lush in a pretty pink dress, generous cleavage displayed. _Man, is she trying to test my resolve about keeping my sexuality secret tonight?_

She could barely peel her eyes away from Amelie, whether that was her perfectly wrapped body or the enticing seductive look on her face. Quickly she had a welcome distraction from what would usually be the most wanted sight in Kaitlyn's world. Arjun returned and they had some more talk between the three of them, Amelie using all her charm and to Kaitlyn's relief seeming to get on very well with Arjun. Not that it helped her in the long term, but for now she would be happy just getting through tonight still in the closet to him and then being able to come up with an approach for what happened next under less pressure. He seemed to like Amelie too, naturally, but she was getting a little worried about how he was treating her differently to before, looking at her differently. 

Maybe Amelie is right and he is into me? That just makes things worse...

He kept asking what Amelie liked best about her, and whilst her answers melted Kaitlyn's heart (focussing on her personality, and Kaityn loved looking at herself through Amelie's eyes: she seemed so much braver and more interesting from that perspective), Arjun kept implying his own admiration. As he went to get another drink, Amelie brought it up again, and though Kaitlyn tried to wave it off, she thought her friend probably had a point. She wasn't going to give up though. "Even if he is into me, and I don't think it's as 'obvious' as you seem to, but maybe, what am I meant to tell him?"

She expected another hint that she should come out, which she was starting to get exasperated with, but Amelie's response surprised her. She locked eyes with her, gaze stern and hot. "Tell him you're taken. No need to say to which sex." And that set her heart on fire. And led to a topic that she really did want to broach. 

"Am I? We haven't really talked about what 'we' are yet..." Leading for a certain answer that she was quite ready for now. Well, maybe not literally right now, in front of everyone... Amelie promised they'd talk about it later, and went off on her rounds of being a social butterfly, leaving Kaitlyn with a lot to think about. Like what happened for the rest of the semester? She wanted to keep being honest about and with herself, which had been liberating this year, and to be publicly with Amelie, but felt frozen with the fear of what coming out would mean for her double-life at home. She distracted herself by staying away from Amelie and from Arjun, catching up with other friends like Madison and the rest of the house, smiling at Tyler and Abbie being cute together, retching at Sebastien and Becca flirting, and then Sebastien insulting Chris by accident when he said that only private schools really counted. The douchebag. She tore herself away from that argument, and spoke to her classmate Hannah.

Then Amelie came back. "Hey." Her hand was on Kaitlyn's, touch earnest, but she was making an effort to keep it hidden from Arjun, under the table. She knew that Amelie would never do anything she didn't want, or force her to come out if she couldn't yet. Her insides felt like molten chocolate, resisting being with her around Arjun would be hard. "Can we talk? Somewhere more private? About something important?"

Mouth dry, knowing how this would probably go but fearing that it could be the other option, that she could have driven Amelie way with her reticence to be open and that she wouldn't want to be with her if they had to do it in secret, Kaitlyn nodded slowly. And quietly, making sure nobody noticed, Amelie led her to her bedroom, and silently shut the door.

 


	16. Girls Talk

Amelie led Kaitlyn into her room and eased the door soundlessly shut behind them, before turning those big, rich brown eyes on her. The strain of pretending not to thirst for the seductively dressed nymphet all night snapped and as soon as she had the safety and security of this private place, Kaitlyn lost her control and pushed up against her, magnetically drawn to her lips, kissing and kissing the girl she was scared she had ignored too much tonight. As well as the familiar taste of Amelie, there was a tang of Jack Daniels on her lips, and something sweet like coke.

After reciprocating for a moment, Amelie pulled away, fighting off a grin with an exaggerated look and tone of mock admonishment. "Kaitlyn, I said I wanted to talk..." Luckily the reproach in her voice was clearly put on, the pulling up at the corners of her mouth and the wrinkling around her eyes a dead giveaway. Kait decided to kiss instead in a way that wouldn't stop her from speaking, trailing excited lips down her ambrosial neck, lingering longer each time, breathing out between them "Are you sure you just want to talk?"

"I... yes..." the other girl stuttered, certainty denied entirely by the waver in her voice and the reddening of her cheeks. Then her ever attractive determination returned, steeling herself obviously to fight her urges. "For now, at least." The firmness there stopped Kaitlyn, knowing from earlier roughly what this would be about, half-eager, half-frightened. "Is this a good kind or bad kind of talk?" She couldn't help but reveal her insecurity here, knew that her approach to Arjun couldn't have helped Amelie much, and was terrified that she might lose her to her unreadiness to come out at home. Amelie reassured her. "The good kind. Or at least, I think so."

They sat down, hands off each other's bodies except Amelie's grasping her own. "I wanted to check in with you. Things have been getting pretty complicated." She gazed into Kait's eyes, a warm hot chocolate sensation pouring through Kaitlyn's chest as she did. "I'm a bit jealous of Arjun, and I'm worried you're ashamed of us."

_Ok, well this isn't what I'd call the good talk, but I guess an honest discussion is probably needed._

Amelie quickly explained that whilst she knew Kaitlyn wasn't attracted to Arjun, she felt they had this history together that she couldn't compete with, and that she was worried about how she was so determined that Arjun didn't find out about them.

_I guess I understand how she feels. But she has nothing to worry about._

She promised Amelie that she wasn't ashamed, just scared and sorry she couldn't be braver right now, and she was sorry that her fear about outing herself affected Amelie as well, but she wouldn't let it come between them. She just wasn't ready to let her old world know yet, it was a visceral thing. And that she could be friends with, have shared experience with Arjun but it didn't affect how she saw Amelie, didn't compare to how she felt about her as a friend, never mind a lover.

"I wouldn't give this up for the world."

 

Gently, they kissed again, until once more Amelie interrupted. "Kait, I've been thinking... we haven't really put a name on what we are to each other yet. ANd I think maybe it's time to." Kaitlyn's breath stopped in her chest. She just managed to gather enough to croak out "are you saying what I think you are?", hope almost too painful to bear after the shame of seeing hurt on Amelie's face.

 

"Kaitlyn, I want you to be my girlfriend." _Oh my God, yes._ But she had to play it cooler than that. "Say it again." She knew she was grinning now, any tension and fear she had in her at this moment dissolved by those words, words she wanted to hear time after time but knew she'd have to be careful with as soon as they left this room.

A pout. "Why do _I_ have to say it?".

"Just say it."

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

She teased her soon-to-be girlfriend for a moment longer. "Hmm, I might have to think about this a bit longer..."

"God, Kaitlyn, you are impossible!" Not wanting to push her luck too far, she kissed her girlfriend deeply and whispered in her ear "Yes. Always yes."

Amelie had closed her eyes and moaned at the kiss, so Kait decided to go back to where they had been minutes before. But official now. She showered Amelie with kisses, teasing her and grazed her covered nipple as she wrapped her arms around her, noticing the hardness of them. Amelie gasped. "Kaitlyn, what are you playing at?"

"Nothing... unless you want me to be." She went back to kissing slowly down her elegant neck, her girlfriend (she wouldn't tire of thinking that!) firmly closing her eyes and biting her lip in admission of her need, her lust. That earlier resolution seemed to have vanished with their talk, Amelie's skin getting hotter and hotter as Kaitlyn felt her own crux getting wetter and wetter.

"Do whatever you want to me." Words that were music to her ears, spoken with raw desire, and meekness. Amelie was in a submissive mood, it seemed, she was a girl who could balance dignified grace with assertive confidence every day but her moods in the bedroom changed depending on how she was. One day she'd want to take control, pressing Kaitlyn hard against a window as she finger-fucked her, uttering dirty phrases and making her beg. One day she'd want the sex of equals, tenderly sharing and making love. And one day she'd want to plead for Kaitlyn to tease her and make her eat her out, doe's eyes wanting to stare up at her lover's whilst she obeyed. It seemed when she was feeling insecure, she wanted to be told what to do, told she was a good girl and would do anything she was asked.

Kaitlyn loved that about her, loved being so many things to her and enjoyed each of their roles. Right now, Amelie meant "whatever you want". That trust and that lust, that knowing that Amelie would enjoy whatever she did because she was so into Kaitlyn right now, it was a huge turn on.

"What I want is to make you come, to beg me to let you come, whilst you keep that dress on like a good little girl. But you can't make any noise at all, so that people will know we are here, that's naughty. Can you stay silent for me, except when I tell you to plead with me for your orgasm?"

Already desperate with desire, she nodded fervently, and Kaitlyn danced her hands beneath the gorgeous dress,both fired up by how taboo what they were doing was - the silence, the sneaky touching under clothing, the struggling animal sounds as Amelie tried not to cry out, biting her lip so hard you could see it turn white. The noise of the ongoing party outside, with the old friend that they couldn't let catch them doing this. Forbidden love, in a way, and when Kaitlyn reached beneath Amelie's dress, she found her girlfriend's underwear saturated with desire, easily pushed to one side as they had ridden up soaked into her open vulva, catching her labia. She teased her with tiny movements around her clit and her opening, knowing at this point Amelie was dangerously close to climaxing without the chance to plead for it, which would hardly be fair. Now her mouth was open, but she was voiceless, managing not to squeak out as Kait started to minutely rub her little nub and her stiff nipple at the same time. When she asked her what she wanted, she whispered fast and unbroken, quiet but absolutely zealous in her mantra "Oh please let me come, please make me come, I'll be your good little girl for the rest of the night, I'll do anything, please let me come..."

So Kaitlyn did, and admirably, as the fingers on her and now in her sped up and her entire body was wracked with spasming movements, Amelie managed to stay completely silent, all the violence of her orgasm revealed in the uncontrolled jerks she was having, half-leant over the bed. "Good girl, not a single sound! As your reward, if you wear your naughty soaked panties the rest of the night, then as soon as the guests all go home I am going to make you scream name again and again."

Amelie nodded earnestly again, as Kaitlyn giggled. "You can talk again now, silly! Now we had better make ourselves seen again, and try and usher these people home so we can tell the others the good news and you can spend the rest of the night proving what a good girl you really are." She gazed into Amelie's eyes once more, deeply happy, as was Amelie. "That was amazing. You are amazing."

"I know just what you like" she said with a wink.

"Hey! No need to get cocky."

"I'm just teasing, I love doing that to you. I'm really, really happy we had that talk, Amelie. I just want you to know how happy you make me."

Casually, as if nothing had happened (after applying some perfume to each of them to disguise the smell of sex, they re-entered the party.

Things wound up a bit more before they wound down, the party visited shockingly by Professor Vasquez and his agent, who it seemed was impressed with James. She offered him a deal, to the celebrations of everyone listening in, barely trying to pretend to not be eavesdropping. Everyone was happy and everything was going brilliantly until out of the blue Vasquez collapsed.

"Quickly, someone call an ambulance!" After that it was all panic, Vasquez alive but unconscious, and looking quite unwell, James and Yasmin looking worried but nobody as concerned as Amelie, who seemed afraid that he was dying. They got him somewhere safe, and then when the ambulance arrived, all three went to the hospital with him.

_It's sweet how close she is to him, given everything. She is not going to be in the mood to kick out partygoers when she returns though._

"Right, that's it everyone, time to wind down and get ready to go home!" Together with Chris, she shooed people out of the house, still trying to alleviate the mood, smiling at each guest, promising to catch up with Arjun soon, wishing Madison luck (with her two admirers, although she didn't seem to pick that up...) and then helping the rest of her housemates tidy up. The house was in a reasonable state and it didn't look like it would take that long. It was a good distraction from her own troubles that Arjun had stirred up as well as distracting her from worrying about Vasquez and more so Amelie. She would be devastated if anything happened to her mentor, she was the kind of compassionate person that would be hit hard with it, but also practically if the worst did occur she would be in financial dire straits again.

A couple of hours later, Amelie returned, looking shaken, and curling up onto the couch, pouring out everything that had happened, needing it to be heard. Initially, Kait feared the worst, but Vasquez was still alive it seemed. But quite unwell. He had cancer, something Amelie had discovered a while ago but been sworn to secrecy about, unable to even tell James. It was obviously out in the open now, and James had taken the secrecy hard, thinking Amelie had betrayed his trust and was refusing to talk to her. Vasquez was still unwell. His daughter Gabriella had found out and was so hurt at not knowing. Amelie felt like crap about herself, crying that she should have told someone, at least Vasquez's daughter, whilst they all reassured her that she had done the right thing, not sharing a secret that belonged to someone else. Kaitlyn was amazed at how brave she'd been, having to bottle all of this up inside without help. Finally letting it go seemed to calm Amelie down, and as a distraction they talked about the party. How Chris was now going to take on Sebastian for the race to Student Council President. How Zach was worried about Brandon moving to Peru for a placement abroad. Less comfortably, about how she still hadn't come out to Arjun.

_Bit too soon to focus on that after our little talk! But does remind me..._

"Also, Amelie and I are official now! I know that it's my fault we couldn't say in front of everyone earlier, because Arjun, sorry Amelie, but she asked me to be her girlfriend, and I said yes!" As everyone congratulated them, smiles creeping out all round, she caught Amelie's eye and whispered to her "probably won't tell them what else you asked me to do, but don't forget you are still my little good girl until morning..." She flashed scarlet.

The small talk cheered her up, and as they all soaked in the comfort of their friendship, everyone settled down and drifted off to bed, until it was just Kait and Amelie, and she took her girlfriend by the hand and led her into her room this time.

"Hey. If you aren't in the mood any more, we don't have to do anything. I can give you space, or we have just cuddle together and I can hold you whilst you sleep, or we can talk more, or make love. But if you want me to make you feel good and forget everything serious for one night, just say and I'll take charge and you won't be able to think about anything other than my name and how you like being my little bitch..." She thought maybe that was too crude, but the humour would help, and Amelie would know if she was in that mood or not by whether she got wet at that last word.

"Thanks Kait, but I made a promise to you. And I really, really want to be your little bitch now, to not have to make any decisions at all."

"Good." A gentle kiss. "Now go to your room and put on your costume from today, and from now on, you do everything I say, but if you want to stop everything, just say 'Rathbone', ok?"

Confused but completely obedient, she left the room and came back minutes later, dressed as realistically as possible as Lady Elizabeth Darling, corset, flowing gown and hair loose. She gasped when she entered though and saw Kaitlyn, hair tied up in a ponytail, in her costume as Will, bulge between her legs that she had to suspect (and Kaitlyn got aroused knowing) was a strap on under her breeches.

"I know you fancy boys and girls, my darling, but I'm going to prove to you that I can fulfill everything you want from both sexes. Tonight, I can be your boyfriend and your girlfriend, and you are going to love my cock as well as my pussy. What do you say?"

Amelie got on her knees. "Please sir, please fuck me. I will obey your every command."

 


	17. Fuck Her Gently

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the title implies, this Chapter is a short one of pure smut. Next story based chapter to follow soon, I want to linger less on the original story and move a bit faster in future but the next few chapters are really key times for Kaitlyn, with the whole coming out saga and then finding music, but I do have some post-The Senior bits of story I do eventually want to get to!
> 
> Baby is coming soon, so whether that creates more time in the day or means I have less, I'm not sure, but I can ease off on my SAO Fic until that show catches up past my story, so I'm hopefully my writing pace won't alter much, I just want to get a bit later on in the story, but without making things feel rushed!

Convincingly in period dress, Amelie was utterly compliant to her, the stress of having to be mature and adult leaving her genuinely happy to be told what to do, and clearly turned on by the quasi-role-play. Tantalisingly, Kaitlyn had started to peel away Amelie's clothes, swiftly stripping her to her corset and stocking, and the same drenched underwear she had been commanded to wear the rest of the night, strongly fragrant without getting close to them, with the unmistakable scent of Amelie's arousal, and now wet again as Kaitlyn manhandled her towards the bed.

"This time, you aren't allowed to be quiet. If your body wants you to let out sound, I don't want you to try to hold it back. I don't care if everyone in the house knows exactly how long and how well I've been screwing you, I want you to let it all out." More eager nodding from her horny, amenable girlfriend.

Kaitlyn felt powerful like this, not only with Amelie in such a submissive mood (and herself in the mood for taking control, luckily their wishes seemed to generally be in synch like this) but also with her so wanton and with Kaitlyn dressed as a man. It wasn't something she'd want all the time, and she liked being a girl, planned to enjoy Amelie making love to her as a girl later on, but right now when she was feeling insecure and scared about being judged the historical protection, the armour of masculinity made her feel safer. The clothes were generally quite comfortable as well, the strapping down of her breasts obviously less than ideal but liberating in some ways, and the breeches and loose shirt fitted like a dream. Shame she had little intention to wear them for long.

She kissed aggressively at Amelie's collar, enjoying her gasps, no attempt made to hold them back, and pushed her onto the bed. "Sit up". Like an obedient pet, she did, and knowing that the laces on the corset were just normal modern twine, that she could replace and repair easily the next day, she pulled out the small penknife her dad had bought her from her bedside table and sliced through the lacing, watching the corset fall onto the floor alla Pirates of the Caribbean. Amelie had been a lovely sight, proper English lady with her curvaceous torso accentuated with the old Victorian style outfit, but was just as appealing in a different way now, hair framing her face and untamed, wonderful breasts out for her lover to see, sheathed only by a thin white camisole that she yanked off at Kaitlyn's order, left just wearing the panties that Kaitlyn had marked with her desire, her juices earlier that night and the gartered stockings on her long legs, drawing her gaze and inviting her to the spot between them in translucent silk.

 

Leaning over to kiss her, Kaitlyn let the bulge of her artificial penis press into the cloven space between those legs, Amelie moaning loudly with passion at the stimulation and the knowledge of what was waiting for her. The moaning then continued as Kaitlyn toyed with her pointed nipples, fondling her full breasts until she couldn't stay still, squirming beneath her touch, followed by a cry of "Oh, God, Kaitlyn!" as she latched onto one teat and sucked away, hand slipping to Amelie's underwear and sliding them down to her knees, taking the stockings with them, and playing carelessly with the little curls that topped her pubic region, always neatly kept and coarse to touch compared to the silky smoothness of Amelie's locks and the wispy fine strands that Kaitlyn tended to grow there. "Please!"

"I'm in charge now, Amelie, you said I could do whatever I wanted... but what I want to do is make you scream my name, tell me your pussy is mine."

"Oh, God..."

With that, Kaitlyn climbed between those legs and tugged the remaining clothes away, down the knees they were caught on and threw them across the room. "No more clothes tonight."

Then she placed her head right against her girlfriend's thigh, breathing lightly but with intent, sensing her shudder with anticipation as Kaitlyn's mouth came closer and closer to her skin, then groaning as she skimmed the hot skin with her moist lips, Kaitlyn herself becoming more and more aroused as she inhaled the humid air, the overpowering animal scent of Amelie's bare, bared femininity. Her hot kisses moved inward, across her hip and her pubis and then skirted around, touching her perineum and the skin just outside her labia, each cycle threatening more and more to breech that sopping line of defence and to enter her glistening folds or to catch her swelling bud. Finally, as Amelie started to implore her to touch her, Kaitlyn licked her clit, then clamped on and sucked and lapped away at it, driving Amelie right up to the brink of orgasm before moving away and kissing her toned thighs again, licking her lips from the light, subtle flavor of her clitoris, preparing to taste the tarter stickiness deeper within her.

"Oh, please, I need to come!"

"In a second, my sweet, but first you have to tell the world whose pussy this is tonight."

"It's yours! Always yours, nobody else is allowed to be near my pussy, I give it to you as long as you want it!"

So Kaitlyn took her gift, rubbing the needy clitoris with her thumb as she drank that nectar from between Amelie's lips, making love with her tongue in thrusts and sweeps and laps, glorifying in Amelie shouting out her name, crying to the house that she was coming, that Kaitlyn owned her pussy _._

_I won't hold her to that, it doesn't below to me. But I sure don't mind borrowing it._

She felt she could probably drive Amelie to another climax almost immediately, so pushed to do so, hungrily eating away at her, licking her nub, and popping first one finger and then two pumping digits inside her, already feeling that second explosion building within her loins. She pressed her finger against Amelie's rear hole as well, wet from the soaked garden she was currently tending, and slowly pushed it inside, using her fingers to ravish both holes at once as she kept stimulating her love-button with her teeth and tongue. Amelie's cries and volume hadn't really stopped from her first orgasm, so Kaitlyn had to raise her voice to tell her to play with her breasts - as lost as she was in rapture, she still obeyed, rolling them together as Kaitlyn finisher her off, rocking her pelvis against her mouth and fingers vigorously.

By this point, Kaitlyn was extremely hot and bothered, knowing the different fragrances could tell that her arousal was discernible in the cloud of sex smell surrounding them, and knew for sure how wet she was in her tight men's briefs. But she wasn't ready to let Amelie loose on her own vagina yet. If she was playing a boy, then she would want satisfaction from two things - attention to her penis and putting it inside Amelie's wet and ready tunnel.

Standing up, she loosened the belt and laces at her breeches and pulled them down, showing a wide eyed, bedraggled Amelie the lump at her groin where the strap-on she had procured was.

It was a model she had bought with this scenario partly in mind, 7 and a half inches long (Amelie was still a virgin regarding having anything bigger than two fingers inside her, admitted to using a vibrator but nothing inside her. Kait had wanted to be big but not intimidating when popping her cherry for the second time, and wanted to make sure she wouldn't hurt her), but until it was locked it folded up inside the underwear, looking like a half-erect member. It also had a smooth protrusion, for want of a less clinical word, that pressed against the wearer's clitoris and stimulated it as she thrust, the idea being that she could get herself off whilst she plunged in and out of the recipient.

"Look, baby, you've made me all hard." Amelie's eyes were adorably fixed on the swelling at her crotch.

"Why don't you be a good little bi girl, pull these down and suck on my cock? Get it ready for you?"

Quickly she was on her knees, struggling to get the briefs down over the toy, and helped pull all the clothes off Kaitlyn's lower body. With a quick movement and a twist, Kait set the dildo to erect, now sticking out absurdly, she thought, all firm but not hard rubber with realistic veins and a bulging head. Amusingly to Kaitlyn when she had bought it, you could put a cartridge of lubricant inside and squeezing it hard enough would push some out of the tip, like precum. She'd slotted in some coconut flavoured lubricant, and she squeezed a little now to produce some, wafting the member in Amelie's face.

"Show me how you would pleasure me if I were your boyfriend." Unashamedly, she started to lick, exclaiming her surprise at the unexpected, and unexpectedly tasty liquid at the end, and put the head in her mouth, bobbing along on it. Kaitlyn could feel nothing but watching her beloved get carried away sucking on her strap-on was a gratifying turn-on. As she went on, she coyly squeezed a little more lube into her mouth, relishing the surprise on Amelie's face. Before long, though, she wanted to get down to the proper business. Sliding out of her girlfriend's mouth, she steered her onto the bed and motioned for her to spread her legs, an order followed without question. Then, made easy by the previous sex and the readiness and self-lubrication down below, she eased herself in, carefully, bit by bit, and took her "maidenhood" again, following every cue, making sure she didn't push deeper or start to move until Amelie said she was ready, and it was clear that her vagina had accommodated their new dick. Then slowly at first she started to slide in and out, immediately told that Amelie loved it by her unreserved grunts and squeals, adding in gentle rubbing of her clitoris, enjoying the sensation on her own tender spot hidden beneath the toy.

"Can I go faster my dear?"

"Fuck, yes, I'm so horny, you can make me your bitch! You can do whatever you want, fuck me hard, make me come, pull my hair, I'm yours. You can even have my ass, anything you do I'll enjoy."

That galvanized her libido, wanting to see how submissive Amelie would go, and she quickly picked up steam, finding the rhythm actually pretty natural, and Amelie obviously finding the sensation of the big cock inside her maddening. Kaitlyn didn't know how men struggled, apparently, not that she'd know, to do this right. It seemed pretty easy, but then she knew exactly where a woman like Amelie wanted to be touched in bed.

"Oh god, yes, I love your big cock. I love your beautiful vagina but I love you filling me with your big cock." She went deeper and deeper, feeling her first orgasm of the night approaching as her increased tempo enflamed her swollen clit more and more, and by fortune they both exploded at the same time, as she had promised Amelie crying out her name.

The idea of taking Amelie in the arse didn't particularly appeal to Kaitlyn- she liked touching her there because Amelie did but she was pretty sure actual anal sex would be overly brutal for minimal gain. But the idea of rougher sex sounded good, as long as Amelie stopped her if it were getting too much, so after some more kissing and fondling, she flipped Amelie over and commanded her to put her bottom in the air. Then she took her from behind, playing with her clitoris and a breast at first, amazed at how hungrily Amelie's tunnel swallowed up her toy, and at how much her girlfriend seemed to welcome it, pushing back into her and moaning. She then went harder, hands on Amelie's hips as the other girl held onto the bed frame, then leaning into her and holding the frame herself, buried inside of her and bucking away, close again to a clitoral orgasm. Pushing their boundaries, she then smacked Amelie's asscheek. "Oh, I've been naughty, do whatever you want..."

Thinking this would be the edge of what she was personally comfortable with right now, she tugged on Amelie's hair with moderate force, pulling her into the barrage from behind, and the other girl seemed to love it, and called out "Who's your king?" "You are! Oh, you are my king, my queen, oh God, I'm coming aga...a...in..."

As she collapsed into a heap, Kait let go of her hair, not wanting to hurt her, and continued for another minute or so until she was close to coming herself again before hurriedly peeling off the harness to reveal a shimmering mess of sticky juices and prominent bud, wide open vulval petals from her aroused state.

"You tasted me and fucked me as a man, honey, now it's time to make love to me as a woman, as your woman."

Thirstily Amelie propped herself up on her elbows and lapped away at her sticky crotch, delighting in it, calling herself her "little pussy licker", eating away from on top and then behind as they changed position until Kaitlyn had come enough as well and exhausted they huddled up together.

"I really needed that. I enjoyed being your little obedient pet, but don't you dare call me any of those things on most nights! But you seem to know exactly when I want to take charge or want you to take charge, Kait, like you can read me. When you're in charge, you really can do anything to me, I loved knowing that I was completely at your mercy. Sometimes that's what I want, to not have any responsibility, just don't expect it every day."

She gave a sweet kiss, tasting of Kaitlyn.

"But for now, sleep. And then tomorrow we can try to fix this strange world."


	18. Girls Like Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight edit to make the ending fit better with the original storyline.
> 
> Next chapter out this weekend

 

Kaitlyn still managed to balance being Amelie's girlfriend in public with still spending time with Arjun, keeping the two separate where she could, promising her girlfriend that she'd find a more permanent solution but really not sure what that was.

_At some point I am going to have to tell him. I just have to do it in a way that swears him to secrecy first!_

Despite the general restriction this meant they were under, Amelie still seemed very happy. Now they tended to sleep in one or the other's bed together at night (not always making love first, but it was a regular occurrence though recently less loudly after Zach had pointedly described what had happened that night after the party), and Kaitlyn had discovered that the more sex they had the more amazing it got. A part of her had worried that it might get boring but in fact Amelie had gotten to know exactly how to instil the most pleasure in her, and her with Amelie, and swapping roles between playing dominant, obedient and equals was really hot.

They also continued to have dates, and even helped Tyler and Abbie, Kaitlyn's second favourite couple, to plan the perfect dates too. Those two hadn't consummated their relationship yet, everyone needing a different timeframe for these things, but from what Abbie said she finally felt like she was ready, which made Kait very excited. She wanted the best for her friends.

Chris was still single, by choice, and had started spending time planning for his presidential campaign, and Zach and Brandon definitely were not abstinent. For all his mutterings about how loud they had been, Zach was not quiet when he was taking Brandon inside him, but they seemed happy as well, and Kaitlyn couldn't begrudge them a thing. The one complication there was that Brandon was planning on heading to Peru next semester, and Zach was worried about coping without him. They'd all talked with him about it, trying to make him see that I'd be fine but he was a lot less self-assured than he pretended to be.

This was all working well for a couple of weeks, until Arjun asked, Kaitlyn thought, to meet and catch up on a Friday evening, in a bar that did quite fancy food. Happy for a chance to catch up with her old friend properly, she had agreed but as soon as she told the rest of the house, they had all glanced between each other, the silence heavy and implicit.

"What? Why are you all looking like that?"

Zach was the first to answer. "He's taking you out on a date, Kaitlyn. Date night, date time, date place and he's definitely into you."

_No way. It was just a friend thing, wasn't it?_

Nope. Everyone else in the room said the same thing. "He thinks this is a date, Kaitlyn..."

_Crap. Maybe they are right. I was worried this might happen, but I didn't want to admit it to myself._

As Abbie and Zach pointed out every bit of evidence that Arjun was looking for, and expecting, a date, her heart sunk. It sounded pretty conclusive when it was laid out like that.

"What do I do?! He's expecting to hang out with me, and it sounds like he's going to ask me out and it's going to be so awkward..."

They floated a number of options. Zach, unhelpfully, said the easiest thing to do at this point after leading him on (?!) would just be to marry him.

_Nah, the easiest thing would be to punch your unfunny face Zach._

Amelie floated several useful suggestions. Say she needed to study (Kaitlyn replied that she didn't want to lie to him, to which Abbie, correctly but again, not helpfully, pointed out that she'd been lying by omission since the start), or that she was feeling unwell, or just that she was into, or in a relationship, with her. That last one made her heart flutter but it wasn't as easy as all that.

In the end though, Tyler had a solution.   
"He's expecting to hang out but nobody specified how many other people would be there..."

And like that, operation "Just Friends" was born. They'd all come to the venue as a group and it would be a group hang-out. Then once she got through the evening, she'd find a way to make it clear that she wasn't interestee to Arjun without hurting his feelings.

  
_Maybe Amelie is right. Making it clear I'm a lesbian would show to him that it's not him, it's the fact that I don't fancy guys. And I'm in a relationship already! But it's so hard to do, to come out like that..._

Anyway, they set up for the "Friend date", walking into the chosen bar together. Arjun was obviously pissed off at seeing a group of them come in: he definitely thought this was a date, or a chance to ask for one. However, despite more anxious bumbling from Zach (whom Becca thankfully dragged away for a "Time Out" at the pool table), Chris and Amelie managed to make Arjun seem a bit happier engaging him in conversation about how his classes were going, and what their own favourite topics were. One moment that made her smile was Arjun asking Amelie about the boys in her life, obviously noting that she was undeniably, how did Kaitlyn put this? Fucking flawless, both in terms of looks and personality.

Amelie gave a cute chuckle and smiled at him, implying very strongly that she wasn't interested in boys right now. She even locked eyes with Kaitlyn during this, trying to give Arjun the hint to even start thinking that not everyone might be straight and thus receptive to flirting with men.

_She's trying to give him a clue and give me a way in easily._

However, increasingly unsubtly, Arjun made comments that revealed his infatuation, to the extent that she couldn't even pretend not to realise any more.

The oblivious praising of her and how she would make a boy happy one day, all with the obvious pressure in the atmosphere growing, an inevitability that once he got her alone he would ask her out, and she'd have to explain...

It was getting too much, frustration at how he clearly didn't know her as well as he thought he did, or read her disinterest now, or listen to her friends trying to send a message, the idea that her being gay, anyone being gay, was so alien a concept that it had to be spelt out before it would cross anyone's mind in her stupid hometown, the level of unmalicious unthinking prejudice she would face regarding this. This presumption. It was too much.

Finally, midway through another bout of adulation from the starstruck Arjun, to an Amelie whose face clearly showed mixed amusement, agreement and exasperation, she couldn't hold it in.

"I'M GAY!!!"

Well. She had said that. For a moment she wasn't sure it hadn't been a very loud thought, as the bar was struck with silence like a curse, but once that had dragged out for perpetuity, his mouth fell slack, and he looked deeply upset.

After a while, they talked it out, and Arjun was upset. Not so much because she wasn't into him at all, or even that she was gay, but that she hadn't trusted him enough to say (though he understood why she was anxious about her parents finding out) and that she had actively tried to hide it from him. Both she and Amelie tried to explain why, how she had been scared, which was pretty sweet considering how Amelie had (right as usual) been telling her that she should and could tell him from the start, and he seemed to get it, but still hurried off, hurt that he had to find out this way.

She was worried that she'd done this wrong, and that she'd hurt him and would affect her friendship, but it was still a weight off her shoulders, and a relief that he didn't mind about the actual fact of her sexuality at all.

_Mum and Dad will be different, but hopefully they'll understand as well. Not yet, but I think I should start planting the seeds to come out. They are visiting soon, so I wonder how I can take the first step?_

Out anyway, they all shared a drink and played some pool, before most of them headed home.

Amelie stayed with Kait though, trying to cheer her through her mixed emotions.

"Hey, girlfriend, now that we are all in the open again, how about we celebrate with a makeover and then a date? Don't worry about Arjun, once he gets over his hurt he'll come around."

And that's what they did, watching a film together (Amelie caved and accepted the suggestion of a slasher revenge flick, though made Kaitlyn promise to see a chick-flick with her later that weekend) and then heading to a chic vintage boutique where she bought a tight blue top that showed off her boobs with a trendy leather jacket and some fitted new jeans.

Amelie practically salivated when she came out of the dressing room, significantly boosting her mood. "Damn, my girlfriend looks hot!"

She inched closer and murmured the next words low so that only Kait could hear them, hear them straight in her soul, raising the hair on her arms and sending a rush through her.

"Don't get too comfortable in them though. Now that your openly mine, I'm gonna rip them off you as soon as we get home and stake my claim on you. I want to christen your sexy body with that strap-on you've been using on me. Tonight, I'm going to prove to you that you never ever need a boy's cock to fill you up."

She could hardly get those words out of her mind on the journey back, and true to her word, Amelie started stripping Kaitlyn as soon as they entered their empty atrium, everyone else already in bed, and her girlfriend so eager and so territorial after watching a boy hit on her that she started their foreplay on the couch.

Their play ended in the bedroom, Kaitlyn taking the dildo in her pussy for the first time. She'd been worried that being based on a penis, it would feel too masculine compared to her lover's delicate (but dexterous) fingers or talented tongue. But, fuelled by the exceedingly feminine sight and smell of a naked, sweaty-breasted, gorgeous and aroused goddess wearing the toy and rubbing her sensitive spots with an intimate certainty, it felt amazing, being completely full of an extension of Amelie, didn't leave her even a bit confused as to whether she was being fucked by a man or a woman.

_Definitely something for us to regularly do!_

After she'd been finished off by the voracious belle for the second time, her vagina wonderfully sore and feeling weak at the knees, she dutifully ate Amelie out, enjoying her girlfriend being more forceful than she had ever been before.

_Maybe her being a bit jealous and protective from interested boys is a nice occasional addition to our sex life..._

They did have to eventually sleep though, and the rest of the weekend meandered by, having fun as a house and watching that romcom as she'd promised Amelie.

That week was followed by Valentine's Day, and They had entered as a couple into a Valentine's Day competition against Becca and Sebastian, Zach and Brandon, and Tyler and Abbie among others, the Game of Love. After several rounds of showing how much they knew about their partners (full marks for them), singing a duet (which they nailed, Amelie with a crooning sultry voice and Kaitlyn happy with her own performance - Amelie was ecstatic, saying she'd sung at a professional quality. Sadly Sebastian was a talented musical theatre performer and his act with Becca was very strong), archery and then finally a dance competition. Despite blatant cheating from, well no need to guess who, some extra practice beforehand meant that she and Amelie won, and won the entire competition, getting to finish Valentine's Day with a wonderful dinner date paid for by the school in a swanky high quality Italian Restaurant.

After one of the best meals she had ever eaten, and another amazing night in the hotel room they had also won, Kaitlyn realised she had a little less than one week to mentally prepare for her parents' visit.

She was pretty sure she was ready for it.

She was, it would later transpire, utterly wrong.

As useful as all this distraction was, Kaitlyn knew what was coming up would be a tricky obstacle. Her parents visiting town, for the first time since she had started here, left her was excited to see them, and honestly (though she wouldn't introduce her as her girlfriend, obviously - she needed to build her parents very very slowly up to any concepts like that) she was looking forward to them meeting Amelie, who was also her best friend. They wanted to take her, Amelie and Arjun out together to watch Romeo and Juliet, the ballet version. Her parents loved that play, and she knew a Shakespeare fan like Amelie would love it too, and was delighted they'd invited her (they were very pleased to meet such a "good friend" of Kaitlyn's, had always been worried that she wouldn't make any close female friends in College, as she had tended to hang out more with boys at home), but she was worried that they had another agenda with Arjun. Her dad had often made comments about setting them up and thought the world of him, and having finally persuaded Arjun that she wasn't the girl for him, the idea of doing that to her father, a stubborn man, as well, whilst balancing hiding her lesbianism, was daunting.

She had warned Amelie, briefly, what to expect from that weekend, but hoped that despite those stressors, it would still be fun.

  
That delightful repose over, the rest of the week they focussed on helping Chris prepare to take on Sebastian.

This was a tough task at times - Chris was pleasant and idealistic in his first hustings, proposing a lot of things that would help students at the school, especially those with less means of support at home (like Amelie, she thought). It was a positive approach and Kaitlyn liked it and loved him for it, but it wasn't without risks when students could be so cynical. Sebastian was far more destructive, attacking Chris and the realism of his ideas as well as sowing seeds of doubt over his motivation rather than making any suggestions of his own. Unfortunately, that might work for him, "ad hominem arguments were often as effective as they were fallacious", as Amelie succinctly put it.

In order to even compete with Sebastian, they first needed to get a hundred people to sign up to corroborate Chris' nomination, a task that the group of them did using their differing skillsets. Kaitlyn used her forwardness and charisma to urge them to sign, Tyler and Abbie logic, Zach bargaining and Amelie pure charm, even convincing the likes of Madison to sign up despite Becca supporting Sebastian.

It even started snowing, yet again, making Kaitlyn giddy with glee.

_Yes! I knew coming North for College was a good move. Hopefully this will be less intense than last time..._

Despite his fraught departure from hospital and apparent continuing reproach of Amelie for not telling him the truth about Vasquez, James turned up to help them as Chris's speechwriter and advisor, and Kaitlyn took on the burden of campaign manager, wanting something other than work and Amelie to focus on. Arjun also arrived to help, apparently forgiving her and still very keen on remaining friends.

_Thank God for that._

Together they made good progress, basically using cupcakes made by Amelie and Zach as bribes, until a concert (starring as big a name as Alyssa Griffin! After Hayley Rose's scandalous imprisonment a few months ago, only Raleigh Carrera, bad girl R and B solo artist who had recently controversially left Sunset Skatepark was a trendier name in pop music) set up by the Evil Alliance of Sebastian and Becca disrupted their stand and started to make things look hopeless.

However, yet another stroke of inspiration from Tyler helped them over the line - using food colouring left over from the baking to dye the snow falling around them and sell coloured snow balls for a snowball fight for people heading to and leaving from the concert, as long as people signed to support Chris. It was a masterstroke and took them past the numbers they needed, much to the sneering Delacroix's chagrin.

  
Kait and Amelie got involved in their own snowball exchange, Kaitlyn getting the better of her girlfriend and taking the opportunity to 'kiss it better', and soaking in this beautiful time alone with her, no sex, just comfort in each other's company.  
  
Hand in hand they walked back to the apartment.

The door was open.

_Huh. The others must have beaten us back._

But standing inside were two different faces. Two Kaitlyn loved very much, and had forgotten in the excitement of helping Chris that they would be coming this weekend.

That they had come early. _Crap! I haven't had a proper chance to brief Amelie! And we just walked in here like a couple!_

She dropped her girlfriend's hand like it was made of hot iron, praying her parents hadn't noticed.

It seemed ok as they introduced themselves, pleased to meet the girl she couldn't shut up about at last.

"Um, Mum and Dad, this is Amelie, my friend. Amelie, these are my parents."

 


	19. Shut Up

Luckily, after a confused start, Amelie flew into full charm mode and seemed to be getting on with her parents very well. The rest of the house arrived and greeted 'Peter and Grace Liao', generally making a good impression, even if Kaitlyn did have to throw Amelie a pleading glance before she inevitably said something witty and clever but potentially revealing (her parents weren't idiots! Dad is a doctor for Christ's sake, she tried to convey in a look) to the statement "I hear you've gotten very close." She remained sensitive though, and when the topic of Arjun came up, marvellously skirting over any tension and smiling about how well they were getting on (well, that is true... now). Mum and Dad formally invited Amelie and Arjun to join them to watch the ballet.

Before too long, after the journey from Texas, Kaitlyn's parents went to bed in their nearby hotel, leaving some boxes of stuff for Kaitlyn to take up to her room. Amelie came with her, and she decided it was an opportunity to discuss the weekend in some more detail.

As was par for the course, Amelie snuck in some literature jokes (promising not to take her role as Romeo too literally, given the murder-suicide bits of the play). Just as much as she was glad to have Amelie there to support her through a ballet that was probably going to be used as a way for her dad to push her and Arjun together (Amelie had already noted that he seemed to be wanting to do that, and she had to agree. He had done it before.), Amelie also seemed delighted to be invited. She loved Shakespeare even amongst other classics, and loved the irony of watching the famously misrepresented tragedy with the parties involved.

Thinking about navigating this romance with her parents, just after dealing with Arjun, all whilst she was treated as though they would have some kind of arranged relationship, left her exhausted.

_I love my parents, but why can't they leave my love-life alone? It's already awkward enough with Arjun..._

"What a crazy quarter..."

Amelie raised an eyebrow quizzically

"What do you mean?"

It was hard to explain. Everything should have been happy, but...

"I have great friends, I have an amazing girlfriend and I was finally beginning to like myself..."

She managed to splutter a bit of how she felt out, feeling childish that unlike her eloquent belle she couldn't articulate it better, get to the root of why pressure from her home life was so overwhelming here

"Then I have all of these people from home turn up and ruin everything!"

She had started to choke up getting that out, feeling her explanation had been woefully inadequate. _Ruined everything?! How immature am I trying to sound. But it's kind of true, they are like this wall around the real me that I'm not strong enough to climb yet._

Amelie was there to console her though, never judging, just holding her tight. "It'll be ok, sweetie."

Her compassion made Kaitlyn feel even more inadequate, as she cried on her girlfriend's shoulder, being hugged and patted by this epitome of composed grace whilst she fumed at her own inexplicable emotions. She tried to console her, reminding her that Arjun knew already and her parents were just visiting, but Kaitlyn knew she had to address the elephant in the room.

"They are going to find out one day, I know that. They have to. But I've tried to imagine it so many times and... I can't. I have no idea what they'll say, and that scares me so so much."

She managed to cough up her worst fear. "What if they disown me?"

Amelie looked a mix of skeptical and sympathetic, a combination that was partially helpful but showed that, despite trying to, despite having to come out herself and admitting that had been awkward, despite how empathetic she was and how much she tried to support Kaitlyn as best as she could, she didn't fully and couldn't fully understand.

Her parents may not have been comfortable with it, but from what she's said of her background, here in progressive New England with forward thinking parents, they were never going to reject her for being attracted to girls. That's not the same for me, my home town, my upbringing, my family's traditional values, the Taiwanese heritage and the conservative views and the religious beliefs- I hope they won't, and I don't think they won't, but they could. I know people that it's happened to, I've read of many more, and between changing your beliefs utterly...

"I don't think so, but I don't know, and that possibility scares me."

That was as simple as she could put it. She wished that she had absolute faith that this wouldn't destroy her relationship with her parents, maybe it was an indictment against her or them that in this area she couldn't trust their relationship to hold, but the fact was that she couldn't.

Amelie didn't completely understand, but she didn't need to. She could still completely support her. Kissing her, she reminded Kaitlyn that she still had her friends. "And no matter what, you'll always have me."

As a welcome diversion, she invited Amelie to help her unpack the boxes of stuff her parents had brought. She reminisced and taught an engrossed Amelie about her school years, sifting through stuff. Including her old diary.

_Oh boy. At least I can be pretty sure my parents didn't read this, or not the significant bits - wouldn't have to worry about coming out then!_

She read through a bit with Amelie, about sports and bonding with her dad, but stopped in embarrassment before she had gotten to any of the bits she had been worried about her dad reading.

 _Like the party where I realised I might like girls. Or the first kiss where I realised I definitely did.._.

Still, it had taken the edge off her anxiety, and wishing her love goodnight, she went to bed.

The next day, Amelie slept in, so Kaitlyn had the chance to make breakfast for her, with the pleasant surprise of Arjun turning up at the flat to help them get ready. They had a long talk to talk whilst Amelie slept, Kaitlyn apologising for not trusting him, but trying to explain why she'd found it so hard to come out to someone she knew from back home, Arjun for taking it so badly and not reading that she didn't like him as more than a friend. They got onto the subject of their sleeping beauty, and Kait felt completely liberated by being able to talk completely honestly about her girlfriend with someone from her old life. She had gushed about how wonderful she was to her parents, but romantic aspects of how wonderful and patient she had been with Kaitlyn had obviously been off limits there. Being able to speak about how strongly she felt, how they'd ended up going out, with a friend was amazing, and Arjun, for a man recently spurned, was amazingly supportive. In the end, saying he liked Amelie himself from their interactions, he resolved to help them deter her parents from finding out about Kaitlyn's sexuality for now, and to help deflect focus that her dad would inevitably put forward about the possibility of her and Arjun dating.

They woke up sleeping beauty, explained the plan to work together to keep Arjun and Kait apart, and time a little tight now, rewarmed her breakfast whilst Amelie got changed.

And duly looked stunning in an elegant white dress.

_Man, keeping my eyes off her will be hard! It'll impress mun and dad though, and in the long run, that's important._

Kaitlyn herself had gone in a slinky maroon outfit. The ballet was a good time to dress up.

And swiftly they were off to catch the train.

Now with everything in the open, Kaitlyn got to enjoy the spark of friendship between her old pal and her new best friend slash girlfriend. Both were smart, warmed to each other and quick to join in banter, or to be more generous, fairly highbrow witticisms and snarky remarks. Their positive interaction really helped to calm her down, reminding her how much her family and home friends loved her and how likeable Amelie was. This could work. Eventually.

Keeping Amelie a secret girlfriend was probably hard for her. Kaitlyn didn't think that anyone wanted to be treated like some kind of skeleton in the closet, and it meant that not did she have to pretend not to be herself but so did Amelie. There would be a way to navigate this. Just... It would take time, and planning, and a readiness that she didn't have right now.

They arrived at Northbridge with plenty of time, greeted by her parents who praised Amelie's stylish taste, and praised Arjun in general, as per standard. Even this early on, it was pretty heavy-handed, and everyone, even Kaitlyn's mum, looked a tad uncomfortable.

Still, spending time with her parents, and seeing them light up as they told the story of seeing this show for the first time together, it was something she had missed and was glad to share. They mixed sipping pre-show drinks (only wine for the older adults, but Kaitlyn still wasn't really keen to try alcohol again just yet, so who cared? Mum and Dad were enjoying theirs but were in good humour and seemed in control) with asking questions about Amelie's life(including whether she had a boyfriend - which obviously she took pleasure, to Kaitlyn's mild embarrassment and concern, in answering referring to her without naming her...), how all 3 were finding College and of course anecdotes about Arjun and Kaitlyn that were cute and nostalgic but laced with implication.

This continued for the show. She'd luckily managed to swap with mum so that Amelie was next to her, furtively holding hands below her parents' line of sight, but dad had plonked Arjun next to her as well.

_Awkward but given that he's on board, I guess it's kind of a buffer either side of me._

The comments about Arjun's cleverness, good looks, friendship with her, basically one step from saying "suitability as a boyfriend", kept coming fast, despite a valiant attempt from all three of them to deflect and distract and find another topic to interest her father. Kaitlyn had to suppress a sigh of relief when the first act actually started.

_He would shut up doing that, he loves this ballet and hates people talking through it._

Amelie had been stroking her hand soothingly for a while, and now settled into holding it loosely, probably just about explainable as an action between two close female friends. She was as avidly into the performance as Peter.

It was a good show, well executed, and Kaitlyn appreciated it. She liked plays, liked classic music from time to time, and liked dancing, and it was beautiful and moving. Amelie seemed entranced by it, though, and watching her watch it, rather than watching the ballet itself, was a truly affective art. She gasped silently at every spectacle, went moist eyed when it was sad and smiled a shard of pure light when the mood was happy.

_Beautiful. I can't imagine what my life would be without her._

Sadly, an ominous thought, because things were about to turn sour in a way that eclipsed the limits of Kaitlyn's imagination.

In the interval, elated at how well things were going and the ballet, if discouraged by the sheer determination of her father to push the Arjun angle, she went outside with Amelie, who, to be fair, didn't help things by reminding her that one way to stop the parental matchmaking would be to come out to them. It was meant to be half honest advice and half joke, she was sure, and yes it probably would be better to be honest, but she was beginning to get frustrated at Amelie repeating this point. She got it, got why it was fairer on Amelie too, she wasn't ready, she was trying to tell Amelie not to push it. It was like a mirror image of her father.

That made her giggle, and apart from a light reproach she didn't tell Amelie how unhelpful the pushing was for now. It was her nature, and addressing it would be better in a more relaxed talk at home. Amelie asked if she'd ever tried to tell her parents she was gay. "Yeah, like I thought about it once a day for while, but whenever I thought it might be the right time, it never was." She'd kept putting it off until it seemed like she hadn't needed to do it any more, here in College. "Until Arjun showed up, right?".

_Yeah. That._

It was pretty distressing to have something she thought she was on top of, or at least didn't have to think about any more, come back so debilitating, like it was seeking revenge for her ignoring it the last few months.

If they'd left it at that then it would all have been fine. But Amelie looked too good, had been too good all evening, to resist. And, assuming that they were safe as the others got snacks as they had planned to inside, Kaitlyn gave in to temptation and kissed her.

A brief kiss would have been just about fine, but whether it was the romantic theme of the ballet, the effect of the wonderful music, the thought of togetherness with Amelie or just how damned good she looked in that dress, Kaitlyn couldn't stick to that. To be fair, her girlfriend hardly pulled back, sinking into the passionate, starving kiss with enthusiasm.

After a long time, breathing in each other and letting her transiently forget her troubles, Kait pulled away, eyes closed as she faced her.

"I wish I could tell them about you."

She really did. This girl meant so much to her, nearly as much as they did. Surely it wouldn't be that ba...

As she opened her eyes, she was struck with foreboding. Amelie looked pale, and was looking past her. A rabbit in the headlights.

_Oh no._

"Maybe you don't have to." That was said with real concern.

_Oh no, no, no, no!_

She turned as she heard her father's broken voice, saw his stricken face. "Kaitlyn?"

"No! This isn't what it looks like!"

But he just excused himself and headed back inside, looking like she'd just stabbed him in his gut.

Kaitlyn felt hollowed out. On the verge of vomiting.

_The look on his face. He hates me. He hates me._

She would be crying except her body seemed to be in shock. Amelie reached out for her, but she couldn't abide her touch, not right now. She couldn't explain why, but reliving the act that had made her father look like that... it made her relive the look on his face and the icy dagger through her chest she had felt, the numbness still there but the pain an echo of its intensity.

Her mum rushed outside. "Oh sweetie, I saw what happened..." She tried to comfort her as well, explaining that she had always known, giving her a hug, and saying that they both loved her regardless, that dad would come around.

_He won't. He hates me. He looked at me like I was dead to him._

Amelie was talking to her mum now. She didn't know what she'd said, she wasn't focused on this moment, stuck in that image from a few minutes ago.

A small part of her knew she wasn't being rational, but all she could feel was despair. This would never end. It would never be ok to be who she was. Who she was drove dad away. It was all her fault.

She was furious with herself for getting caught like that, with Amelie, though she knew it was unfair, for not stopping her and for trying to be calm and reassuring now.

_I can't be reassured! My father hates me! She screamed inside._

She dully accepted her mother's hug and said she was going home. She couldn't bear to stay here, to see dad's face, to be reminded of that moment of pervasive shame that she had felt. She had never felt ashamed of who she was and what she loved before now, scared but never ashamed. Now she did, keenly, to her core. She never should have come out here. She never should have gotten a girlfriend. She never should have kissed Amelie. If she hadn't, she'd still feel safe being gay, not like this.

Amelie was following her home, calling out to her. She couldn't deal with anyone right now, but she slowed down to let her catch up, hoping she'd get the hint from her silence - she couldn't bear to talk, just wanted to get home and cry herself to sleep.

She didn't. She tried to talk, kindly as always, to see if she was ok, to note that that this wasn't how she wanted things to have happened.

_Of fucking course it wasn't! Of course I'm not!_

"Amelie!" She snapped. The other girl meant well, she knew, she should love her for this, but she just needed space and silence now. It was too raw.

"I don't want to talk. It's just too soon. Can we not?"

The other girl tried to take her hand, but she couldn't accept her touch, shook it away.

"I just want to go home"

And they did. In silence, Amelie looking with her eyes to start a conversation but thankfully listening to her wishes for once and not speaking. The whole way, she tried to block out the memory, to force herself into oblivion, nothingness so she could stop feeling this shame.

She couldn't.

Usually she'd have felt better, with any other thing she'd have felt supported and stronger, with Amelie sitting there with her, but right now she didn't know what to think about herself. She needed to be truly alone, to forget and then to find her identity again, and having this girl, this constant reminder that she was attracted to girls, attracted to her, was making it impossible.

Once they got home, she headed straight to bed. She slammed the door.

For what seemed an eternity she tried to clear her head, that's what she needed before she tried to sort her head, sort this whirlwind of feelings: anger, which she knew was unjustified; sadness, soaking her through; fear; attraction and love for the girl outside; shame about that attraction; helplessness; utter loss of control.

That was the worst bit. Any thoughts of controlling this were crushed in an instant of lust that could easily have waited a few hours. Obviously this had been too soon. She'd told them all it was too soon to think about telling her parents.

Her phone buzzed. Message from mum. Worried.  
At least she still cared. But dad wouldn't. Nothing from him. She had known the whole time as well, and not told dad or spoken to her about it. She'd known that it was impossible for him to know then. That was it.

She hugged her knees, trying to cry, to get something out of her so it wasn't trapped burning her inside. But her body wouldn't respond, too upset to weep.

Then, a knock on the door.

Anger won over. She obviously wanted to be alone. "Go away!"

Silence.

"Kaitlyn, it's me" Amelie's voice. A confusion in this moment, she wasn't ready to see her. "I'm coming in."

_Of course she is._

The door creaked.

_Why did she come in? I can't deal with her right now, I know she means well but no means no!_

"Is it too much to ask for a little privacy in this place?!"

She glared at her entering friend. She looked worried, ashen.

_Great. I can't deal with her worry on top of this. Too many emotions._

"Kaitlyn, I'm sorry your parents had to find out this way..."

 _You're sorry?! She doesn't even understand, I knew she couldn't. Her parents aren't my parents_.

"I'm really not in the mood, Amelie." She made eye contact for the first time. "Did you see how my dad looked at me? Like he didn't even know me."

"Aw come on on Kaitlyn." She sat down next to her, arm around her. Trying to reassure her. But there was no reassuring here. The damage was done, Amelie's optimism couldn't fix it. "Whatever happens, you know you can always talk to me. To tell me how you feel."

_No. Right now I can't. I can't even tell myself how I feel. I feel everything at once and like I've been gutted of feeling at the same time. You have no idea how I feel, and you don't seem to realise it. And I said I didn't want to talk._

The anger took over once again.

_Why does she always push? She cares, but why did that always mean ignoring it when I say no? You don't always know right!_

"You know what Amelie?" She pushed her arm off her, to hammer the point home. "You seem to be having a hard time listening to what I'm saying today, so I'll spell it out for you. I. Don't. Want. To. Talk."

She seemed upset now, panicked. "Sorry! I wasn't trying to be pushy..."

 

"But you are!" _It's part of who you are, for good or bad, but right now I can't handle it._

She softened. Annoying or not, Amelie was only like this because she was kind and she cared. It wasn't her fault her dad had caught them, or acted that way, or that Kait was gay. Just her fault that she didn't listen.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. But when I said I didn't want to talk, I meant it."

She looked worried still. "Ok. No talking. What should I do to take your mind off it?"

 _She really doesn't get it._ That was impossible, and wasn't going to help. Ignoring this wasn't going to make her straight, or bring her father back around, or change the past. She needed to clear her emotions and think about this. And Amelie couldn't help with that. Would actively not help.

"Nothing! I don't want to take my mind off it and I don't want to talk about it. I just want to be alone for a while."

_Something I have already said, and should have been clear from the closed door._

"How long is a while?" She had never heard Amelie sound so insecure.

 _How long was it? Who knew?_ How on Earth could she know that now? But she wasn't going to be able to sort this out with Amelie around. She was too confusing when this was about her sexuality.

_I have to stop being her girlfriend for a bit. I need the space, and the emotional space, to sort this out and I owe it to both of us to do that rather than kill this relationship by bringing it into my messed up head right now._

This was going to hurt.

"I don't know. But I think we ought to put things on pause for a while."

She still thought she loved this girl. But right now, if they tried to push through whilst she was feeling like this, whilst Amelie clearly couldn't step back like she was asked to, then she knew it wouldn't last. And that would be horrible.

Now Amelie did look terrified. "Things? What things?"

_You have to do this, Kait. It's the only way._

"Us things. Our... Relationship." Her face was heartbreaking, and this was killing Kaitlyn. But it was honesty. "I need time to figure things out. And I just don't think I can do that whilst I'm afraid of upsetting you."

"Are you breaking up with me?!"

She couldn't meet Amelie's eyes. _I hope not. But for now, it seems like it. It was strange, to break up with someone because you worried about their feelings too much, because they cared about you. But none of this made sense._

She answered honestly.

"I don't know." Saying that cut her to her heart, and she could see it hurt Amelie, and that hurt her even more. Which proved her point. If she kept Amelie around whilst she figured this out, it was going to hurt them both even more.

"But, Kaitlyn..."

"Please. Just go."

She did, finally listening.

Unable to decide whether she'd made the worst mistake of her life, Kaitlyn finally felt those tears come. She cried herself to sleep, afraid of tomorrow.

 


	20. Dazed and Confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for any discrepancies in the story compared to the original, I've tried to make this make more sense from Kaitlyn's side, I hope you like it. 
> 
> I have, and might need to do more, tweaking of the bit just before reconciliation, because the reconciliation in the game was a bit abrupt. Sorry if it doesn't quite fit.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I hope I've been able to demonstrate her confused but slowly improving mental and emotional state. I've tried to get a steady progress in her internal dialogue, but it means this is a pretty lengthy chapter!

The next two weeks were torture. Amelie kept her promise to give her space, took it completely seriously and seemed to try to avoid her altogether, though she constantly threw glances her way at the start to see if Kaitlyn would look back.

 

Kaitlyn couldn't help but look her way from time to time, despite her instigating it she was finding it physically painful having Amelie out of her life. Her resolve wasn't as strong as it needed to be. But to be fair to both of them, she made sure to avert her gaze and avoid Amelie's when the other tried to catch it. 

 

Time after time she wanted to take back what she'd said, but she knew it was necessary for now. Even more, she wanted to reassure Amelie that she still had feelings for her, but that was counterproductive. They both needed to focuses on themselves right now. At least saying she didn't hate her, that she wanted to still be friends would be a start, but she wasn't sure she could just be friends, every time she glanced at her, Kaitlyn's heart leaped, butterflies in her stomach. Plus as her friend, Amelie would constantly have to fight the urge she had told her to ignore, to try to help Kaitlyn. She couldn't understand that she had no ability to help her here, and she couldn't help her nature. No interaction was better, and Kaitlyn hoped that they could try to fix things once she had sorted herself out. 

 

Losing Amelie's friendship, outside of this specific issue, hit her harder than she'd anticipated. Left her feeling isolated which made her feel worse. She could still talk to other friends, spent more time with Arjun especially on Chris' campaign, but seeing too much of her housemates came with a risk of seeing her girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend? She really didn't know. She could barely stand that, hearing her voice made her feel an extra layer of visceral sadness, and seeing her face to face filled her with a guilt that froze her tongue and killed any polite platitudes or reassurances that her brain desperately wanted to get out. She had so many things that she hadn't realised Amelie was her first call to talk to about, and really even with Arjun she couldn't talk about the same stuff. Not helping was that she started her period a few days in to their "break", and with Abbie generally not around, felt more alone than ever in the flat. The other thing, though he knew about it, that she couldn't talk about and didn't want to, with Arjun, who luckily knew her well enough not to push it, was about her "outing" and her paused relationship.

 

From what she could tell, trying to help out all the others, Amelie was coping ok, the same composure on her face most of the time. That was one good thing at least. She wanted her to be happy, especially if it turned out that Kaitlyn couldn't be. And she couldn't. Maybe never would again.

 

Her mum had tried to call a few times but she hadn't picked up. She had been being serious, and non-specific, when she told Amelie she wasn't ready to talk. She message back to say so and her mum stopped calling.

 

_No attempt from dad yet. I'm dead to him._

 

She threw herself into Chris' campaign, her best way of staying involved with one friend with time away from the flat. Something to fill the emptiness. That and her studies, with end of Semester exams coming up, made sure she didn't spend too long in places that were painful. Sadly that included the flat. It was impossible to completely avoid Amelie there, and they did exchange the odd word when they crossed path, but every muted, curt, short conversation about breakfast or meeting for the campaign was heavy with the words between the lines, the feelings and thoughts that both were desperate to let out, but couldn't. 

 

Really nothing was fun for Kait in that time. Happiness was a memory or at most the echo of a feeling, traces felt in a song or a funny event until she remembered everything and despair and guilt squeezed the gladness out of her, like a black python, nebulous but somehow so solid.

 

At least Chris was doing well, his idealism meshed with understanding of what could be done making his arguments compelling, his charisma and boy next door looks not hurting. His rival focused on character assassination and naysaying of Chris' ideas, offering little constructive. He played up the efficient upper class stereotype, making out as though that made him good with money and at leading, rather than luck in the circumstance of his birth. Pretty much the only active policy he had was to take away grants for sports and the like, to "keep out the riffraff". 

 

_It's like Lord Rathbone was a parody of his actual views. How up yourself can you get?_

 

But thinking of Rathbone and the play, so recently but seeming older than history - some myth where she was happy before she got her current comeuppance, reminded her of doomed love and of Amelie. So did Sebastien's snide speeches, listening to them she was constantly aware that his policy would have prevented Amelie as well as Chris from remaining in this school. That might have been better for Kait in the long run, but her feelings and her admiration for Amelie were a part of her soul. The thought that someone as amazing and academic and deserving as Amelie would be denied a place here because someone as unpleasant as Delacroix deemed them unworthy was sickening. At least the rage cut through the self-loathing. 

 

The other girl seemed to look less and less fazed by their "break", getting on with life, with Vasquez and the book work and generally being the epitome of composure that she had before. Passing Kaitlyn and the awkward silence between them seemed to register less on her face.

 

_How can she cope so easily?_

 

Kait's heart was torn in two and she second-guessed her decisions that night every night. She was envious of the calmness that seemed to have regathered in her prior lover.

Moreso because despite not having to worry about hurting Amelie, not having anyone try to impose their ideas or their futile, impotent attempts to make her feel better, Kaitlyn still couldn't sort it out. She couldn't reconcile what she knew she was with the fact that it hurt her parents, couldn't work out who she could be to balance being proud and happy in herself and having her family proud and happy. She'd tried, and tried, to change her thoughts, to rationalize why her parents' felt the way they did and how to compromise with that, even once to wish herself straight, feeling even more ashamed when it hadn't worked (obviously) and she realised how much of a betrayal of herself it had been.

 

Really Amelie's assured equanimity in all this was the only positive for Kaitlyn so far, the small spark of satisfaction that her loved one was hurting less than she was, despite how sad and envious that made her, she still drew some shadow of happiness from Amelie's lack of pain. 

 

Soon even the compensation of her work for Chris paying off looked to be cursed. Sebastian came up to him after a major debate and hinted that he knew Chris' dark secret - that he had a criminal record. Only she, and Amelie who had stayed behind to congratulate Chris, had heard it.

 

 

Kaitlyn thought Chris would have told them, as friends and as the people managing and aiding his election bid, but Sebastian looked even more certain of himself than usual, and Chris abashed. After the smug snake had slithered off, Chris and Amelie drove off alone.

 

_Great. I guess I'll head home by myself then, Chris? At least they didn't ask if I wanted to share the car..._

 

After a delay, they arrived home where everyone was preparing to play some games, except her. She was planning to go to her room and try to read but when Chris announced he had to talk to them, she knew she had to stay to support him. He let them all know his history- how he had gotten involved in a bad crowd in school, when times were hard with his single mum struggling and his dad nowhere to be seen, had been caught joyriding and about to have the book thrown at him, but his Football coach had seen the potential, sporting and as a person, in him and vouched for him, gotten him the second chance that he was now trying to get the most out of and support other people like him. 

 

As they all reassured him that it didn't matter to them, that he could have told them, Kait saw the link to herself.

 

_He couldn't have told us. He cared about us and was worried that it would change how we see him. Why can't they all see that?! It's not always as easy as trusting people, sometimes you just need the time to manage things in your own way._

 

She was determined to give him help, not platitudes.   

 

To be fair the others seemed to as well, but by trying to find a way to fight back against Sebastian, something Chris explicitly forbade them from doing, wanting to take the high road, telling Zack that it didn't matter that it wasn't fair. Amelie, bound by her nature, said there had to be something they could do, aside from letting Sebastian blackmail him or coming clean, but he just asked for their support.

 

_That's what I'm going to do. He's been clear._

 

 As part of the drive to get students to engage in the elections there was a college-run party, a fancy one with a movie star theme, that night, and as campaign manager she probably ought to go. It turned out everyone was, and they spent an hour getting ready before reconvening. Kaitlyn decided she ought to look the part, so put on a slinky plum dress she had been saving for a special occasion, and waited for the others.

 

Everyone had dressed up, but none as breathtakingly as Amelie. Draped in pure white silk, cleavage out and dress billowing like Marilyn Monroe, she looked unbelievable. Good enough that it spoke straight to her libido, making her tingle and forget for a minute all that had happened in the past week and a bit.

 

"Wow... You look..." She dribbled out those words in a daze, Amelie looking straight at her with happy doe eyes and making her pulse speed up, before her mind caught up with her instinct. 

 

"Yes, Kaitlyn?"

 

_No. No oggling, no pining. This is only gonna confuse things more._

 

"Fine. You look fine."

 

A lie. 

 

Amelie knew it was as well, taking their break in her stride as ever. "Thanks Kaitlyn."

 

_What am I doing?_

 

As they arrived at the party, she got more anxious about being there. She still liked Amelie, a lot, but being around her was brutal, all the feeling bottled up, including her fear and her guilt, her uncertainty about the future, worse than before she had come out, after she realised she liked her and worried she would never be liked back. Knowing that she was liked back but that it was still so difficult, that choosing Amelie meant not choosing Papa, that was so much worse. Having to choose between her girlfriend and her family, who she was and who her parents needed her to be.  At least without Amelie watching over her shoulder she could examine these emotions properly, more able to avoid being worried about her reaction and without hearing suggestions from someone who seemed so certain about what they should always be doing. Kaitlyn would have killed for an ounce of that certainty. However, slowly over the last few days of helping Chris and focusing on herself, she had been reminded of some of the things she did actually like and respect about herself. Had been able to see herself as more than just a lesbian, helped by Arjun being there. Answers as to who she was, all the parts taken together, were coming closer. 

 

Being at a party with the love of her life was inherently a distraction from that. Any comfort she had built up from being with the group all together at the flat dissipated on arriving in a social situation, a stark reminder of simpler times mere weeks ago. She needed to be alone again.

 

As the others went to get drinks and dance, she excused herself and sat down at a table, heart aching and wishing she could just sweep her girlfriend up to dance once again. She sat back, musing the entire night, a night that was meant to be fun, but at least she felt like she was on the cusp of a breakthrough, rather than a breakdown, at last.

 

Over the next week, she was really busy. Exams came and passed, and she was pretty satisfied with how she thought she had done in them. Everyone was excited for the Boat Party coming up, but Kaitlyn didn't fixate on that. She was either going to go with Amelie, if miraculously things were simple by then, and didn't want that to further muddle her, or not at all. Campaigning continued over the actual voting period for student council, but inbetween all this, Kait managed to do some more thinking.

 

_I do still want to be with Amelie. It just isn't fair when I still feel I can't even love or look after myself, when I'm still tearing myself up for who I am, especially when part of that is linked to liking girls like Amelie. I just need a little longer. Maybe it's time to talk to mum about it all._

 

She'd do it this weekend after the final set of exams. She messaged her, after weeks of refusing to, to say she would call, that she was still alive but struggling. Messaged dad as well, to ask if he was ok, fearing equally that he would reply and that he wouldn't. She'd have to go home to visit before Summer Semester soon anyway, so it was better to clear the air with at least one parent before that happened. She just wished she could tell Amelie that it wasn't all over, give her an idea of the progress she had made. The space had helped. That she missed her, so much. 

 

_No. You've made a commitment to doing it this way. Besides, Amelie looks pretty happy. Maybe she won't even want to get back together with me._

 

Plus seeing her, trying to talk, after so long of this forced separation, just made her feel guilty and unable to pick which feeling to speak up about.

 

That realisation, and the fear that Amelie wouldn't want her back and she had blown it, alongside the contradictory knowledge that she still needed the space, and that a part of her still hadn't fully forgiven Amelie, in part for not listening to her, not giving her space and pushing when she said not to, and in part for not understanding what she had done wrong and why.

 

This became clear, hit her hard and nearly made her cry, when after the last exam and last vote had been consigned to history they were all attending the Presidential winner announcement and inauguration. It came with a dinner and everyone was dressed up, and should have been a time to bring the flat together, everyone's fingers crossed for Chris. But when Abbie invited her to sit at their table, she saw Amelie's face and that blur of emotions, of confusion, flared up. She wouldn't be able to resist the urge to talk to her, or to want to talk to her, and simultaneously couldn't bring herself through the guilt and confusion to do so, nor thought it was a good idea.

 

"I'd... Better not." She paced away, averting her gaze to avoid seeing Amelie's reaction, unsure if she'd hurt more to see indifference, concern or sadness there, but also so that Amelie wouldn't see hers, filled with shards of liquid glass stinging as she tried to hold them in.

 

 _I have no idea how this ends_.

 

She wasn't the only person who seemed on edge. Zach was already mourning for Brandon, who had left the night before to go to Peru. From what Kaitlyn had heard, Amelie had driven him to the airport for a final goodbye (the good side of her do-gooder nature -no act of help was too far for her) and they left on optimistic terms, but Kaitlyn knew, from the times she had gotten him alone in the last month or so, that he was really nervous about what would happen apart. She wasn't sure she was the best advert or person to reassure him about that right now. Abbie and Tyler seemed happy, but with the big result coming up, Chris was understandably tense.

 

Chris had taken a huge risk in the final pre-voting debate last week. He'd come clean about his criminal record, letting people decide for themselves how to judge him, taking power away from Sebastian who looked devastated at the move.  Honest and clever, making blackmail pointless. Hopefully it would pay off...

 

 

After an age of sitting with Ajay waiting for the final vote count to be announced, finally the time came. Ajay, chuffed, had been elected as Treasurer, Kaitlyn sincerely and genuinely the most happy she had been in weeks to congratulate him, knowing he'd earnt it and would do a fantastic job. And Chris was elected President, to the cheers of the hall.

 

_We did it._

 

After his acceptance speech and formal inauguration before an applauding crowd, and handshake from the Dean, Chris came to thank all his friends, Ajay and Kaitlyn on one side and the rest of the flat, all joint once again in their joy at his victory, the other side of him. Even Sebastian came up, to offer congratulations like a surprisingly gracious runner up. But then he threw a curveball, asking why Chris had dug up his secrets if he never intended or needed to use them.

 

It turned out, to Kaitlyn's only mild surprise, that worried about Chris being blackmailed out of the race and strictly against his request, the others had gone behind his back with a hint from a scorned Becca to search his laptop and had found that he was embezzling election funds to his personal account and had confronted him with it, saying they'd spill the beans if he didn't stop threatening Chris. It had no bearing on what happened, after Chris had come clean, but he seemed understandably betrayed and upset about it. Amelie, of course, took the blame, and she probably had been the impetus to act on things, that was her role as a protagonist, but the others quickly came in to say that they had pushed for it too, that it had been a group decision. Chris, rather than celebrating with his friends, left looking confused and deceived. 

 

Kaitlyn felt a blend of exasperation, annoyance and admiration for the other girl. This was classically her, a clear mistake and not respecting Chris' secret or his will, but done in the best of intentions, because she cared, and she admitted she had been in the wrong. Her need to help people, it had been a huge part of why she had fallen in love with her. 

 

And she had. She had been close to saying it a few weeks ago. She still was, the more she dwelt on this, on who she was and how she struggled with it and how Amelie had pushed too far, she kept coming to the conclusion that she loved her. Flaws and all, missed her with her mind and body and soul. But everything was so fast and confused, and she loved her parents too, and still felt torn. She didn't want to feel to, but her head was still in a mess. 

 

When her head had been in a mess when she was discovering that she was gay, sorting out new feelings for the first time and had nobody she could tell, the most scary part of her entire life, including now if she were honest with herself, she had created clarity and structure with her diary, by writing things down. Maybe that's what she needed to start doing again?

 

She bought a new journal to try it out from a store on the way home, and hurried into the flat to start, desperate to untangle her emotions, to get some sense to her thoughts. As she came in, the others seemed to all be talking together, about Chris who was upset they had gone behind his back. She locked eyes with Amelie, and felt that now familiar pang of heartache.

 

_I have to go._

 

She broke eye contact and powered into her room.

 

She had to get her head sorted out before she could talk to Amelie, and right now she'd be upset about hurting Chris. An awkward conversation or silence with her in the room wasn't going to help either of them, and she was still unsure of whether they would ever be together or even close again, although she knew that as an independent thing she wanted it, if there were nothing else to consider. She had to start writing. Zach tried to follow her in to her room, to see what was up, but she asked him to go away, needing the space. He looked worried but listened. 

 

She could hear them all through the wall. Amelie sounded pretty upset, and she stopped midway through opening the book.

 

"You should all stay away from me. People that get close to me end up hating me, and I don't want to lose you all too."

 

_Shit, she sounded distraught._

 

The others tried to reassure her, but for the first time since Kaitlyn had met her, Amelie sounded panicked. She was terrified that Chris would hate her, refusing to share the blame with the others. More of a gut punch though, a different stab of guilt, came next. She revealed she was scared she had lost Kaitlyn, and when a returning Zach tried to talk to her, Amelie practically sobbed. "Even if she does start talking to me again, I'm not sure we'll ever get back together."

 

_What? She had seemed so assured with this whole affair, standing back and not trying to check on what was happening, not applying any pressure at all._

 

In fact, once Kaitlyn had made it clear that she really did need the space, after that one day where she just couldn't stop trying to help and interfere, she had stepped back remarkably. 

 

That was what she had wanted, she hadn't seen that Amelie giving her space wasn't indifference. It was her way of showing she had learned, giving Kaitlyn back the control of the situation. She had needed that, but she hadn't interacted back to let Amelie know that things weren't over.

 

When Tyler tried to calm her again, she insisted that it was true, and asked to be left alone, sounding as lonely and upset as she ever had done. Abbie reminded them that Kaitlyn could probably hear through the wall, and Amelie fell silent, after a long groan.

 

_She doesn't want to push me again..._

 

When she spoke again, it was in a tiny voice, meek and almost broken. "I just want to get out of here. Maybe I can call my mum, and she can pick me up early tomorrow..." The others tried to get her to stay for the Boat Party, but she was in no mood to play and party, and said she had no intention of going. 

 

The sheer sadness, that Kaitlyn hadn't heard when she was at risk of getting kicked out of school due to lack of money or any other issue she had faced, was crushing. Despite her resolution, despite her need to write her thoughts down into some order, despite her disorientation about where she stood and where they stood, she decided right there she needed to come out of that room, to comfort her and hug her and say although she hadn't sorted things out she was getting there and she didn't and would never hate her.

 

She didn't get that chance. One second later, Amelie unprecedentedly on the verge of defeated tears, James knocked on the door and revealed that Vasquez had gone missing from the hospital where he was an inpatient with his cancer, that his daughter and doctors were hopelessly trying to find him. Obviously, typically, she pulled herself together and selflessly left to hunt him down, ignoring her hurt and that James had been blowing her off for weeks. Just like Kaitlyn herself.

 

Kait just missed them as she rushed out of her room.

 

_Shit. This is just getting worse. I needed space from her but it seems like she needed me._

 

Distressed, she went back to her bed and started writing, getting ready to put her thoughts on her sexuality on paper but first writing about Amelie. How she realized she cared so much about her, needed to get better so that she could tell her that. She started to feel better as the words poured out, about Amelie, about herself. The one thing that remained chokingly difficult to put into words was her parents. She should speak to mum, but it still hurt, savagely, that dad hadn't spoken to her, even with her sending a message a couple of days ago.

 

And then, lo and behold, her phone rang.

 

Caller: Home phone. Mum and Dad.

 

Hands shaking, she picked it up.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hi, Sweetheart, it's Papa. I'm so sorry I haven't called yet. Your mum wants to talk, she's worried about you, but first I have something to say."

 

She tensed up. Flight or fight response building up, heart thumping and fear building up behind her forehead, she somehow suppressed her urge to run and hide and keep avoiding facing this talk. She forced the words out.

 

"Ok. Ok, I'm listening."


	21. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so long and been so long!
> 
> After freshman book 3 I'll race through to get to the original post Senior stuff
> 
> I've made Vasquez's death just after rather than just before the boat party as tonally I think it works better.

There was a long silence on the phone, and Kaitlyn feared for a moment that it would all be over, that he would hang up on her like he had walked away dumbstricken in Northbridge.

Then the words came out of her phone.

"I just want you to know that I love you, whoever you are attracted to, and I should have said that at the time. I'm so sorry I didn't say anything, I was so surprised and my head was in a mess, and I needed this time to sort it out. I realise this wasn't fair on you, but until I knew where I was, how I felt, I wasn't ready to talk."

"You're right. It wasn't fair on me."

Her throat hurt and she could feel the emotion building up beneath it.

"I know. I wish I had seen it more at the time. I didn't mean to hurt you, honey."

She paused a second before replying.

"Well, you did hurt me, but I get that. I've, um, kind of done something similar to someone else and just realized it, and feel real crappy about it too, so I can't hold that against you too much!"

She had to force out the next words, scared of his answer.

"So...where are you? What do you think about me, now that you've thought about it?"

_God knows it's taken me long enough to decide what I think about me, twice now. I can't blame anyone else for being confused._

"Well, initially my thoughts were about you, and I love you no matter what, and accept who you are even if I don't understand it. But afterward my thoughts have been about me. About what I thought about you, and why I reacted like that, and how if my worldview and my love for my daughter were at odds, then the first thing is what needs to change. I love you, Kaitlyn, and if this is who you are then I want to understand it and cherish it. I can't say I'm comfortable with it yet, but I want to be."

That was enough. Her fears were dispelled and all that tension, weeks built on years in the background, burst and the emotions, the tears she had not allowed herself to think about flew forth, sobbing with relief over the phone to her bemused and uncomfortable dad.

"Ah. Ok, honey. There, there. Your mother wants to put you on speaker now, to talk with you as well."

*Sniff* "Ok. I love you, dad."

"Hi Kaitlyn," Mum's voice now "I know this has been tough, but I promise we are here for you, even if it took your dad a while to realize it. Now, now that everyone knows you prefer girls, let's talk about the girl we saw you kissing. Is Amelie your girlfriend."

_Oh yeah. Who knows?_

"She was. I'm not sure now, I've kind of been a bitch to her whilst I was trying to sort my head out, and I think she's struggling more than I thought she was with me stepping away. God, why am I so stupid?!"

"I'm sure if you explain what was going on and make it up to her, she'll understand and you'll still be together. It looked, and sounded from what I think we now realise were comments about you, like she likes you very much, and I don't think that's going to have gone away. Tell us about her."

And she did. She told her parents, for the first time, about a girl she liked. Sure, they'd already heard about Amelie, but now she could talk about how amazing she thought Amelie was. How supportive. How they'd found each other. How beautiful she was. And as she talked, feeling better and better for finally being herself in front of her parents, she realized how important Amelie was to her. How great she'd been, this small slip up where she couldn't stay back aside. How much she loved her. 

"Mum, dad, I think I love her."

"Well, it certainly sounds like it! You better tell her then, and if she's smart and stays with you, I look forward to talking to her properly. She is a beautiful girl, Kaitlyn, nobody can quibble with your taste, and she seems an intelligent and generous one as well. Don't let her slip away!"

_I won't. Not anymore._

They'd spoken for hours, and it was time for sleep. But she needed to know that Amelie was alright.

**_"Hey. I hope you're ok, I heard James talking about Vasquez. Can we talk tomorrow? Please let me know that you are ok. X"_ **

A nervous 15 minutes passed before:

**_"Hi. Things have been better, but Vasquez is ok in the end. I'm ok. Talk tomorrow. X" ****_**

********

********

After that, all she could do was sleep and wait.

She got up early, desperate to add more to the jumble of thoughts she had started last night, finding increasing clarity with every page. 

The smell of pancakes filled the air, seemingly a good omen for what Kait wanted to say.

When she'd been up for half an hour or so, she was disturbed by a gentle creak of the door, which she'd left intentionally ajar for the first time in weeks.

"Hi Kaitlyn. Can I come in?" Amelie's voice was timid but hopeful. 

"Sure!" She turned away from her writing, having moved on from using it for the catharsis into genuine pleasure.

"Are you starting a journal again?" Kaitlyn affirmed that, joking that hopefully it would be less embarrassing than the last one. 

There was an awkward pause.

Then...

"Kaitlyn, I'm sorry..." "Amelie, I'm so sorry."

Simultaneous. Amelie stopped and apologised for interrupting, letting Kait open her heart first.

"I'm sorry for shutting you out. I didn't realise, or think about, how much it would hurt you and how you couldn't tell whether I was making progress or not and where we stood, and I didn't consider that while I needed space, you had your own difficult stuff going on and probably needed support. You were only trying to help and I pushed you away. Please forgive me"

Her girlfriend (she hoped...) looked shocked and exclaimed, "There's nothing to forgive! Kaitlyn, I'm the one who should be sorry, and I am. I pushed you way too hard on the coming out thing, when I should have remembered how hard it was for me and realised that it would be even worse for you with everything else surrounding it. Then I was only trying to support you, but you made it clear that what you needed was time to think alone and I wouldn't, or couldn't, give it to you. I promise next time I will."

"How about we both admit we could have handled things better, learn and do better next time?"

Amelie smiled at that. "I think that's very wise. You seem much happier now, though, did you sort out your thoughts?"

She couldn't help her excitement in replying, glad to be able to talk to this sensitive woman again, knowing that each question was a thing she really wanted to know the answer to, that no inquiry was lip-service but delivered with the sole intent of making things better. Sometimes she forgot that people wanted a listening ear rather than advice or interference, or to be alone or to do things alone, but any action or question came in good faith. Good faith epitomised Amelie, and she it. 

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I did, and dad did too. He called up and explained that whilst he was still coming to terms with it, he loves me and wants to change for me."

She sidled closer. "I sorted out other thoughts too. You make me able to be myself in a way nobody ever had before. It was scary whilst I was doubting myself, because being around you is a permanent, inescapable reminder that I'm gay, that I can be attracted to a girl, one girl, so much. But it also means that you are a constant reminder of who I am, a mirror into myself."

_That sounded like an emo song lyric. Maybe I should make a note of it in her journal?_

"I don't want to lose you, so can we pick up from where we were?"

"You saying you want to be my girlfriend again?"

She hit Amelie softly, before kissing the shoulder she had jabbed better. "Obviously. And where better to celebrate that than the most romantic of all places. Come to the boat party as my date?"

She smiled and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "You betcha."

Everything seemed better now. The world was a kind place, at least Hartfeld, where she didn't have to hide her sexuality was. She enjoyed hanging out with her reaffirmed girlfriend that afternoon, just drinking coffee, eating chips, and finding out about Vasquez and the inspiring speech he had given (I can't believe he ran away in the snow!), about making up with Chris (who, to be fair, she had gone behind the back of, though Kait understood why. It hadn't been what had won him the campaign in the end, and she had a long talk apologising to him that morning before doing her rounds and moving onto Kaitlyn), and how she was catching up with James before the party to make amends. To be fair, James Kaitlyn thought was being unreasonable. It hadn't been Amelie's secret to spill, so if he had to be upset, it should have been with Vasquez, as she made loudly known. She finished her writing and read some Yuri manga (a guilty pleasure) whilst the others filtered back in, and everyone was a team again. 

They dressed up, as usual, for the party. Kaitlyn in a fuschia dress, Amelie in a lacy gold and cream dress that drove Kaitlyn wild. Luckily she had a plan. The boat the party was on had some suites inside, and asking her mum (guilty about her dad's behaviour, though involving him directly at this stage would probably weird him out - it would be pretty obvious what her intentions were!) for help she had managed to get information about how to access them- Grace knew the valet on this luxurious "boatel" as it was called informally, and had cashed in a favour to leave a certain window unlocked. They couldn't be booked on a party night, but they would be free and she knew how to get in. She felt a little sheepish thinking it, but she was set on having make up sex tonight. She hadn't realised until then how horny weeks with no Amelie had made her. 

Tempering that with something a little less salacious, she was also determined to use the L word tonight. She was sure of her feelings now, more sure for the time they had spent apart and the depth in which she had thought about herself and what Amelie was to her. She loved her.

The party was fun. Mocktails, drinking games, catching up with other friends (including a hilarious Madison and Logan who finally got together), all dampened a little when they all registered that Vasquez's frailty put Amelie into a tenuous position. If he died, sad as that was in itself, would she still get her scholarship? 

Well, Amelie would surely fight for her place, and lots of others, themselves included, would fight for her. Kaitlyn certainly would. That was her decision, to fight for Amelie now. 

She stared at her love, amazed once more that she had been chosen by someone so beautiful and so wonderful. "I just can't get my head around it, that I'm here with the most gorgeous girl at the party. Possibly the planet." A smirk. "I was thinking the same thing about you."

There was a lot of dancing that night, but Kait ended it as she knew she would, swaying her hips in time to the music as she leant into Amelie, relaxing in her presence, reacquainting herself with her guiding touch and her delicate perfume. Once they had held each other in rhythmically shimmering embrace, statues built on a foundation of soft ballads, for slow song after slow song, she had worked up the courage to act. Everything was as it had been before that fateful day had spiked through Kaitlyn's sense of gravity, of proprioception in the confusing world. No, better. Tested, she felt far more sure now. Praying that her lover would say yes, ignore the inappropriateness and risk when so many were around them, she slyly suggested slipping into the unlocked window, heart pounding and blood rushing to her loins when the other girl nodded her agreement. 

The suite was very plush, immaculately decorated with a mattredd that was perfectly between soft and firm - it put their accommodation beds to shame, and reminded Kait that once they lived somewhere else in the next couple of years, and she really hoped that was her living with the girl she was looking at now, she should invest in a mattress like this one. 

_Always worth it as a purchase in the long run. It must be amazing to sleep on! I guess we could road test it for its other main purpose..._

Amelie obviously had an idea of what was up, as she ensured the door was locked before joining her on the welcoming pallet. Her eyes widened as she sat down though, exclaiming at how she could sleep forever on a bed like this. Biting her lip, Kait teased her. "Save the sleeping for later! We have more important things to do now." 

Her cheeks tinged pink, as she sassed back, "Gee, I can't think what you could be talking about there." Kaitlyn caressed her with a touch as soft as if she were made of fine lace, her most precious thing in the whole world. "I can think of a few things to keep us up all night."

Amelie blushed while parting her lips, a rare moment of such profound bashful desire that it set Kaitlyn's heart on fire, even if she had secretly been referring to things other than the sex Amelie was clear picturing now. Hell, composed as she seemed, if she was anything like Kait right now she must be feeling a hot pining between her legs. Just the thought of Amelie craving her like she was craving Amelie started to make Kaitlyn wet. She pressed herself against her, trailing kisses from lips to collar, straining against her, with her. She drifted lower, no, moved slowly, meandering but with purpose, dancing her lips over Amelie's stomach as the other pleaded with her not to stop. Face as warm as if it had been a sweltered summer day, from the heat inside her and the warmth of Amelie's skin, she stepped back and, making sure her lover watched closely, inviting her to watch with her own eyes, she let down her hair and unzipped her dress. She thrilled as Amelie's face focussed in desire and amazement, feeling as good about herself as she ever had, following the other girl's eyes as they flicked from her face, to her naked breasts (this strapless dress worked best bra-less), then down her body to her legs, lingering at their crux before jumping back up to her face with an air of awe.

_I guess I'm sexy then._

"Feeling less sleepy now?"

"Hmm I'm still pretty sleepy, you'll have to work harder than that!"

Consumed by desire that had been stoked secretly in her core over the last few weeks, she stripped Amelie, gasping herself and staring as she was reminded of the mix of pure elegant beauty and raw sexual appeal of her girlfriend. Breasts she had missed in the centre of her being, neatly trimmed hairs that seemed so much more refined that Kaitlyn's wax, widening shape at her hips, with the swell of her firm, perfect bum just visible from this angle. And the enticing, unique, yearned for scent that was Amelie aroused. Her panties were damp, and Kaitlyn received a full noseful of her lust as she peeled them part the way down with her teeth, pulling back to leave some for later.

"Please, keep going." Usually husky anyway, Amelie's voice was pure smoke, her usual whiskey tones made raw with lust.

"Oh, I will..." She fondled the returning friend, the titillating comfort of Amelie's breast as she nuzzled her neck, taking in that scent of Amelie too. She teased once more. "Still sleepy." Pinching both nipples as she did, drawing an animal moan. "Ok, I'm definitely awake now." Already hot and bothered, she somehow blushed more. "Unless I'm having another sex dream about you." "Another?" "Yeah, had a couple in the last few weeks..."

Later she'd make Amelie describe each one in full, then re-enact her fantasies in exquisite detail. Not now. She snaked down to finish removing Amelie's underwear and drink from her well, to delight in the pleasure she had lacked recently, the pleasure of feeling Amelie climax against her and knowing that she had captured the heart, and pussy, of this beautiful woman. 

Amelie delayed that bliss by offering another: rolling Kaitlyn over and peppering her with inflaming kisses. "I just thought that tonight I should see to you first."

_Well, I'm not going to argue with that._

 

The steady rain of hot lips down her skin set every erogenous zone tingling, the build up to a storm of passion that both were drawing out but desperate for. Beats signalling the prelude to a symphony played on two instruments. 

She couldn't help but moan and tremble with anticipation as Amelie swept her tongue across her pelvis, at the same time as she tantalisingly shimmied her panties down, rolling towards her most sensitive spot. Amelie must have been able to smell her need now, as intensely as Kaitlyn had smelt Amelie's moments before, for Kaitlyn knew that she was drenched and throbbing below.

 

"Shh. Close your eyes, baby." 

She did and let the waves of pleasure overwhelm her as Amelie parted her legs and coated every inch of her vulva, and for good measure the inside of her thighs, with balmy saliva, before opening her up with her fingers and playing her swiftly with tongue and hands to a violent, rapid orgasm. 

She didn't let up, keeping a soft steady rhythm with one finger going until she took Kaitlyn's hand, relying on her guidance with eyes obediently slammed shut, and ordered her to keep strumming at that rate. Kaitlyn continued as she was told, staying on edge of a second impending climax, whilst Amelie disappeared from her perception for a while, before she felt soft cloth over her eyes. She opened them, and was not surprised to find only darkness. 

_A blindfold!_

"I'm going to gag you now, sweetie, just for a little bit, but if you hate it, you can take it out."

Before she could answer, Amelie had pushed damp cloth in her mouth, and a rich smell of femininity, she couldn't discern whose arousal but one or both of theirs, filled her nostrils.

Gagged with her own and her lover's own underwear, Kaitlyn submitted to the sensation of being pampered and played with, touching herself as commanded whilst Amelie ate her out and touched her in dozens of places unearned, coming again in muffled delight with what felt like a forest of fingers plunging in and out of her vagina. 

Then it was time, before they were overly missed at the party, to give back, to fulfill that other urge she had. Remarkably quickly, lapping at her flooded pussy and even her bottom, repaying the light bondage by leaving her helpless, wrists bound with towels from the bathroom, she ate and drank and stroked Amelie into ecstatic, orgasmic oblivion. 

The room now stank, but that was, though it gave Kait a twinge of guilt, someone else's problem, and surely not a big one. They lay there, completely naked, enjoying their mutual warmth, Kaitlyn feeling utterly contented.

"Is there a mile high but for boats?" "I don't know. The League Afloat Club?" "Hmmm, doesn't quite have the same ring to it." She sighed. She hadn't known until she'd fulfilled it just how much her body and soul had been craving that. The sex, yes, but the contact and intimacy with Amelie moreso. "That was amazing." "Yeah. It was. I think we both needed to let off a little steam." 

She grinned at the opportunity for a bad pun. "Well, I'd say things got pretty steamy!" They both chuckled at that, classic Kaitlyn coming back out after so long pondering and introspecting.

It was time to get serious again though. She knew what she wanted to say, but feared it. The rewards could be fantastic, but the risk of losing everything was there as well.

"When I think back to the day we first met, I can't... I couldn't have ever imagined that we'd end up here." 

She knew what Amelie would say now, and her girlfriend didn't disappoint. "What? Canoodling on a boat?"

She smiled. This was then being themselves, comfortable and unmasked. Naked figuratively as well, as Kaitlyn was constantly aware with Amelie's perfect breast pushing up on her shoulder, as literally. "Well, yeah. But I once thought I'd never be able to act on my feelings. But in less than a year I've beome comfortable with myself, I've finally come out to my family... and I've ended up with the best girlfriend ever."

 

Amelie looked her right in the eye, rolling Kait's hair through her fingers as she replied, "I'm just glad you're happy. You mean the world to me, Kaitlyn." 

_Ok. Now is the time._

"I've promised myself that I'm not going to hold back from fear any more. I'm going to listen to my heart."

Deep breaths. 

"And what's it telling you right now?"

Amelie's voice was as quiet as a gentle breeze over a lake, hope and patience subtly carried on it like specks of brightness that she didn't dare let take over just yet. 

"That this is the only place in the world I want to be," Kaitlyn replied. 

 

That bit of honesty wasn't too hard. The next was much scarier, but she had to say it. 

"Amelie, I love you."

Time froze, just as it had seemed to when she first revealed her feeling on that dancefloor.

Petrified but optimistic, she looked at Amelie's eyes, the brown of gooey, comfortable molten chocolate, of dependable earth, specked with gold, like she was. They were awash with emotion.

Her voice choked as she answered, tears of joy leaking down her porcelain cheeks. "Kaitlyn, I love you too!"

Her heart exploded with happiness. When people talked about visceral, raw emotions they always spoke of anger, despair, grief. But this was visceral, unmatchable joy, her life made permanently better for hearing those words spoken with real sentiment and sincerity. Her girlfriend, no, her love continued, "I was working to the courage to tell you..." 

"Well, as long as someone says it, right?"

In shared happiness, they spoke about how much the other had meant to them in this past few months, Amelie opening her heart up in a way that reverberated through Kaitlyn's soul. Then with a tender kiss they rejoined the party. They enjoyed the rest of their night, just one of several confirmed couples but Kaitlyn knew this was lasting. They made each other's world that much more complete both in their similarities and their differences, like pieces of a jigsaw who have to be non-identical to fit together. After a Zack- inspired midnight swim, they ended up cuddled together in Kaitlyn's bed, sleeping in the security of each other's body, waking and talking several times, just to share little thoughts, and making up for lost time, fucking in the morning. Amelie's pussy had become as familiar to Kaitlyn as her own, and she saw hers as a gift shared with her love. 

Not long after, they had to part for the Easter break, but with no need to keep secrets they kept in open touch through the whole thing, even chatting to each other's parents on the phone, and, rather more discretely, engaged in sexting and phone sex at least a few times per week. There had been some worry for a while when Professor Vasquez died just as term had ended and she didn't know whether Amelie would keep her place at College or not, but thankfully that was resolved, though Amelie remained gutted by the loss of her mentor.

Finally, Kaitlyn felt ready to accept herself, and felt as complete as ever heading back for their last semester. Her exams had gone well, she had studied hard, her family and amazing girlfriend loved her. Now it was time to find a new passion, like Amelie had, inadvertently, found writing. 

And that's when she found her second love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, the second love is music


	22. Sing For The Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> My wife and I finally have our baby, so there's the possibility that I write a lot more whilst on paternity leave, or that I have less chance to write looking after our daughter, so apologies if I focus less on this. However, I am still determined to finish Kaitlyn's story sooner or later!
> 
> Hope you've been enjoying it still.

"Oh my god, Amelie, you're finally here!"

There had been a brief time where Kaitlyn was afraid she'd have to finish the year without the love of her life. Amelie's scholarship sponsor, Professor Enrique Vasquez, had sadly passed away just after their last term had finished. They would be holding the funeral in a couple of days, and they were all attending, Amelie speaking. In the end, after a rocky start, she had been as close to the old grouch as anyone, excelling in his class and her role of aiding with his book, propelled onto a new deeper love of writing, and helping her teacher reconcile with his daughter and get to meet and love his new grandson, and it was a given she'd say something along with his mentee James and his daughter. However, after his sad demise, Amelie's future had been uncertain - her parents were in a financially tricky place at the moment and couldn't afford her fees, and she had relied on her scholarship, presumably defunct with no Vasquez to fund it, to make do, a scholarship she had worked hard to get and keep. Luckily though, Vasquez had accounted for her in his will, as they had discovered only 2 days ago, and she had picked her classes before he had died and she had been in limbo.

Kait had known rationally that Amelie would be back this term (and had intended to keep seeing her even if she couldn't make it) but seeing her face was a lovely reassurance to the overthinking nervous bit of her that viscerally couldn't accept that she could stay this happy, that she could keep this marvellous friend and girlfriend, for as long as she had.

Unwilling to contain herself, now that their relationship was fully committed and in the open, she ran to her girlfriend, who had just come out onto the rooftop of their apartment, and gave her a long, fierce kiss.

Kaitlyn had been back a few hours, and her parents had wanted to meet Amelie again, openly as Kaitlyn's girlfriend now, but had been unable to hang around, and every minute Amelie had been absent had made Kaitlyn worry that something had gone wrong and she wasn't coming any more.

She had spent a lot of the Spring break telling her parents more about Amelie, and was delighted that they were happy for her. To be fair, her girlfriend was pretty spectacular, and as her dad, once he was eventually comfortable enough to joke about it, had said, "One, she's much prettier than any boy! And two, at least she can't get you pregnant by accident!" She hadn't responded to that by telling her parents just how sexual things had gotten: joking or not, her father at least was nowhere near ready for that.

For now she had to share her love with the rest of their friends but they agreed to go on a date to a nearby Haunted Hill. It had actually been recommended by the English exchange student who was dating Hannah from her Anthropology class, Eleanor. It turns out that they were both into ghosts and stuff too (Eleanor had blushed and Hannah laughed her head off when she had phrased it like that, pretty weird, but they were nice enough). Maybe she had to arrange some more double dates with them?

After chatting some more with their friends about The Crown And The Flame and Chris' plans for the student council, and cheering up Zack whilst his boyfriend was in Peru, they finished up their first day back playing Mafia, just happy to have the whole gang back together and stress free. 

The next day, Kaitlyn took Amelie on their first proper date since they'd confessed their love to each other. She was pretty knackered from the walking up steep slopes, not as used to exercise as Amelie, but enjoying the fresh air and her company. She got a kick out of sharing the history of Elizabeth Moore with her girlfriend, the legend of Leona, Elizabeth's muse and gay lover mentioned in her works, and the idea that this might be a supernatural being, which led happily into talks about Sapphism and their own, blossoming relationship. The view from the top was gorgeous, but their attempt to take advantage of the romantic setting was marred by other people visiting the hill with a similar idea.

Nonetheless, they finished their romantic date closer to home, with a hot chocolate and watching an hour of anime together, before passionately indulging in "welcome home sex". 

It looked like Amelie would be very busy this semester, as it transpired that she had to finish Vasquez's book, The Freshman, to keep her scholarship, and her greatest ally in that area, James, was taking the year out in Los Angeles to turn his book into a movie. This was pretty daunting for Amelie, but she was determined to get it done, and Kaitlyn knew she would manage it. As she had reminded her girlfriend, it would also come with the advantage of giving her a writing credit, reputation and experience as well as apparently some of the book's royalties in a very generous measure from Vasquez.

With Amelie looking to be busy, Kait was resolved to find a new hobby of her own to throw herself into. Lucky, Amelie was free to come with her a few evenings to try to work out what that hobby should be.

Kaitlyn had ruled out sport - she enjoyed some games but not well enough to really get into them. So they had tried Madison's Dance club, which was fun but ruined by having Becca in it (though watching her face off Vs Amelie had  
been fun); Tyler's Roleplaying Games group, which she discovered was NOT her thing, too fiddly and hard to join late despite her quite liking the fantasy setting; and finally Abbie's art society. She had quite enjoyed this, her doodles being average at best, but everyone else's art was wonderful to look at, especially one mysterious girl who had painted a vibrant scene that reminded her of a punk album she adored. When she'd wanted to go up and talk to the girl, Amelie had joked about losing her to a 'tortured artist', but her voice had been empty of jealousy. Despite the girl in question, apparently called Natasha, being quite attractive in a handsome way, Amelie had nothing to worry about regarding Kait's affection and she seemed to know that, trusting her.

She introduced herself and said she enjoyed the painting, which led them into a conversation about punk. It was great to be able to talk about one of her other loves: Amelie liked music but wasn't hugely into the alternative scene, and Kait had assumed given her sophisticated image (plus the easy listening music that Kaitlyn teased her for listening to) that it wasn't gonna be her kind of thing. To cut a long story short, after chatting a bit, Natasha invited them, well, mostly her, to her (punk) band's gig at a coffee shop.

_Well, it would be nice to hear some live music._

A few hours later they were all there, the whole house, waiting for the gig to start and catching up. Amelie had beaten Becca in a dance off at their day at the dance group, and as a prize had been able to force her to write a message expressing her adoration for her on social media, which made up a lot of the conversation. The other mainstay, cheering up a pining Zack, was the muscular new barista (who Kaitlyn could see was probably hot if you were into that kind of thing, but as she wasn't, and apparently Amelie was pretty happy looking at girls only now, they got to share a moment of lesbian solidarity over him 'not being their type'), who came to their rescue rather over-vigourously when Sebastian turned up to gloat about strong-arming his way into being Chris' new Treasurer and aiming to sabotage his agenda as President out of spite.

When Amelie turned, with her quick wit, Sebastian's threats back at him, he became scarily aggressive, and Kait was worried that her girlfriend was going to be in some trouble before the barista came to tell him off. In a scuffle, Sebastian then tripped him, then responded to Amelie's chiding about that by twisting her arm.

_Dude. Get your hands off my girlfriend or I'll kick you in the balls._

Before she had a chance to say or do that, through, the barista had already punched him in the face and sent him scampering. Amelie spoke to him whilst icing his battered fist, and discovered his name was Zig and he wasn't a student. Kaitlyn felt a twinge of insecurity watching them, as 'Zig' was clearly trying to flirt with Amelie: who wouldn't? But her girlfriend wasn't reciprocating and Kaitlyn trusted her.

Soon afterward the band, named Gutter Kittens, rocked up and looked so cool. Then they started to play, and they were so good. It was all their own stuff, and it was all raw punk, with a blend of aggression and melody. Kaitlyn was delighted to see her love join her in the mosh pit - she admitted that she knew very little of punk or metal or a lot of the genres Kaitlyn liked, but she was interested in getting to know more about anything Kaitlyn liked, and she seemed to be set on fulfilling that promise. After a few sweaty songs of tight dancing, they sat back down, but only for a few seconds, before an unexpected voice called out. Natasha asking her to sing a last (cover) song with the band.

_Me? Sing?_

She expressed her nervousness to her friends. 

"You totally should, Kait, I've heard you sing in the shower and you have an awesome voice. Plus, I find dating a singer so hot."

_Guess that settles it._

Everyone else chipped in too, encouraging her to go for it. So she did, kissing her girlfriend. "I love you." Amelie grinned back. "I know you do. Now stop stalling."

She walked up in slow motion, picking out her friends' faces in the crowd, one over the others, as Natasha whispered the name of the song in her ear, and she couldn't help but smile...

"Hi everyone, I'm, um, Kaitlyn and this is Heart of Ice by Coagurot, and here goes nothing I guess..."

The beat started. She opened her mouth. Sound came out. And suddenly, she felt more alive than she ever had. Well, maybe as alive as during sex with Amelie. She gave her soul, her entire focus into the song, eyes slammed shut, but she was pretty sure she sounded good. She was in tune for sure, and the band played with energy and the crowd seemed to get into it. 

"WOOO! THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND!"

Driven on by the sound of her beloved cutting through the music, she powered through, finishing by running into Amelie's arms, her heart thrashing at 100 miles per hour.

Her friends all congratulated her, and the shining look of admiration and desire in her girlfriend's eyes left her feeling majestic and powerful and sexy. And then, also congratulating her on the performance, the band changed her life forever. "So, like, do you want to join full time?"

_What?_


	23. Love Rollercoaster

It was time.

 

The venue was a cluttered little club/bar, which had a great grunge vibe, covered in posters from bands Kaitlyn recognized and loved from her school years.

 

The soundcheck went well. Her voice was loose and she felt prepared and surprisingly reflexed all things considered. The rest of the band were tight, everything fitting together in an organised chaos, sounding hectic and free but actually beautifully in synch. That was the funny thing about punk, the looser and less regimented the sound, the more together you really had to be. 

 

People had started to turn up, a mix of interested college students in casual clothing and avid rockers in a variety of alternative apparel. A real hodgepodge. A lot more people than their last gigs had apparently seen - their plan seemed to have worked. Sneaking a peak at the audience, Kait could see Amelie and her housemates, plus James of course, slipping in as expected, looking a bit out of their comfort zone, but also Becca, Darren, Edgar, Madison, Tripp… a whole bunch of their friends it seemed had turned up. 

 

As Amelie finished talking to Zig, she rushed out to greet her, just delighted to see her face, knowing someone in the crowd would be rooting for her no matter what. As she received her good luck kiss, to a muttering discontent from Zack, Abbie asked whether she felt excited, or nervous, or happy. "All of the above, to be honest!" She felt like the air in her chest was on fire, alive in every way. Heightened senses and emotions.

 

She invited the gang to meet with the band before the gig started, and almost squealed with joy when they agreed. However, with their approaches clearly being very different, once Kaitlyn introduced her friends to Natasha, Amara and Rachel, there was an awkward silence. Kaitlyn felt her heart sink, unable to think of anything spontaneous to bring the two groups together when, to her relief and a mouthed "thanks", Amelie came to the rescue, genuine interest on her face and asking about the origins of the band. Conversation, led by Amelie's easy talking and open listening, filling Kait with gratitude for her and for the world for giving her to Kaitlyn, flowed a bit more easily then, until Tyler expressed disbelief at Rachel cutting class. The bassist laughed, poking fun at him for being a goody two-shoes. It was the kind of joke she always made, and Kait knew there was no malice in it, but something about it really got to Abbie, who leapt to Tyler's defence. Natasha started to tease as well, Abbie got more and more defensive and then stormed out when Kaitlyn tried to calm things down.

 

_ They were just teasing! _ She shouted in her head. It had been the kind of joke Natasha made all the time, and none of the band ever minded, and Rachel tended to reply in like. Admittedly Kaitlyn had been a touch uncomfortable with the joshing the first time, though Natasha tempered it around her, more teasing than anything else, but she had grown used to it. Why did her friends have to get so sensitive?

 

After that, the tension pushed the two groups apart, and the band dragged Kaitlyn with them to warm up, leaving her upset and confused. She had noticed Amelie, whilst sticking to for their friends, joining her in trying to mediate and keep the peace unlike their other friends who had taken Abbie's side, for which she was grateful once again. It was upsetting enough to think that her two groups of friends couldn't get along without worrying about Amelie hating her band mates as well. 

 

Then there was no time for introspection. They were up. The screeching of Natasha's guitar dragged Kaitlyn from her moroseness, and she took one breath and let the lyrics fly from her bursting lungs.  

 

They were nailing it, and Kaitlyn became more and more confident as she grew organically into each line, each song. Her band mates were working together in harmonious discord, she was singing her soul out, and angry or not her friends, as well as the whole crowd, were clearly getting into it, dancing and moshing breaking out everywhere. She grinned as she saw Amelie throwing her hair around, eyes on her, clearly loving it despite her lack of punk exposure.

 

_ This… feels really good. I feel good. Like I'm wanted, appreciated. Like I belong.  _

 

 She finished the set with a stage dive, carried in the arms of adoring fans, and her heart vaulted through her chest as she heard her girlfriend, inches away from where she landed, shout "Kaitlyn, I love you!". She grinned and gave a messy kiss, her energy filling her with enthusiasm but not much coordination, happy to hear it and happy that Amelie could say that in front of a crowd, that everyone knew this amazing, beautiful lady was hers and loved her, that all the guys in the audience would be jealous of both of them right now, that she could say this and love her and nobody in this town would judge them for it or treat them differently. "I love you too!"

 

After the show, and after Madison invited the whole audience to her sorority house for her birthday, she went to see what her friends had thought, smiling at the sight of Darren and Amara chatting intently. 

 

_ He was so sweet when he took me to the Sorority Ball, and she's so kind and gentle as well as cool, talented warrior. I hope something happens between them. _

 

She later found out that Amelie had helped Amara go after him. Naturally, helping and helping love was second nature to that girl, and the whole punk-prep combo thing wasn't that dissimilar to their own relationship.

 

She chatted happily away to her flatmates, giddy when they told her how great the band had been, and delighted to tell them that the gig was full and would make enough money for Chris' textbook proposal. Everyone seemed happy, except a still salty Abbie ( _ Tyler seems fine, why was she still pissed off? And why at me? She'll get over it.) _ and Zack. He was engrossed in his phone and worried. Possibly rightly as he told the group, anxious, that Brandon had texted saying they needed to talk.

 

Sadly, Kaitlyn had work to try and catch up on, much to the mockery of Rachel and Natasha, and music to practice with the band so left the Zack support act to her girlfriend. It was doubly a shame as she had kind of been looking forward to celebrating her first full successful gig with some ice-cream and then victory sex, but it was what it was. She was relieved to hear that Brandon and Zack weren't breaking up, the former was just homesick and Amelie worked hard to facilitate a perfect video date between the two. After that, Kaitlyn went to the session Natasha had requested with her, which was pretty fun, mostly song writing and Natasha wanting her to try out a new song that had a great beat to it. Kaitlyn picked it up well, and then they spent a while chatting but had to make her excuses and go to catch up with Amelie and the others at Madison's party. She hadn't told Amelie where she'd been, just, and to be fair this was true, that it was band stuff, and Amelie had been keen on spending some time together before the party, as "we haven't had any us time in a while",  but for the sake of honesty and to avoid her finding out later and getting jealous or thinking she was hiding something, she told her that she'd been learning a new song with Natasha, and to her credit the other woman seemed fine with it. Insecurity was not generally one of her girlfriend's faults.

 

Fitting in with their ongoing relationship theme of stars, coincidentally enough, Amelie was wearing a fabulous galaxy dress, looking gorgeous in it.

 

_ Maybe the celebratory sex can happen tonight, then? _

 

First, they celebrated Madison's birthday with sparkling wine (except for Kait, who still hadn't drunk alcohol since her incident) and Never Have I Ever. 

 

That was fun and games until Sebastian turned up, fresh from ruining Chris' textbook plans despite their hard work building up funding with the gig.

 

_ Bastard. It was never about the money for him. It's just a way to get back at Chris. _

 

Well as he was joining the game, and killing the mood, Kaitlyn decided to be petty and give him a bit of his own medicine. "Never have I ever lost an election." That goaded him, unsurprisingly, and he retorted with "Never have I ever been convicted a crime!" Obviously attacking Chris… but to the shock of everyone, Zig drank and put down a finger as well!

 

In fairness, as he explained, it turned out he had been convicted of assault for beating up his sister's abusive boyfriend, and that was a major reason why he hadn't been able to go to college.

 

_ Poor guy. Sounds like he did what lots of people would.  _ "It sucks that you have to bear the brunt of the consequences of that guy's actions, Zig."

 

After that, the game was over, and Zig and Chris went to have a long, and seemingly meaningful conversation. Kait watched with Abbie and Amelie from the sides, expressing her understanding of why Zig acted the way he had, with Amelie agreeing but Abbie, her hackles up for some reason, vehemently disagreed, saying that he was violent and reminding them that he had punched Sebastian without any prior knowledge of him. 

 

_ I'm not sure that's fair _

 

"I think he just acts to protect the people he cares about from what I've seen, Abbie!"

 

She seemed really aggravated about this for some reason. Chris was pretty chilled talking to him and Abbie was already talking about how he was getting in with a bad crowd. Ever the peacemaker, Amelie offered to drop in to make sure they were doing ok and to see what they were talking about.  _ Probably their shared experiences, _ thought Kaitlyn, but instead she decided to lighten the mood with a joke. "Probably planning a bunch of murders!"

 

Suddenly Abbie flipped. Practically snarling, she barked at her. "Cut it out! I'm just trying to look out for my friend! But then  **_you_ ** wouldn't understand that would you?"

 

_ Wow. What's happened to her recently? And why can't she enjoy a harmless joke? Plus what's that meant to mean?! _

 

 She stormed off, leaving Kait hurt and confused. "Amelie, what was that about?"

It turned out she was still upset about the jokes her band had made the other night.  _ Still _ ? Kaitlyn began to feel herself getting annoyed.  _ Get over yourself, it was just teasing _ . Amelie accepted that it had just been a joke, but told Kaitlyn that it had still bugged Abbie and asked her to try to talk to her, begging her with her eyes.  _ Fine. I can't say no to that face.  _

"Thanks. I don't want the group to get split apart when it's already feeling so… separated. To be honest, I feel like even I haven't seen a lot of you lately."

That wasn't spoken as a rebuke, no passive aggressiveness in her tone, just a hint of sadness and a tinge of wistfulness in her voice, eyes wide and appealing like a little cub. Nevertheless, Kaitlyn couldn't help but start to feel guilty. "Sorry I haven't had much time for us lately, I'm been so busy with the band…" "I know. It's ok, but I've really been missing you. I'm so glad you've found this and are getting so much out of it but I wish you had a little more time for us." No pushing, no making her the bad guy or trying to invade her space, just an honest opening up of feelings. Amelie was trying hard, she knew, not to pressurise her, but she knew that she owed the other girl some of her time too.

A gentle knife in her ribs. Kind but genuine hurt in there.  _ I can make time, somehow. I've got to balance her with the band, especially after all that happened last term.  _

 

She promised that they would have some time together soon.  _ After all, once we've nailed the current stuff, surely we'll have to practice less? _

 

 She kissed her and went to find Abbie to talk to her. In the end she never found her, she'd probably left the party, and she got another message asking her to go to a band meeting to discuss their follow up plans.  _ Sigh. I guess there goes my plans of getting Amelie out of that galaxy dress. _

Frustrated, she headed there and then got home late, clambering into bed alone, not wanting to wake Amelie up. It was Saturday now, and yet again, after calling home and catching up with her parents, the slave driver that was Natasha had a morning of rehearsal planned. Still, it was fun, so it didn't hurt to be doing something she loved so much. It did go on longer than planned but she was sure Amelie would understand.

 

She was meant to spend some time with her girlfriend that afternoon and evening, as she was babysitting for Gabriela Vasquez, the late professor's daughter, and asked for an extra pair of hands to help. She got there a bit late due to band overrunning, and was let in to  see Amelie with her hands full of adorable baby Rico, who was cute but screaming.

 

Together they got him settled though, after an experienced Amelie showed Kait how to feed him, and Kaitlyn felt a warm glow as she held and rocked and sang the baby to sleep. She'd never thought of having kids before, though she knew her dad was desperate for a grandchild, but the idea that in the far future she and Amelie could be rocking a child of their own was suddenly, if transiently appealing.

 

_ That's a long way off. But it's something to think about as a possibility which I'd never considered before. I wonder if Amelie wants kids?  _ Probably, she was a naturally caring person beneath her chic. She'd never have said "motherly" about Amelie before but now she could see how that word could apply.

 

They then took him to the park, where Amelie ended up talking to and helping a lovestruck Darren ("He's into Amara and she's into him. I'm going to help make this happen, Kaitlyn". She hoped she was right, they were cute together). She went and worked her magic, but seemed pretty distracted and far from her usual sunny self when she came back. Once it started to get dark and they had headed home to put Rico to bed, she even made a joke to Amelie about sharing a shower but it fell completely flat. When she asked about what was going on, Amelie was blunt with her- talking to Darren about his girl problems had made her mindful of the issues in their relationship, namely that she was trying to be supportive but was finding that whilst she was revolving her life around Kaitlyn's, she felt low on Kaitlyn's own priority list.  "I want you to grow and be happy, but I need to think about my own happiness too."

 

I hadn't realized she was feeling so neglected. "I… get that. I guess I'm still trying to sort out balancing everything out." "And I get that too but it's been weeks since you joined the Gutter Kittens and nothing is getting better. If our relationship is going to work then I need both of us to be invested, I can't do it all alone."

 

The disappointment in her girlfriend's face started to make her feel really bad.  _ I'm not sure this is entirely fair _ . "Amelie, I'm really trying. I see you as soon as I'm able to!" 

 

"Yeah, when you aren't standing me up to hang with Natasha!" Amelie was clearly beginning to get irate now, maybe she hadn't been as cool with her spending so much time with Natasha as she had seemed. That pissed Kaitlyn off. "It's not like that! I'm allowed to spend time with  **friends** too sometimes!"  _ You can't tell me who I can see! _

 

Amelie was properly cross now though, clearly had been stewing for a while. "If it's just friends then why did you lie to me and say that you couldn't spend time with me because you had band practice the other night?"

 

Their voices were raised now. "Because Natasha is in my band?!" She calmed herself a bit and tried to see things from her girlfriend's perspective. They weren't seeing a lot of each other, and hadn't at the end of last term either for… difficult reasons. Natasha was pretty flirty, had been from the very start even in front of Amelie, and it had been time with her alone. Maybe being concerned was understandable, but Amelie should be trusting her, right? But then, she had misled Amelie by what she hadn't said and had implied, and it hadn't really been a band practice, even if it had been musical, mostly. Though a lot of it had also been hanging out and talking. "Sometimes the lines just get...blurred between band stuff and hanging with her." Ok, she definitely had phrased it to hide the fact that it had just been her and Natasha, hadn't she? Why had she done that? "Look, I admit that I lied, a bit. But only because I felt guilty about standing you up, not because there's anything going on between me and Natasha, ok?"

 

_ Argh. I'm fucking this up, aren't I? I should have just told her beforehand.  _

 

"So clearly our relationship  **is** having problems." She didn't look Amelie in the eye, suddenly worried, especially after the ups and downs of last semester. "What do we do?"

 

She was worried now.  _ Are we gonna break up? I really don't want to, I love her, but if she struggling this much... _

 

Amelie touched her lightly on the cheek and lifted her gaze to meet hers. "Kaitlyn, I want to help us work past this. We hit a speed bump or two, sure, but as long as we try and we care about each other, we can get through it."

 

She let out a sigh of relief. 

 

"But I need to know you're willing to put in the effort." She was clearly really affected by their lack of time together, by the lack of time she was making for her. Kait answered, meekly, sincerely, "I didn't realize how hard you were taking this. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I'll do whatever it takes. I'll…" she swallowed, hoping it wouldn't come to this, giving up one thing she loved for another. "I'll even quit the band, if you think it'll help." Her girlfriend's face became forlorn but stern. "Kaitlyn, I'd never ask that of you. Never." She sighed again, and they talked some more, Kaitlyn promising to do better. "I love you, Amelie." At last a smile. "And I love you too." She pecked her on the lips. "Amelie, we're gonna get through this." She was glad they'd had this talk now rather than down the line when it might have been too late.  _ I don't want her to ever feel like she can't come to me with this kind of stuff _ . It had been like the inverse of last semester. Then, she she needed space, but now Amelie needed the opposite, and she had to remember that her girlfriend had a huge capacity to give affection and give time to people, but the flip side was that she needed attention and affection back. 

 

They agreed to at least weekly dates, kissed and made up in time for Gabriela to come back to take back control of her (now slumbering) kid. Reconciled and feeling closer than they had since Kaitlyn had started singing, they strolled through the quad, laughing about their day and promising to be there for each other, interrupted by an important phone call from James to tell Amelie that he was accepting the Hollywood offer to make his play into a film and was heading to LA next week! As Amelie told her the news, Kaitlyn squealed, happy for their friend, for whom she had always held a soft spot since casting her in the same play. They hugged, and Kait sent James a congratulatory text, before heading to bed for a long overdue make out session that despite their tiredness became long overdue sex. Amelie's lack of attention had made her a bit needy, and very horny once the foreplay started, the pent up emotions they had now expressed to each other coming out in a roaring orgasm as Kaitlyn licked her girlfriend out and then lay back, stunned into silence and then loud, uncontrolled noise, as Amelie possessively ploughed into her with their strap-on, as if staking a claim on her body that Natasha or music never could. Kaitlyn hadn't seen her so territorial, but she couldn't complain. The sex was phenomenal, and the time away from Amelie had made Kaitlyn hungry for her touch. 

 

As promised, they had their date night that week, dinner and a session listening to each other's favourite tracks as Amelie desperately and adorably tried to learn more about punk. She seemed genuinely interested, and said she really enjoyed what Kait had shown her, reciprocating with some folky stuff that Kaitlyn had never heard but rather liked. Later in the week, Amelie helped James sort his stuff out to leave, and Kaitlyn lent him her room for the night whilst he waited for his flight the next day.  _ Gives me an excuse to sleep alongside Amelie, anyway.  _

 

They were on better terms this week, close enough to back to normal that she could joke about having a slumber party, though Kaitlyn quickly changed tack to checking in on how Amelie was coping with James going away, knowing he was an important friend to her. She admitted to being worried about the Hollywood industry chewing up someone as nice as James, though Kaitlyn tried to reassure her.

Her girlfriend still ended up crying, so she helped by hugging and rubbing her back until all the tears came out. Then, leaving Kaitlyn saying a silent prayer, when she asked what she could do to help, a sheepish Amelie asked for comfort, clarifying when Kaitlyn offered a massage that she could do with something a bit more physical. Kait wasn't going to complain about getting a chance to make her feel better and worship her perfect body all at once. As she started rubbing her back before they started, she had to share something on her mind. "This is going to sound weird but I would like to write a song about having sex with you." "I'd rather you just had sex with me", Amelie quipped back, but Kaitlyn was being serious. Amelie was like a muse for her, and Kait had written countless sentences trying to capture how spending time with her, looking at her made her feel, about her love for her. But actually sleeping with her, both in experiencing her wonderful body, scent, smell, cute moans and desperate looks, and the glory of Amelie pleasing her in return, focusing pleasure on every site as though it were a superpower, those were things that made Kaitlyn's soul feel alive and she experienced like a form of living poetry. That was a part of their love and she wanted to capture it as well.

 

Joking about inspiring her, Amelie made love to her with her mouth, floating kisses gently across her entire torso as Kaitlyn fondled her back, ending once more with Kaitlyn creating sweet music between Amelie's legs, showing off the dexterity of her tongue as Amelie sang vocals.  _ I hope James is asleep or he's getting one hell of a free sound show! _ Amelie eagerly paid her back, giving her the most amazing head of their relationship yet, both wanting to make up for lost time re-exploring the other's body. As they readied for round 2, Amelie stopped to touch her lightly. "Thanks Kait, I really needed this tonight."  _ Me too, Amelie, me too. _


	25. Tragedy

It was great to be spending a little more time with Amelie, but rather than cool down, the intensity of work with the band just got worse. The gig fuelled them all, including herself, to dream of and strive for bigger things, and frankly she enjoyed throwing herself into it, enjoying hanging with such cool people and playing and listening to and talking about music. What could school offer compare to this?

 

Because that was the thing that gave, school. Practices and other get togethers started being later and later, partly so that Kaitlyn and Amara could spend occasional evenings on dates, but mostly because 'why not?' It suited Natasha better and whether she said it out loud or not she called the shots and mercilessly mocked anyone who suggested another approach might be ok.

 

Kaitlyn had tried at first, to say that she needed to go, to sleep for class, and to refuse to skip class in the day to play, but the peer pressure and the insinuations from Rachel and Natasha that she was being lame, or being selfish putting herself ahead of the band, they got to her. And then she found that she didn't mind skipping class. She stopped going altogether, sleeping through the day and taking pride in living up to their songs. Being punk. Rejecting the rules. If it came down to it, her grades were good, she'd recover. And it felt so cool to be a rebel. Felt so good to be praised by Natasha for being bad. What did class have to offer compared to this, this sensation of creation, this passion as they made music? Especially when abiding by what was expected was seen as a mark of shame? 

 

She began to get addicted to the thrill, and thought absolutely nothing of what it might mean until one day Abbie texted to ask why she wasn't in statistics.  _ Because statistics is for overly virtuous geeks, Abbie.  _ But she couldn't say that, Abbie was her friend, even if her priorities confused her, and even if the tone of her message pissed her off.  _ Live a little.  _

 

She admitted that she was in bed, sleeping as they'd been practising late. "And has that been the case every night? You've not been to class for 2 weeks!" She didn't answer that. Partly because she felt a twinge of shame at answering it, when Abbie knew the answer, and a twinge of fear that her outrage quickly burnt over.  _ Fuck off. Nobody is gonna to tell me how I should live my life. I've found freedom, in more ways than one! _

 

Natasha always spoke of freedom, philosophical freedom. Amelie had, when philosophy came up, too, but had had a more academic view. Interesting, measured, but if didn't speak to her like Natasha's dream of no laws, no consequences, the infinite power of human choice and how we had to learn not to fear it."Nietzsche and Sartre", she had exclaimed coolly. It was like she epitomised punk. And she was so frosty to people that it made you desperate to get her to compliment you. To be as cool as she was.

 

Not like Abbie, whose nagging was somehow much more annoying. She'd tried talking to her, of course, but she got so hung up on that little joke Rachel had made and wouldn't let her explain why it hadn't been made maliciously, and then she'd start yammering away about how she was worried Kaitlyn wasn't in class. Not everyone cared about lectures that much! And Kait knew what was best for her, something fun and fulfilling, something that helped her find herself after the recent struggles she had had with that. The other girl's inability to move past that point was getting really frustrating, and their attempts to talk this through were going round in circles.

 

Besides their next concert, a big one they had sold out the local venue for, was tomorrow. After that she could catch up on whatever she had missed from class, but it had to be her sole focus until then. It had to go well, or everything had been pointless and the calling she thought she had found would all feel like a lie. After recuperating, she joined the band for practice again and they were sounding phenomenal. Every song came without thinking, like breathing, letting them fill it with nuance and passion without having to worry about the basics of the song.

 

They were going to crush this.

 

Part way through, it was time for a break, and Rachel needed caffeine so Kait headed with her to the coffee shop. And ran into her girlfriend, looking cheerful as usual.

 

The girls had been teasing her a lot for spending so much time with Amelie (well, mostly Natasha, but Rachel joined in), calling her whipped and a taken woman. Once Natasha had even asked why she was dating someone as square as Amelie, and though it had upset her inside, she'd tried to brush it off. She didn't really care what they thought of her girlfriend, she loved Amelie, and knew she was cool beneath her surface - she just had other passions and a more earnest approach to them. But being mocked made her feel anxious and she didn't want to risk any more than the least she could get away with. 

 

She made sure Rachel wasn't watching and gave Amelie a kiss. She thought she saw a little hurt in her face, and understood why to be honest, but to her relief Amelie kissed back, clearly more pleased to see her than annoyed that she was hiding their affection from Rach. They caught up, Kait reminded that their date this week aside they hadn't seen each other the whole week, which kind of stretched the plans they'd made a few weeks ago while baby-sitting. Amelie did hint at that, but seemed excited to hear their set list and smiled so purely when Kaitlyn told her how much she was going to enjoy their newest song that she couldn't muster up any worry. Anyway, after this she could spend as long with her girlfriend as they both needed. "Will we see you back at the apartment tonight?"  _ I think so, surely? _ She said that she should be, after rehearsing, and Amelie smiled again. Rachel was waiting now, impatiently… and it made her feel self-conscious again. "We'd love to see more of it, it feels like you've not been around the house much."  _ Yeah. And I've missed you _ . "I know. Look, I better go, but see you later?" Why did she feel like was letting her down again?

 

Finally, after hours more fine-tuning and planning the staging, she came back home, with the final run through and finishing touches still to come, looking forward to seeing Amelie briefly, washing and getting the final straight done.  She saw her sitting there as she entered, and grinned. And then was railroaded by Abbie. 

 

"We need to talk".

 

_ Again? I can't do this right now, what's even the point this close to the end? _

 

She said she was too busy, that she had to shower and go, which obviously send a stab of annoyance through Amelie.  _ What's up with her? _

"Can't this wait?" Abbie scowled "No it really can't."

Whilst she was still involved in this attempt to make her feel bad about supporting her band, Amelie was obviously a bit softer and more reasonable. "Please, Kaitlyn. We're really worried about you." That made her pause a moment. She sounded worried, and Amelie wouldn't lie about something like that. "Abbie says you haven't been to statistics for a week."

_ Of course she dragged Amelie into this, playing on her worries and her academic nature. It's not that big a deal!  _ "It's a 9am class and the lecturer doesn't take attendance. Half the people skip." 

 

Abbie exploded now. "But you didn't use to be one of them!" That was it. I've had enough of this being browbeaten. She snapped back. "I've been tired!" "You wouldn't if you hadn't been out so late with your band!" This was escalating, and poor Amelie was just standing there in distraught shock. And Abbie had no right to lecture her. "Who do you think you are? My mother? Don't tell me what to do!"

 

Then Abbie started to snark about how she never realised worried about a friend was a bad thing.  _ What _ ? "I never…"

 

Suddenly Amelie spoke, firmly to them both. "You both need to calm down. This was supposed to be a talk, not a fight. Cool it!"

 

But Abbie continued snarling, claiming to be too angry to talk.  __ . Kaitlyn could feel the flight or fight adrenaline burst making her heart threaten to tear itself through her chest, could hear the hot blood pounding in her ears. Stress all across her body, the sensation making her nauseous.  _ I'm not taking any more of this shit _ . "Fine, can I take a shower now?" After some more verbal parrying between them, she barged past, furious at Abbie's temerity. When she had finished, Amelie was in her room, door open as an implicit invitation to talk.  _ I really am too busy though, and too cross. I don't want this argument with Abbie to escalate to me shouting at my worried girlfriend because I'm starting from a point of anger. Better to leave it _ . She stormed off to rejoin the band. 

 

The night of powering through and perfecting the set was a welcome distraction to be honest. She knew Amelie was busy the next day writing and running over her work with James, so felt less bad about not spending any of the day with her. Besides, she'd see her at and after the concert, and then she  **promised** herself she'd dedicate some time to them alone. 

 

The next day sped by and Kaitlyn's mood had improved. This was everything they'd worked towards. It was almost time for the gig itself and she was chilling with Amara, Rachel and Natasha when her friends walked in. Led by Amelie, who looked  **phenomenal** .

 

She'd obviously gone all out to to embrace Kaitlyn's punk drive, because she was standing there oozing sex appeal, looking like something out of the Grease ending, only without the depressing implication about being a slut to please your man. Sleeveless leather jacket over a tight, short dress with a slightly gothic raven on the front, and then the sight that her mouth run dry, a leather choker. Already stoked up, and looking forward to making up for lost time with her later (preferably in bed), she forgot the band was watching and kissed her passionately. Even Natasha made a comment about the choker being cute, but then as per usual backhanded it with a joke about the pit being too dangerous for her. Kaitlyn felt her hackles rise just a little but Amelie brushed it off, seemingly sincerely thanking her for the advice. "Hey, any friend of Kaitlyn's is a friend of ours, right girls?"

 

Kaitlyn didn't like the condescending edge to Natasha's tone there. She knew that she'd been teasing Kaitlyn subtly about dating someone as "orthodox" as Amelie. As if Amelie were basic. You could be wonderfully weird and alternative in more than one way. But the other girl's self-assuredness, plus Rachel's chuckle, it made her less self-confident, put a needle of unease beneath her skin and put her on edge. She could feel herself blushing. 

 

The rest of the group caught up too. She noted with surprise and an edge of irritation that Abbie had decided to come after all. Chris wasn't here though, which was a bummer. Zack wished her luck, and she smiled. It really did mean a lot to see them all here. They'd worked so hard for this. Shame Chris couldn't turn up, which did make her a bit sad, and her feelings around Abbie being here were confusing. Still, they were here and now she could prove to Abbie that it had all been worth it, that she was wrong, and to Amelie that she was worth loving. She promised to see them all afterward and chased get band mates towards the backstage.

 

Minutes later, the opening act finished, they entered the stage to wild whoops and cheers. Natasha played a filthy power cord. And it started. 

 

What came forth was a beautiful cacophony, dirty bends on the guitar, a bass riff that hit hard and fast like a boxer's workout, and an ever-changing salvo on the drums that you couldn't pin down but knew in your heart was a spiraling pattern. And Kait started to sing. 

 

It was the best, she knew, that she'd ever sung, letting the music use her like an avatar, merely the mouthpiece for their shared emotions and for the ideas behind the punk, then taking enough control to add subtlety and innuendo to it all. This was glorious. The crowd were bustling and the mosh pit alive: she saw Zack there and smiled. It was so organic that the moshing spread outwards from the pit. 

 

Then everything went wrong.

 

 Suddenly there was true chaos, not the controlled facade of it that the music compassed but violence and nastiness. People shoved into each other everywhere. Shouts. Fights.

 

_ What. The. Fuck. Happened?! _

 

As they faltered along, trying to plough through the spilling pandemonium, this infestation, infection of madness, she scanned the crowd desperately to work out what had gone on, getting scared that their dream was over before it had started, sad at losing this moment, sad for her friends and audience at the show being ruined, scared for her friends in the affray, and increasingly angry. Angry that some arsehole had to ruin this for everyone. Then she saw him. Right at the epicentre of the true havoc, not the facsimile of it that people turned moshing into as a way to express their passions but genuine intent to harm. Throwing his fists. Abbie was right. He was dangerous. Zig.

 

Amelie was there cowering on the ground, and her fear and anger was stoked at seeing her in danger. 

 

First she had to stop this. The music had stopped, it was too late to salvage that, but someone was going to get seriously hurt. She shouted, projecting with all the power she had been saving for the end of the set. "Everyone CALM DOWN!" She saw Zig pick Amelie up and drag her away, as if she were helpless, as if she were his to protect. Her girlfriend. Had he started this fight just so he could act the hero and try to look like he was rescuing her? He had been hitting on her when they first met, she remembered that. She'd spoken up for him at that party, but Abbie had been right, which made her even angrier. She locked eyes with Amelie who looked numb. 

 

_ Fuck this.  _

 

Why was he even here, and with Amelie? They were hardly friends? Did Amelie invite him here? Abbie had been in that fight too, she was sure of it. As she headed to the exit, her head was pounding: gig ruined, probably their reputation ruined and certainly no chance of playing here again, less of playing a full song tonight, all that effort ruined! Skipped classes for nothing! Had they instigated this, Abbie and her girlfriend, to prove to her how she should have stayed in class, to make this a waste of time like they'd claimed it was?

 

Amelie had been at the epicentre too, on the ground, but whatever had happened there had set off Zig's rampage. Had she tried to sabotage the show but let it get out of hand?

 

That's ridiculous, Kaitlyn. Said her reason, but she was in no mood to listen to that voice, had been trying to ignore its nagging for a while and now was too enraged to give it a chance. As she left the stage, Natasha whispered that she'd seen Amelie egg Zig on and fall to the floor to start the fight. 

 

_ Why, Amelie?! Just to prove again that you're right, as usual, and I'm a screw up? Why can't they all let me have this.  _

_ That doesn't make sense, you know she'd never do that!  _

 

She ignored the voice again, half-acknowledging that Amelie wouldn't try to hurt her but that she might do this by accident, or to try to teach her a lesson if she thought it would help Kaitlyn in the long run.  _ Deciding what is best for me, like she did with Arjun, like with my parents. _

 

She nodded to Natasha and went to confront her girlfriend and the brute who had killed her chance. 

 

She felt a moment of relief and a spark of affection when she saw Amelie safe outside but that release from fear was quickly filled with the fury that was overflowing from her, fury she had stoked for the show and now had no other outlet 

 

"What was that?!" Her girlfriend looked stunned, her expression as stupid as she'd ever seen on those pretty features. "Is this to get back at me for Abbie? Egging him on to ruin my show?"

 

She knew now, more than just a voice but a conscious part of her, that she was being unfair, but it was beyond her to stop, and she had been tired of holding back, at Abbie, at Natasha and her snarks, at the world. She knew Amelie had done little to deserve it now, and wasn't to blame for the stress the others had made her feel these past few weeks, but she was here, she was safe to vent at, she loved her and Kait needed something to shout at. 

 

 Zig tried to speak. Starting with "I", trying to exonerate himself. "Shut up!" She berated him, explaining how this would ruin their chances with this venue, seething and practically hissing. He backed away, smarter than he looked. And she rounded on Amelie. "Amelie, how could you do this to me?!" She looked shellshocked still. "It was an accident! Zig got caught up in the moment and things went out a little of control!"  _ Little?  _ "It wasn't a little out of control, he started a riot!" 

 

Amelie then tried to stick up for him, claiming he had been trying to protect her ( _ and why did you leave it so you needed protecting _ ?) and, though she could tell from her tone and eyes that she hadn't meant for anything to happen, her defending the man who had destroyed her gig was the last straw. All reason left her. 

 

_ She always plays Devil's Advocate, she takes every side but mine! She's meant to have my back! _

 

"I don't care what he was trying to do, what went down was a disaster." Silence. Then she couldn't hold back, had to let out what had been building up. Amelie had always been jealous of the time she spent with the band, of Natasha, never understood why it mattered to her. Couldn't, as she didn't get the music. Tried to make her go to classes that everyone skipped instead of doing what she loved.  _ Well, I don't need someone who wants to hold me back! _

"You know what, I don't know why I'm even surprised. You've never been interested in supporting me with this band." 

 

The gasp from Amelie's throat cut through the night, from the muffled rumpus inside, sucked the warmth from the air. Suddenly she had an edge in her eyes. A heat. A change of stance, and Kait could see that Amelie was done trying to peacekeep. 

 

"You know what, maybe that's because I'm tired of watching this band tear apart your friendships!"

 

That struck a nerve. "So that's it, huh? I'm the  **bad** friend with the  **mean** new group?!"  _ Natasha is kind of mean, though, _ that insidious voice murmured. She drowned it out with more attack. "Last time I checked  **your** new friend was starting fights and punching people out, so I don't think you have any business criticising me!"

Amelie was fuming now. And weeks of pent up stress were floating to the surface like scum for both of them. "Maybe I wouldn't need new friends if my girlfriend made time for me rather than sucking up to Natasha!"

_ What? What does she think I'm doing? _

"When did you get so jealous?! Can't I have new female friends without you thinking I'm cheating on you?"

That hurt. That Amelie didn't trust her.  _ Was that what everything was about? _ The anger was still there but sadness overtook it. She felt gutted now.  **Betrayed** . 

"I can't do this. I need space. I feel like you're so wrapped up in my life… when I came out… when I made new friends… for once I just want to make some choices without your input."

That's what it came down to for her, that it felt like Amelie had to be in control, didn't trust her to make her own choices.

 

Amelie looked as sad as she felt now. But the word "space" and the call back to last semester stopped her in her tracks. She looked like Kaitlyn had killed her puppy, wet eyes, and stricken. And stopped mid sentence that was beginning, whether to attack or to defend herself, she would never know. "Maybe you're right."  _ What _ ? "Why don't we just take a little time and see how we feel later?" She was trying to let Kait make the decision. Despite her words, Kaitlyn wasn't sure she wanted or was able to do that. "I think that's best now".

 

And she walked off, wondering if she'd lost and friend and a girlfriend, but still too full of adrenaline to dissect what had happened, sad and angry at Amelie, feeling a mess.

 

She went back to help the others clean up their ruined mess of a gig, to beg and plead the club info not blacklisting them, and to listen to Natasha and Rachel bitch about her friends and her girlfriend. And hearing them do that made her feel defensive towards her. Sure, they'd had a fight, and they were having some issues, but they didn't even know her. Hadn't given her a chance.  _ I didn't give her a chance to really defend herself either _ . After complaining that she'd wrecked the gig, and telling Kaitlyn to dump her, as if that were her business, more people telling her what to do, they started to mock her and the rest of her friends.  _ Maybe they are mean _ . Amara's couldn't take it any more. "Guys, I saw it all. Kaitlyn's girlfriend got knocked to the ground, it wasn't her fault and I think you know it. Her friend overreacted but that's not her fault either. And she's a really cool person, she's helped me out. You haven't given her a chance, to even try to get to know her. Quit it." That did make them shut up, and left Kaitlyn grateful, though now a little guilty.  _ I should be the one defending her. And if Amara says she was innocent, she probably was. Why did I get so fixated on it being her fault?  _ They chatted a bit more, cleared up and finished up, then after the other two had left, Natasha started pretty blatantly hitting on her, saying how hot she looked singing, and how she deserved someone who appreciated her better than her girlfriend.  _ Dude. Not cool, again, scenting trouble doesn't mean you can try and reel me in.  _ Maybe Amelie was right: Kaitlyn realised at that moment that there was a difference between trusting her and trusting Natasha with her, and that you could be sure your partner wouldn't cheat but still upset that someone else was going to try and pressure them into doing so. She'd grown properly uncomfortable now. "I have to go."

 

She went straight home, still confused about how to feel. The show failing had left her gutted and upset, but she was more in control now, and was starting to realize she had been a bit of a bitch. 

 

As she entered the flat, luckily Abbie wasn't up. She was still annoyed with her and did want to face her. Amelie, she still wasn't ready to talk to either, needed to make sure she was speaking for herself, not as a kneejerk reaction. But she was still surprised and a bit worried that she wasn't there, room door open.

 

She was more worried when an hour later, late at night now, there was still no sign of her.  _ She was pretty upset, and behind that as angry as I've ever seen her with me… I hope she hasn't done anything stupid.  _

Zack came out for some water, so she asked where Amelie was.

 

"Oh, she couldn't face coming home, said she needed space away from you, and Chris too. She messaged me to say that she's safe but she's not coming back tonight, she's staying somewhere." Kaitlyn checked her phone and there was a blunt text from Amelie. 

 

**_Don't worry about me, I'm alive. Just pissed off and hurt, but I'll give you your space._ **

"Wait. Why can't she face Chris?" 

 

Zack filled her in on the verbal beatdown she had given Chris over the phone when he had bailed on the gig, calling him out and pointing out how he was letting Kaitlyn down. Then he talked about how she had shouted Zig away and had a fight with him after Kaitlyn had snapped at her, defending Kaitlyn despite their argument. "She knew how much it meant to you. And tried to make the others see that. Abbie came because she convinced her to, that you still deserved her support and would be happy enough to make up afterward. She really really wanted it to go well for you and is devastated that it didn't, even without the falling out. She dressed up to try and make a good impression and get to know your new friends. Frankly, I think she's got a right to feel a bit upset. Now I'm off to bed, but remember she loves you and was trying to support you through this all, even when she missed you. We've seen so little of you lately it hardly feels like we are your friends any more, but she's always been the one making excuses for you, even when she's been worried sick about you. You owe her a break."

 

_ Oh no.  _

 

_ I've been a complete dick. _

 

Kaitlyn felt a sinking feeling as she realised in her need to lash out at someone, anyone, she had hurt and pushed away the person who least deserved it, who was most on her side. 

 

_ What have I done? _

 

Over the next few hours of not sleeping, she mused on everything, and realised with increasing horror that she had been very unfair. Not to be angry and upset at what happened, and she was still pissed with Zig, and to a degree Abbie. But Amelie had stuck up for her, been patient whilst she had bailed on dates to practice or just hang with Natasha, whom she didn't like (but still managed to be polite to, despite the lack of effort back). She had supported their band, been to their gigs, brought people to them, made her friends support them. She had been understanding when the band took over, let it happen but let her know that the lack of time together was upsetting her. She had been upset on her behalf at Chris for bailing, and Zig for ruining the concert, had tried to talk to her when she was worried but without pressing her like last term. She had made every effort to get to know and get into Kaitlyn's interests and new passion. 

 

Kaitlyn had really taken her for granted, and that was why she'd gotten angry, and for the first time really tried to fight. That was why she had looked so wounded when Kaitlyn had laid into her.

 

She eventually got to sleep, and woke, bleary-eyed, in the afternoon. Dreading facing up to how much of a jerk she'd been, knowing that she had had a right to be upset but reacted appallingly to it, she dragged herself out of bed.

 

She was ready to apologise, or at least talk things through, like adults, like they had at Gabriela's house. Only to find Amelie's room still empty, and Zack waiting by the door. 

 

"She's gone, Kait. Said she couldn't take it all any more, and she ran out the house talking about the airport."

 

_ Shit. _

  
  



	26. Save Me

She tried to call Amelie almost immediately, suddenly anxious that she really had gone too far, but it went straight to voicemail.  _ Probably past security. Where is she going? _

 

Possibly home? But that was crazy, she wouldn't get there any faster flying. She could call Amelie's parents to find out, and a part of her was desperate to, but she grasped that doing that would just freak them out over probably nothing, over her own guilt.

 

She did call her own parents however, blubbing to her mother over the phone, being candid in how she'd treated her girlfriend but avoiding the bits about skipping class. Mama was understanding but firm. "Kaitlyn, if you like this girl like I think you do, and she loves you and is as great as it seems she is, then you need to apologize. But maybe she needs space first? I love you, and I'll support you, but it sounds like you know you've made a mistake here."

 

Tell me about it. Still, she felt a little better talking to her, even if a tad guilty for omitting the part about her truancy.

 

The only person in the house who seemed keen on talking to her was Zack, Abbie sniffing and slamming the door shut to watch TV with Tyler, and Chris still absent.  _ He missed the gig, though, do I want to talk to him? Is that a bad thing though, given how it ended up? _

 

Zack reckoned that Amelie had gone to visit James, given the flight, and said she should give her time. 

 

She tried. Her mind was a mess, but she went to catch up with the band, and found it a galling experience, feeling uncomfortable around Natasha after last night, and stepping back a bit from it all, she noticed that some of their jokes were almost cruel, to each other and to others. She felt mildly sick when she realized that she had let these people nick her friends, attack her girlfriend verbally at times, and had been so desperate to please them, to be a good band member and to get Natasha's stamp of approval that she'd carried some of that dispassionate, nihilistic attitude home with her, changed who she was around them but also to a degree away from them.  _ Urgh. They really aren't as cool as I thought they were. And Natasha at least really isn't that nice. _ Amara was though and she enjoyed talking to her briefly before her bringing up Amelie and how she had helped her to start seeing Darren made her homesick for her heart's home, her girlfriend and she called her again. This time it rang. Twice, and then was cut off.  _ She saw the call and ignored it _ . That was a dagger in her chest, but a deserved one. 

 

Tired after a day in which she felt constantly furious with herself, and scared that she'd messed this up too, she sloped off to bed early. 

 

Upon waking, she decided to give Amelie the space Zack suggested and to sort out her life that she had been neglecting for weeks. She sorted through her stuff, got ready to clean her room and looked through some mail.

 

_ Uh oh _ . There was an envelope from Friday, from the College itself. And the writing on it was red. 

 

"Urgent"

 

_ Urgent? Why urgent? _ A sense of swelling dread started to build in her bowels. She'd only skipped a few weeks, right? All stuff she could catch up on and then ace the exams…  _ the exams, when were they? _

 

She opened the letter and felt her stomach rise, full of searing bile, and her hope plummet.

 

"Dear Ms Liao, we are sorry to inform you that…"  _ Oh, no. No, no, no! _

 

She read it again as it sank in. She had missed so much more that she thought. She had hidden it from the others, especially after Abbie had been pushing her, and hadn't wanted to worry Amelie, but she'd been skipping every class for a week or two, not just Stats. But she'd been sure she could catch up. However, her absence had not been unnoticed and she'd obviously missed some key deadlines in her obsession to perfect her role in the band 

 

The letter fell from her limp hand, and she stared into the abyss, stunned. She was going to fail. Everything. With no time to bounce back. She was going to get kicked out and everything would be wasted. How fucking stupid, she could have joined another band or worked on this one anytime, but this year at college was one shot. She'd have to tell her parents, with whom she'd just bonded. What would they think?  _ What would Amelie think _ ?

 

Zack was there next to her and obviously saw enough to get the gist, trying to calm her by rubbing her back, but she barely registered it. 

 

As if it were a nightmare and this might wake her up, her body screamed, bypassing her brain which was still cycling around numbly. 

 

Her breathing was heavy, her face hot and red as if she were drunk again, drunk on fear and adrenaline.

 

Momentarily Amelie, her rejected support, her discarded anchor, was there. 

 

The door she had heard earlier must have been her. Amazingly her face showed only one thing. Concern. 

 

Chris was there too, whilst she looked stupid waving her letter around as if that would take away its power. An unhelpful Scion of her mind kicked in out of the greater part's paralysis, mocking her.  _ It's funny, a few weeks ago you thought Amelie would be taken away by cruel fate and you would lose her. Now you are gonna lose her but it's you who is leaving, and it's all your fault and she tried to save you. _

 

"Kait, what is it?" She couldn't answer, just muttering "I can't believe it…", her state one of stupor. Zack tried to answer as Chris and Amelie got more worried, but was interrupted by the others running in. Now everyone was here to witness her humiliation. She started to cry, uncontrolled ugly sobs that had in part been held in for hours, some of her well of buried emotion even weeks. She couldn't stop, and it was embarrassing, but what did that matter, given she had driven them all away with her behaviour and now sabotaged her life?

 

As they read the letter, which told her she had missed all her midterms and was going to fail unless she sat make up exams, which would be due tomorrow latest, she drowned in self-pity. They started trying to reassure her, in a way she knew she didn't deserve, but then the full realisation hit as Amelie finished the letter as saw that it was every class she was failing. "I know, I know! I don't need a lecture. I really messed up." She looked at Abbie, her defiance all gone. Crushed. "Go ahead, tell me you told me so. I know you want to." But the other girl just looked at her sadly, and said "No, I don't." She hugged her and tears started to fall again at the undeserved sympathy. "I was just worried about you." Amelie was there too, stroking her hair. "We all were. That's what we'd been trying to tell you." 

 

"I know. I'm sorry." Tears dried up she gave everyone an apology that was sincere but felt pathetic, finally realising how unfairly she had acted this semester, all to try and fit in with her new friends and out of insecurity. But, with sympathy in their eyes, her piteous attempts were brushed off and her friends, her real friends, started planning how to rescue this situation. She had missed two other email warnings but with the make up exams tomorrow, there was a chance. They convinced her to try, whilst she sniffled that she didn't deserve it. "Lecture later, fix things now," said Zack. Kaitlyn's girlfriend, she hoped, added, "A few months ago, you helped the people in this room copy a novel by hand overnight to keep me in this college. I'll be damned before I give up on you and don't try to do the same. It's up to us to say whether you deserve another chance, and I for one believe in giving them to my friends."

 

It was decided, even Abbie pitching in to help her with a smile on her face, and as everyone grabbed caffeine and supplies, her heart burning with gratitude, Kaitlyn took Amelie aside, nervous.  _ Just because she's helping me doesn't mean she's forgiven me as a girlfriend _ .

 

"Amelie before you say anything,I need to get this off my chest. I just want to tell you how sorry I am. " "I know you are, Kaitlyn…" Kait stumbled on with a half-baked simile about how she had felt like she was under a curse, and it coaxed a smile from the other girl. "I'd understand if you totally hate me."

 

"Oh Kaitlyn, I don't hate you. But I'm not exactly happy with you either. You've said and done some pretty hurtful things in the last few weeks." "I know. It was like I couldn't control myself… especially outside the gig, I was just so mad, mostly at myself but I took it out on you." "Yeah you did, and Zig, who you should apologise to at some point." 

 

_ I will _ . She promised she would, and said she hoped Amelie could forgive her later. The other girl hugged her and kissed her cheek. "Grovelling later, and we'll chat properly then. First, we have some exams to pass." 

 

And they got to work. It turned out, her friends between then had a grasp of every subject she was taking, and were solid in how they taught her shortcuts and the first principles to understand things, but with her sharp mind, natural teaching ability and her understanding of how Kaitlyn's mind worked, Amelie was an incredible teacher. Despite needing to break for coffee and rest, they ploughed through at an amazing rate, and their kindness, especially her girlfriend's, moved her to tears again in their break. "I've been so stupid, I just told myself you were jealous of my new friends. I knew you guys wanted to help but I guess I didn't want to be saved." "Shhh, it's ok, Kaitlyn." If she was still angry with her, she wasn't showing it now, focussed entirely on encouraging her and teaching her. "I feel like this is doomed, none of this will do any good."

 

A pause, and then a spark lit up Amelie's face. "Maybe I have something that can help. Come with me, I want to show you something."

 

She led her into her bedroom, a place rich with happy memories together, a place she hadn't been for some time. It did almost feel like a happy spot, when she viewed it like that. After some posing and playing for time, Amelie revealed her secret weapon.

 

A lucky charm bracelet. Made up of a Scrabble tile she had been given by her parents for winning a spelling bee, ice cream scoops to commemorate perfect grade cards, a silver knight for starting at Hartfeld… "She gave it to me when I had my first day here, but bought it a year before, whilst I was still a highschool Junior. She said she knew I'd get in." Kaitlyn smiled, imagining that scene. "She must have a lot of faith in you." Solemn eyes met hers, glowing with affection but calm and measured. "She does. And I have lot of faith in you."

 

A bracelet she had worn for driving tests, exams, dances (obviously she had boys fighting over her in her middle school dance), shows… Amelie revealed her last charm on the bracelet, and Kaitlyn started to cry again, with unworthy happiness and gratitude. It was a heart with a K on it. "This one is for you. You were my first friend here and one of the most important people in my life. And because this bracelet brings me good luck whenever I need it, I'm giving to you, for now, to bring you luck on your exams." Her smile warmed, and her gaze did too, a gaze that reassured Kait that she still loved her. "It'll be like having me in your pocket or on your wrist, I guess. A reminder that I'll be rooting for you, so you won't be taking these tests alone."

 

It was the most meaningful gift she had ever been given, or lent, both physically and in what it implied. She couldn't hold back, this time much more healthily than when she'd been shouting unfair, stinging words at this wonderful girl less than 2 days ago. She kissed her, hard, tears streaming down her face, and was relieved that her girlfriend didn't pull away. "You're the best girlfriend a girl could ever ask for. I don't know how I got so lucky. I'm so sorry about everything," she really was, regretting most of her actions over the last couple of months, "about Natasha, the band, not listening when you were worried about me, getting mad at you over Zig and Abbie…" Gripped by guilt, she started crying again. "I've done so many things and I've been so unfair but you're all still here for me. I feel so loved, Amelie, I don't know if I deserve it."

 

Amelie was as tender with her then as she had ever been, wiping her tears away gently, as she reassured her that she did deserve it, that everyone screws up. "You're still the Kaitlyn I've come to know. Just with cooler hair." 

 

Putting the bracelet on, they kissed again and Amelie massaged as much of the tension out of her as she could. As Kaitlyn loosened up, her girlfriend started to kiss her neck, the intimacy washing away some of her anxiety.  _ Oh God, that's nice. _ Suddenly overcome by a need to touch her, this fantastic woman who loved her through everything, she flipped her around and started to repay the favour, kneading Amelie's own knots of stressed muscle as she danced her lips over her skin. Amelie seemed as starved of this as she felt, moaning and squirming as though they'd been engaged in foreplay for hours, but eventually they had to stop. They hadn't even officially made up yet…

 

Amelie's glance was electricity though. "Don't stop now." Wanting to repay her, whilst selfishly hungry for the feel of her pelvis thrust against her teasing fingers, she started to rub over Amelie's panties, over a spot she knew almost as perfectly as her own love-button, until, before she could make her girlfriend erupt, they were interrupted by reality, the noise of the others returning to work.  _ Sigh. Well, hopefully we'll be able to come back to this later.  _

 

The rest of the night simultaneously managed to be a never-ending torture and over way too fast, leaving Kaitlyn shattered, frightened and still feeling underprepared, but fuelled on by the love she was feeling from her mistreated housemates. Amelie in particular worked wonders, and Kaitlyn noticed through her sleep-deprived, fuzzy mind that she was essentially shepherding her through the whole process, whether lifting her spirits with a charm, distracting her briefly with a joke, thinking outside the box to drive a difficult concept or obscure knowledge into her head, coaxing her not to give up, whatever it took. She was watching a genius at work, someone who knew her exactly perfectly enough to navigate her like a beloved ship through impossibly tight straits and stormy seas. In the end, Kait felt barely human and delirious, but defiant and eager to get it over with.

 

Her friends remaining outside, powerless now, with only the bracelet Amelie had given her for aid, she was called in. Everything came down to this


	27. Survivor

 

She could barely remember the exams, but whether through her dreamlike state or the sheer length of time she had spent learning and basically becoming her revision, her brain had no room for doubt. It ploughed on, never second-guessing, trusting instinct and dragging fragments out in Amelie's voice, the whole process feeling unreal and somehow, despite the rank terror she had felt hours ago and the anxiety she had outside the exam room doors, unfailable. 

 

She came out feeling… good? Like, exhausted but pretty sure it had gone well. She'd known most things and had a good idea about the rest, and for the first time since the gig life felt alright. Of course, in a few weeks she had her actual finals, but frankly at this point she'd done a lot of the work for that, and the subjects were imprinted in her brain.

 

She ran out and peppered Amelie with smooches, before an irate Natasha, whom she hadn't even noticed, laid into her for missing band practice. She quickly apologised, saying she had to take her exams as an emergency, hoping they'd be happy for her, and maybe acknowledge the work she'd put into this band, but Natasha and Rachel sneered, in a way that surprised her even knowing what their priorities were. As Natasha started to berate her, in the same condescending, spiteful tone Kaitlyn realised she used with everyone, Amelie's shoulders tensed, and she knew her girlfriend was about to snap, a sight rarely seen and one to avoid. Looking at her face, she saw tranquil fury, and a loss of patience with Natasha's crap.

 

"Seriously? This is all your fault. You've been taking up literally all of Kaitlyn's time, no wonder she nearly failed her classes."

 

Natasha raised an eyebrow. She would never accept any responsibility for what had happened, Kaitlyn knew, despite knowingly pressuring Kaitlyn, in a manipulative way, into every step of the journey. _ I should have known better, yes, but that doesn't exonerate you, and friends don't let friends fail, claim it's not their role to step in. I know that now. They try to help you even if you don't help yourself. _ "Our fault? Kaitlyn is a big girl…" Abbie stepped in, spoiling for a fight. "Look, you witch…"

 

_ I'm not gonna let my friends do all my fighting for me.  _ She stepped up. "I've got this one, Abbie." She fronted up. "I'm not gonna try to blame you for my mistakes, Natasha. But I'm also done with letting you treat my friends like crap all the time." Because, she realised, that's what Natasha and Rachel following her lead had done. Rachel sounded genuinely upset when she spoke up. "I thought we were your friends?" "That's just it! Why can't I be friends with all of you?"  _ Why do you have to try and undermine all my old ones _ ?"Why couldn't I see it before?" She squared up. "But ever since I've joined this band, you, Natasha, you've done everything in your power to make me as lonely, catty and arrogant as you."

 

Natasha took on a look of affronted outrage, but there was no actual hurt in her eyes. "Me? What have I ever done to…"

 

Amara rolled her eyes and cut her off. "She's right. You have a total holier-than-thou complex and you get off on making people feel like crap." 

 

With Amara on their side, the complexion of things changed. "You know, Natasha," the usually closed mouthed drummer added, "your little games never bothered me because I   this band. But I don't know what happened to you… you used to be so good and passionate, but lately I've been seeing you for what you've become." She delivered her final words with the timing of a percussionist and the ruthlessness of a firing squad. "A headstrong little girl with an incredibly fragile ego."

 

_ Holy cow, I think I might have another hero! _

 

Natasha raged and tried to make jibes about how square her band mate was, but this time Rachel just shrugged, uncomfortable, clearly some part of what everyone had said striking too true for her to keep following Natasha's lead. Amelie finished her off with a smirk. "You have no power here. Be gone, before someone drops a house on you." Kait suspected she knew those were from two different fantasy works, but the message was clear as was the effect. 

 

Natasha stormed off, after kicking Kait out of the band, an uncertain Rachel trailing behind her, but with Amara sticking with Kaitlyn and her friends, clearly taking their side, Kaitlyn felt it was more Natasha who was out now, and frankly just felt relief at this point.  _ Besides, I know I can do it now, I can sing, I can be a punk singer. And I'll do it better than her, and without being twisted into a prat this time either. _

 

Amara actually apologised for everything that had gone down between the Gutter Kittens and Kaitlyn's housemates, and formally announced she was quitting the band too, welcomed with open arms by s forgiving Abbie before she went off to talk to Amelie for a bit.  _ I wonder what they are sharing? _

 

Whatever it was, everyone was happy. Until the peace was broken by a text from Zig to Amelie. Kaitlyn had been out of the loop but apparently Zig had been meant to help Chris deliver his proposal to support a second chance for people with criminal records, like him and Zig, to get into Hartfeld. It sounded like a fine idea to her, and Zig as an example of a young man whose life went astray after an understandable bad decision would make the proposal that much more real, vital.  _ I can't believe he's bailing on them! It's probably partly my fault, for leading to Amelie shouting at him _ . She knew she did honestly owe him an apology, but he had been way out of line in starting that fight as well, and she was still pissed off beneath her shame, and now she was even angrier at how he was going back on his word because his feelings were hurt, hurting Chris and Amelie. 

 

She took the time to catch up with Abbie and Tyler and mend bridges whilst waiting nervously to hear how the proposal went down but was elevated when she called Amelie and discovered that not only had it gone through, but Zig had come through, after she'd gone to talk him into it, and they'd both apologized to each other. And she was holding a celebration party at theirs.

 

"Cool, well, I'm always up for a party, but I called for another reason as well. I don't have a dress for Spring Fling. Meet me downtown and we'll talk party whilst we shop?"

 

She still wasn't sure she'd forgiven Zig for his behaviour, but Amelie had and given the way her friends had forgiven her she figured she owed him a second chance, especially after he had come around and helped Chris. Fighting and shouting at Amelie like he apparently had weren't cool, but she'd done the latter herself too, and she would give him time and see what he was like when she got to know him.

 

She shared her thoughts, and those on how she had let the Gutter Kittens get between them and couldn't believe what she'd nearly lost, as they tried on countless dresses. Abbie, completing their trio, pulled off a steaming hot orange dress, and Kaitlyn found a black and white number that Amelie almost salivated over which was good enough for her. Her girlfriend picked out a dress but refused to let her see yet.  _ Not fair! Although the mystery does make me excited... _

Preparing the flat for a party felt just like the old days, and Kaitlyn was really beginning to feel like things had gone back to normal. Before starting, Amelie sat her down and they had a long talk about what they had both done wrong and how to prevent future upset. She accepted that she did involve herself in Kaitlyn's life and sometimes that could be overbearing, but there was no way she could manage not to worry about Kaitlyn if she saw things going wrong. She'd try to do better about how she approached Kaitlyn with a concern. Kaitlyn apologized for failing to realize how her new friends were changing her behaviour and she was shutting her old friends out, for shouting at Amelie rather than talking, and most of all for calling her jealous and saying she had never supported the band. That was what had really hurt Amelie, as she explained that she always trusted Kaitlyn but that didn't mean she wasn't worried about the influence Natasha was having on her or what Natasha might do, and didn't mean she wasn't upset that Kaitlyn had tried to hide that she was hanging out with her, over Amelie, especially when she was already seeing her at band but Amelie less and less. Kaitlyn apologized again, and explained how she had been feeling the last few weeks, how Natasha's coldness made them all want to make her like them, and accepted that claiming Amelie never cared about the band was deeply unfair. 

 

They hugged, made up and went to help prep the flat. Interrupted again by an unexpected arrival: James, upset from LA after it seemed he had been molested by his producer and left the movie project as they'd changed everything about his story. She lost her girlfriend to talking through things with him, and then to sitting down and writing some more of her novel, but at this stage it was nice to chill with Zack, Chris, Abbie and Tyler for a while and she knew Amelie needed to get writing to ensure she still had her scholarship for next year. She had no idea how far along she was, thanks to her spending so little time with her the past few weeks, and that, she discovered, left her sad. Evidently they managed to get some work done, because Amelie ran out of the flat, saying she had arranged an update meeting with Professor Atiyah, kissing Kaitlyn on the fly. She returned an hour before the celebration was to start, seemingly less stressed.  _ I've been absent to her for the entire time she's been writing this book, we all have. She needed me to be there for her more than I was this term. _ She would have to do better.

 

Zig arrived, and was a little cool, and Kaitlyn still felt conflicted about everything that had happened but tried to be as friendly as she could and he thawed a bit. It would take a while for both to undo the hurt they had caused each other, but if Zig was Amelie's friend then he was going to be Kaitlyn's too.

 

Now they were all here, they went up to the roof, sipping drinks and catching up. Kait alternated between sitting on her reconciled partner's lap, finding out everything about school and the book, everything she should have been there for this semester, and catching up with James and his LA (mid)adventure. She was still a bit envious, it was a dream to live in a big city like Los Angeles or New York.

 

Finals were coming up soon, but they had earnt this chance to relax. She'd have said it was too late to work now anyway, but, well, she had proven that wrong today! They toasted Chris' successful proposal and Zig came through and apologised for judging them and for ruining Kaitlyn's gig, thanking them for welcoming him in. She knew she owed him one back, and gave it, heartfelt, and to the rest of the crew as well. She'd been a crappy person these last couple of months, and most of what she'd vented in the last few days had been based on frustration at herself, frustration she hadn't even realized was there until she discovered the extent of her self-sabotage.

 

After that it was light-hearted again, and it cumulated, Amelie needing some anecdotes to flesh out the characterisation in her book, in the same way that they'd started the year: Truth or Truth, but all questions asked by Amelie. And it revealed some bangers. Zig was scared of fish. Chris had peed in a hedge maze. And Kait herself had to come clean about her shower eating, to the dismay of her flatmates. 

 

They were interrupted by a ringing on the doorbell that they worried might be a burglar (well, half-jokingly) only to find it was a much nicer surprise: Brandon back early from Peru!

 

That left Zack happier than he'd been for weeks, and the catching up with Brandon distracted everyone enough that Kaitlyn got to spend some more time talking to Amelie alone. Amelie asked what would happen to the band now, and suggested that Kait tried to do something with Amara.  _ You know what, that was exactly what I was thinking… _ It felt great to be able to talk about music with her girlfriend, and she felt silly for not trying harder with it before. The new band would even be able to widen their sound, try stuff from different genres! Just feeling so grateful and happy to be spending time with Amelie again, she kissed her, delighting in her lips, until both decided they should probably redirect their focus back to their friends. Before that though, Kaitlyn suggested, hopefully, that they "pick this up again later", to which Amelie's eyes sparkled and she whispered, "My room once everyone goes to bed. Wear stuff to stay the night. But you've been a naughty girlfriend, you're gonna have to prove to me that you can be a good girl."

 

In husky undertones, that made Kaitlyn shiver with anticipation, her body acting as if it were chilled, possibly because all of its heat was flowing to her pussy. Amelie was clearly in the mood to take charge, and after all the stress and being pulled one way and the other recently, Kait was in the mood to be told what to do.

 

Aside from herself, everyone else got tipsy, and filtered off to bed, or home for Zig, and James coming back early meant his house was still sublet out, so Kaitlyn took him into her bedroom and tucked him in, leaving with the change of clothes she intended to wear for Amelie. Pyjamas, her most girly, cute ones, to emphasise who was in charge tonight, with her sexiest underwear beneath. There was something artistic about that contrast she was sure.  Changing in the bathroom quickly, giving herself a speedy trim and wash down below to be ready for intimacy that had been waiting a while, she crept into her girlfriend's bedroom.

 

And found her wearing the punk outfit she'd worn to the gig, the one that had made Kaitlyn leak a bit and gasp for air. Leather jacket and all, sitting cross-legged on the edge on the bed. 

 

"Uh uh. You've been bad, Kaitlyn, I need you to get on your knees and ask forgiveness."

 

_ Fuck _ ! That made her so weak at her knees, as if her legs had all the strength sapped out of them, and so turned on that falling to them was almost reflexive. She basically collapsed, now lower than Amelie who was smirking with benevolent intent. 

 

She knew what part she was expected to play tonight, Amelie in a rare domineering mood, and right now she was so into this. 

 

"Please forgive me, Amelie. I'll do whatever you want, whatever you say, if you do."

 

"Took you a while to get here. I even got started without you." She uncrossed her legs, now spread, showing Kaitlyn what the future held for her.

 

She wasn't wearing any underwear, and her perfect, pretty little vulva was right at Kait's eye-level, part opened and glistening, a frank suggestion. 

 

"Down to your undies, Kait." She complied, staying low to the floor, heat rising to her cheeks and pleasant warmth to the rest of her body when Amelie wolf-whistled her lacy lingerie. "Looking good, girlfriend." Her voice temporarily lost its simulated sternness, as she gently said, "If things get too much, we'll use the traffic light system. Green means more, Amber means slow down. If you say Red, I promise I'll stop no matter what. Now scoot over here."

 

Kait decided the best way to do this would be to crawl, and from Amelie's smile, she knew she'd picked right. It did a lot for her too, to be honest, approaching the reward of Amelie's sopping garden at a tantalising, self-torturing pace. Soon she was a foot away and could smell the overpowering scent, ripe for her. Looking at her lover's eyes she prepared to dive in, to please her like she expected Amelie wanted, ready to dedicate this entire night to pleasing her, whether she got an orgasm or not at the end (she knew that Amelie would pay her back in the near future if not), showing her how much she loved her, enjoying the taste of her delicious pussy, a taste she sincerely hoped no other human bar Amelie herself would ever get to experience. But with a foot, Amelie stopped her. "My little love-fountain is a special prize, I know you want it. But you've been naughty, you can't just have it. You need to ask nicely."

 

_ Oh  _ **_God_ ** . That turned on a tap inside her.

 

"Please, Amelie, let me lick your pussy until you come, I need to taste it. It's the only one I ever want." She knew she didn't have to do this, but the implication that she had no interest in other girls, the name Natasha unspoken, would make Amelie happy, even if she wasn't jealous. 

 

The nymph before her wasted no time, pulling her in by her neck and holding her head against her soaking, fragrant crotch as Kaitlyn lapped with a frenzy, enjoying the light tension on her purple hair. Amelie in this mood could be firm and even a touch aggressive but never rough. 

 

She savoured this taste she knew was hers alone as Amelie quickly came to orgasm, clamping down on her cheeks with her thighs. She needed no recovery time to haul Kaitlyn onto the bed and take off her underwear slowly. "Now, I know you'll be a good girl and obey what I ask. But I need to punish you for being bad before we do anything else." This was new, but Kait had utter trust in her. She obediently bent over Amelie's knee as instructed, and gasped with mixed pleasure and, not really pain but rather sharp shock as Amelie spanked her firmly but without venom several times. It actually felt nice, a bit demeaning but that was part of this roleplay. Each smack made her wetter and her arse cheeks hotter, and when it got to the point that she thought she might have to ask to slow things down, but Amelie read her like one of the hundred novels she read, knowing her better than anyone ever had, much more than her band mates, maybe in a different way and in different aspects as much or more than even herself. She stopped at just the right moment, and started to massage her bum, working in cool cream. The already sensitive skin there meant Kaitlyn started moaning with no control, especially as Amelie toyed with the area around her anus. Usually she wasn't in to ass play on herself, though she loved Amelie's happy reaction when she touched Amelie's most forbidden fruit, but here and now she was in to whatever Amelie wanted. She trusted that whatever Amelie thought she'd like, she would, and she could stop this at any moment. As it was, with the other girl firmly in control, it felt naughty and surprised her with how erotic it was.

 

_ Maybe I'll have to rethink that taboo… _

 

Amelie was edging her towards climax now, but emphasising that Kait needed to earn back her satisfaction, she stopped as she got close, and pulled her face back to the honeydew mound she had feasted on before. No complaints about that: she loved to eat her girlfriend out and had mentally accepted that tonight wasn't about her gratification. As she dove in with gusto, Amelie undressed, finishing with pulling her dress over her head as she was being licked, face flushed but manner composed. A sex goddess. Using her hair as a handle, she moved Kaitlyn's earnestly sucking and lapping mouth over her pert nipples, her clit, even her back-passage, meticulously cleaned, and Kaitlyn didn't hesitate to make love to every inch with her mouth, again surprising herself with how much she enjoyed the last one. 

 

They went at it for aeons, the merciful Amelie relenting and letting Kaitlyn come several times in the end, all without resorting to any toys, Kaitlyn clearly marked as Amelie's "territory" (in a romantic manner of speaking) as she fell into contented slumber nude next to her.

 

The next week they dragged each other through exams, made easier by helping Kaitlyn with her make up tests but Kait found the repeated exams so soon after the first set, which it turned out she had aced, exhausting in the extreme. Still, she studied every night with Amelie which made it all bearable. Feeling unbelievably grateful, and with a sense of providence, she was finally getting ready for Spring Fling, the academic year's final dance, all with friends she still feared she didn't deserve and had done everything to lose, and the most wonderful girlfriend in the world. A drop dead gorgeous one, wearing a fairytale silver dress to Kait's black and white silk, one that made her fight a magnetic force to look away from. 

 

She had to compose herself constantly to stop herself from cracking early. She had bought a special gift, hand crafted from a fancy jewellery store, a gold and crystal necklace in the shape of a rose.  _ Because she's my flower, in every sense. Alluring. Elegant. Full of life. Smells great.  _ She wanted to gift it at the perfect moment during the dance, hiding it in her clutch. 

 

The event was in the quad, made up wonderfully by the committee headed by Madison, covered in lights and fortuitous white blossom. It was an event full of good news, with Zig getting a scholarship with Chris' programme to attend next year, as well as everyone being happy to see James back, Chris successful etc. Even Madison had the great news of going on a summer cruise.  After chatting to some other classmates, who were relieved that she had started attending again, as well as Amara (mentioning her new band idea, to which the other lady seemed interested, as well as congratulating her on her confirmed relationship with Darren ), she snatched her Amelie back from Zig, who had the grace to apologise once more, and felt in heaven dancing with her, nuzzling and promising to do her best to keep making Amelie happy.

 

_ Bits of this year have sucked. But I've learnt so much about life and myself. I've got a perfect girlfriend, who loves me and I love and I lost my virginity to. I'm having mind-blowing sex. I have great friends. I've passed the year. I came out and the world didn't end and my parents are becoming supportive, and I can be myself and discover myself more than ever before. And even now I've learnt I'm a good singer and I love music and made some great music. Life is great, on balance _ .  _ But I can't ever forget how much I screwed up. _

 

She felt she'd missed out on so much this term. Tyler and Abbie had had sex! And she'd been so obsessed with impressing some punk chicks she had no idea. She promised, herself and her friends, that she'd do better next year. Maybe they'd live together again? She'd love to live with Amelie but doing so without the rest of their friends seemed like rushing things.

 

Speaking of her girlfriend, she needed to let her know how much she meant to her, she deserved.

 

Pulling herself from a conga line she had been sucked into whilst collecting drinks for the two of them, she hunted her down at a conveniently empty gazebo, catching her with a kiss. "If anyone deserves to be having a good time tonight, it's you. I love you Amelie." Her eyes were like pools in moonlight. "I love you too, Kaitlyn."

 

It was amazing that she had found love but she was sure this was it. Impossible to have imagined before it happened.  It was time to give her the rose that symbolised her heart. She slipped it out, and Amelie gasped. "Oh, Kait, it's gorgeous!" 

 

It didn't fit her current dress, but she seemed enamoured with it. So much that she dragged Kaitlyn back to the apartment, now entirely empty with the others still at the dance. This time, tearing their dresses off like an animal, it was Kaitlyn's turn to take charge and Amelie's to beg, mewling and coming almost at first touch. They finished the year bathed in each other's sweat, sharing a bed, and Kaitlyn fretted briefly about surviving a summer without her love. But they'd manage. They'd meet up of course, and try to visit each other at least once and meet their families properly. And Kait knew the next year would be even better in the end.

 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intend to get through the Sophomore in just a few chapters after spending 27 on the first 3 books! Sorry it'll be more condensed but it'll be worth it once I'm into the post graduation stuff.


	28. Our House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is brief and sex free, but I'm trying to get the story along to where it's interesting from Kait's perspective again.
> 
> Hoping for the next chapter to be out fairly soon, and to get through Sophomore Book 1 in 3 chapters max.

One year after starting there, a year in which her entire life had changed, her world had shifted, Kaitlyn was giddy to return back to Hartfeld. Her Summer had been simultaneously incredible and a heartwrenching wait to spend more time with her friends and girlfriend. They had spoken over the phone almost daily, and spent a couple of weeks together on the impromptu roadtrip and festival that Zack had invited them to, and that had been an incredible experience (sharing that time with Amelie and the others, but also seeing LA and of course the festival itself - full of bands Kaitlyn had always dreamed of seeing), but it wasn't the same thing as living in the same suite. That was going to be different this term as well, of course, but the same campus was close enough.

 

_ Next year Amelie and I will hopefully live together again, though. _

 

She was sad she hadn't gotten to visit Amelie's parents, nor any of the others the roadtrip had passed through before reaching her own Texas, but having them visit her home was wonderful, and now her parents wouldn't stop raving about how much they loved Amelie.

 

On that topic, despite moments of awkward insensitivity, things were as good as they'd ever been with her parents, and she'd come out to her other close family and friends back home as well, empowered by what had happened at college rather than scared by it. Some of her family were clearly struggling but so far most of what she'd heard had been supportive, if sometimes confused. Her friends had a mixed response. Some had cut their ties to her, but screw them. Some had ignored it, whether through awkwardness, mixed feelings or just not believing it should matter she didn't know, but a few had rallied around her, and she knew who she could trust now. It hadn't been the disaster she had once envisaged.

 

She'd also learnt the guitar, finding that she could pick it up pretty easily, and started to listen to even more music and tried her hand at writing lyrics using her newly restarted diary as inspiration. That along with watching films and anime and trying to stay fit jogging used up a lot of her break, but she enjoyed it all. Making music felt even more natural than it had when it first captivated her a few months ago, and after some messaging between parties, she had managed to convince Rachel that she'd enjoy continuing the old band with her and Amara. She thought they'd probably need one more person for depth, a keyboard or something, but she was confident enough with the guitar after continuous practice that she thought they could make it work without Natasha. 

 

That dream was still alive, but the dream of finding a cool roommate to succeed her amazing friends from last year died a horrible death. Kaitlyn was dropped off by her parents only to find she was sharing with Leila, who not only had bad blood with their whole group due to them backing Abbie over her with Tyler, but also had been a firm supporter of Sebastian in the student council. Hopes that she would be more mellow as a roommate were crushed when she set out the dorm rules, apparently not considering that her dictating them all was equally nonsensical as it was tyrannical. 

 

That irritation flew away swiftly when Kait let off some steam at Tyler and Abbie's new home, a place she was sure she'd see a lot more of. And it transfigured into pure joy when, after weeks of absence, Amelie arrived. Hair grown out enough to braid, she looked fabulous in a casual blouse, smiling and appreciating Kaitlyn's own new bob haircut. 

 

_ She's grown more beautiful over the summer if anything.  _

 

It turned out that everyone was having the same roommate issues: and not just because they'd set the bar so high last year. Zack had the pedantic, controlling Edgar. Amelie had Rachel, which made Kaitlyn optimistic for a moment until it had transpired that she was a "trash goblin", to quote her girlfriend word for word. Chris was placed with another football player, Manny, but one who seemed a macho, testosterone poisoned douchebag. And Zig seemed unable to connect with his dormitory.

 

They quickly moved onto happier things, talking about their plans for year. Some were obvious, like Chris and Football and student politics, but they confirmed that Amelie, having finished her mentor's book now and awaiting publishing, was going to join James' newspaper team, and Kait herself revealed her plan to resurrect her band, but better due to the lack of one harpy. They even talked Zig into trying out for the Football team.

 

That was followed by Amelie giving Kaitlyn a close up tour of the pile of refuse that her (and most importantly Rachel's) room was. However, it came with a free pep talk from her girlfriend, with Kaitlyn admitting she felt nervous about stepping into Natasha's shoes and, for what seemed like the billionth time, Amelie reassuring her that she was talented and they would be better off without Natasha. 

 

_ How does she do it? I'm so glad she's in my life… _

 

They were just about to catch up more "closely" when the moment was truly ruined. By cockroaches streaming out from under the trash that littered Rachel's side of the room.

 

_ Oh. God _ .

 

In a curious way, that most unwanted and unsanitary "clam jam" was for the best in the end though. It turned out, after the imperfect accommodation situation came up when Amelie caught up with Gabriela over their impeding book, that Vasquez's daughter owned the professor's old, admittedly somewhat decrepit, house, and was willing to rent it out to them at an affordable price. 

 

Frankly, the inside was a wreck, and Kaitlyn hadn't been sold at first, but fuelled by Amelie and Zack's enthusiasm, and by the thought of a year living with Leila, she relented. Chris did too, and they had most of their little unit from Freshman year set up again. After signing the rental contract, they got to work renovating and decorating, and though it took up the rest of their time before school started, by the end Kait was happy with what they'd done with the place. She picked out her room, and got started on making it a punk paradise.

 

It turned out that they had a last surprise waiting for them though. A couple of days in, with Kaitlyn really getting into the experience of sharing this big house that was already starting to feel like their own, spending time with her girlfriend when they were both free (schoolwork was already underway, and Amelie was busy with the newspaper as much as Kaitlyn was with writing and looking for a new keyboardist for the band, luckily their free time seemed to coincide though), Kaitlyn came home to find an unexpected face brought into their living room. One she never expected to see in Amelie's company, though she'd been well behaved at the Aurora festival when she'd tagged along at the last minute. Becca Davenport. As close to anything their group had to a rival.

 

Whatever reason she had for being here, she started off by insulting first Zack's clothes, then Kaitlyn's hair, so she was getting a punch in the face. Just as Kait got started to lay back into her, Amelie came in to make the peace.

 

She wanted her to live with them, a ludicrous suggestion that immediately started to stress Kaitlyn out, but then she explained why. Becca's parents had just divorced, leaving her without much money (though her dad paying the college tuition fees), something Amelie would obviously understand from last year. She had been voted out (no surprises) as Kappa president, lost all her friends in the fallout and left the sorority, unable to pay fees. She was stuck living on someone else's couch, alone, and obviously not used to or equipped for this change in lifestyle. And to be fair, she looked like crap. There was little surprise that compassionate, empathetic Amelie was taking pity on her. God knew she hadn't earned it though. 

 

But by the end, after hearing their objections, Becca looked so distraught that they couldn't help but feel as Amelie did, influenced by her empathy. After setting some rules, they agreed, and Amelie took their new housemate off the Uskea to buy furniture.

 

Once they came back, they had a quiet evening of horror movies and popcorn, and a great chance to bond further as a house. It culminated in Becca announcing she was going to host a house party there, a bit bold for her first day in their group, but Kaitlyn didn't mind too much. She loved hosting parties and the house was pretty perfect for it, a chance to show it off and use the yard space as well was worth thinking about. Little did she know how obsessive Becca would get about preparing for it at the end of week when the day finally came along, basically slave-driving them all to blow up balloons and decorate.

 

_ I'm getting tired of being ordered around by someone we are doing a favour to. _

 

 A sentiment, despite her "niceness" (that was how people saw Amelie though Kait knew she wasn't "nice" as such. Gentle, kind, loving, yes, but anyone who thought she was bland or a pushover hadn't spent enough time with her), that Kaitlyn's girlfriend clearly shared, tearing into Becca when she wouldn't calm down her mean, overly organising streak and was caught berating the rest of the house for not working quickly enough. "If you don't like living here, you are welcome to leave!" indeed. That only temporarily distracted the beast, though, and Kaitlyn dragged her girlfriend away on the excuse of getting food and ice. Really, she just needed a break at last.

 

It was a wonderful one, finding a vintage record store and giving them time to make out and to talk about their growing up, a moment of shared histories that drove them close together in the same way that their rebellion against the Becca tyranny was, and by the time it came to an end the house had been fully prepared by the rest of the group, leaving Kait feeling a little like she had betrayed them. There wasn't long to worry though, because after a quick spell to get ready, Amelie debuting a sexy black lace number with emo queen vibes (she knew Amelie's natural taste in music and clothes was perkier than Kait's punk and dark inclinations, but it made her so happy to see Amelie not only expanding her wardrobe and playlist for her but increasingly getting into it too. Pastels and elegant chemises looked great on Amelie too, but she killed the edgier vibe as well. She looked like a rockstar queen). It was great to catch up with friends it felt like they hadn't seen in ages, and Kaitlyn was starting to think this hadn't been a bad idea at all.

 

By the end of the night, that had changed. Thanks to the return of the one person Kaitlyn would have, before the other girl's change in circumstances, picked Becca as a guest over. 

 

Sebastian.

  
  
  



	29. Drive

Sebastian had turned up uninvited (well, technically Becca, without asking, had invited everyone, but he really should have known better given their history) and broken Zack's beloved wine rack, instilled by him earlier that day with Amelie, claiming it was an accident. 

Unsurprisingly this had become a full on confrontation, none of the house willing to believe he was there in good faith and had just happened to cause damage, rather than as a continuation of their acrimonious interactions from last year. After he had left, swearing his revenge and telling them they'd be sorry, laughably reminiscent of his vile character from James' play (the last time there had been any love between him and the group), it took some effort to simmer down, even Amelie clearly incensed at his vandalism, and though the party continued with the guests seemingly unperturbed, Kaitlyn and her friends' hearts weren't really in it any more. As she finished up chatting to various students, she couldn't dispel the background thought that they'd been unfair.

But it's way too coincidental that he would come, apparently to say sorry, but without actually speaking to us to apologise before that, and then just happen to damage our new house. And he can't have thought that he'd be welcome without at least talking to us first. And his parting remarks… what does he think he is, a supervillain?

Kait went to bed unable to thoroughly shake that feeling, but with it overridden by seething anger. Even if he were being honest, his reaction showed he wasn't going to be able to be friends with them. Everyone deserved second chance, God knew Kaitlyn had needed one herself, and they'd just given Becca one, but Sebastian had never shown the same cry for help that she had, and had been frankly more spiteful than Becca's background bitchiness. It wasn't the same thing, and they owed him nothing.

The next day was Saturday and, whilst Chris was busy at Practice, Zack was meeting some old school friends in town, Becca was doing God knows what, and Amelie was working with James on the Gazette article she had amongst other things, Kait found the perfect opportunity to practice with the band in their new house.

They'd finally picked their new member, a talented pianist who could play keys called Annisa. She was a Freshman, and was sweet, classically trained but loved alternative music like J-Pop and K-Pop, and connected excellently to the band when she'd tried out with them.

They made some really good progress on a couple of songs, Kaitlyn working on the lyrics with Rachel and Amara fine-tuning the music, and they were sounding tight so far. Part way through practice, Amelie came back and listened, seemingly enjoying it which made Kaitlyn feel great: now that she was helping to write the songs too, there was nobody's opinion she cared about more. She even asked her girlfriend for some input on the lyrics of the song, and got some advice and some encouragement about the direction of the new band, allowing them to gush about their deviation from pure punk into a mix inspired by all their diverse musical tastes - Punk, metal, J-Pop, K-Pop, Kait even had some other ideas to incorporate later. When Amelie asked about what their plans were, Kaitlyn got excited.

I've wanted to tell her this news for ages!

Amara's excitement was quicker on the draw though, and she basically splurted out "We are trying out for Battle of the Bands!"

This was a huge deal, a chance to show that they were great after the debacle of their last gig and the uncertainty of their future without Natasha. Kait felt cautiously optimistic. The band sounded great to her, and she was pretty sure her instincts for music and her taste were good, but it was hard to shake that niggling doubt, that insecurity that Natasha herself had instilled with her backhanded ways. The atmosphere in the band felt amazing, and it made Kait realise how toxic things had been, underneath the excitement of her new love for singing, when Natasha was there and in charge, but her absence did leave Kaitlyn feeling like she had a lot to live up to.

Thankfully her girlfriend was a master of helping her feel like she was enough.

It was her hobby, for lots of people, she was pretty sure, as over the next few weeks she helped lift Zig and James' spirits to excel in their important matches, and used her role in the paper to boost their confidence, and Zack's, writing about their group road trip, whilst being sincere and writing with poise and integrity. Her articles obviously buoyed the Gazette as well, helping make the new issue a success, enough of one that they had yet another house party to celebrate. Another party marred by Sebastian. She had heard raised voices and powered into the kitchen to find Sebastian leaving in a huff and Amelie looking a mix of angry and upset. It turned out Tyler had invited him to the party (What was he thinking? I mean, he shouldn't necessarily be excluded because of our history, and he may even want to make amends, but you have to ask someone before you invite a person they aren't friends with to their house!) and Amelie's attempt to converse with him had turned sour. 

Kait was sure it was Sebastian's fault, and Abbie vehemently agreed, berating her boyfriend for sticking up for the snob, but Chris and even Zig seemed to think Sebastian might deserve a second chance, and after deliberation even Amelie seemed to agree. With the relaxed vibe of the party now interrupted and apparently now second-guessing herself, she looked like she needed help to relax and cheer up. 

Girlfriend mission accepted.

Within minutes a panting Amelie was looking a lot less disheartened, her gentle, cool hands placed on Kait's naked breasts like a balm. In her room, of course, neither of them were particularly keen for an active audience. For whatever reason, it was obvious that Amelie wanted to be in charge, pushing and pinning her down as she stripped and teased her.

"Oo, I love a women in charge. How feisty!"

She said that to wind up her wonderful girlfriend, but it was true. It turned her on when Amelie told her what to do, forcefully dragged her to the bed and held Kait's surrendering head over her soaking folds or thrust into her incessantly whilst ordering her to come. Just as it turned her on in a different way, addressed different desires when they made tender love on equal terms, or bucked together like schoolboys who couldn't help themselves, or when Kaitlyn herself made Amelie plead and beg and the other woman submitted to her. She had no idea if this variability in their sexual hierarchy, such as it was when they both knew they loved and doted on each other, was normal, but it did make for a great balance and it did mean that ever sexual liaison was inherently but differently erotic. Like having several lovers but all one soul, one personality to fall in love with.

Amelie just smiled at her joking though. "You're such a dork." A tender kiss. "But you're my dork. I love you."

"I love you too." And she did, her heart was slush just being here with her, hardly a romantic setting, fucking in the refuge of this bedroom whilst a party ebbed out around them. 

More than one hour and several switches of lead later, they had abandoned the party and a satisfied Amelie fell into exhausted sleep on Kaitlyn's lap. She paused and smiled, looking at the serenity on her girlfriend's perfect face, before easing her head onto the pillow. 

I should go back to my room.

But what were girlfriends for if not to comfort each other, be that emotionally, sexually or, as now, physically? Instead she tucked the two of them in, and spooned her, drifting off to join her lover in dream land. 

She awoke to find Amelie gone, with a note that said she'd gone to help Chris relax (later she found, to her envy, that it had been at a swanky spa!) and had a meeting with James about the paper, so she took a leisurely morning to tidy up, do some work and sit down and look over their stuff for the Battle of the Bands. A little later on, Amelie returned, looking refreshed. It turned out the Gazette's next big article was on the BotB, and Amelie was writing it.

Awesome! My girlfriend writing on the event basically means free advertising, or at least a guaranteed focus, right?

 

Amelie burst that bubble somewhat. It had been made clear that she had to be impartial, and her professional side wanted to be as well. But as she pointed out, that didn't matter if Kaitlyn's band managed to be objectively, undeniably good, and that was the plan anyway! 

She told Amelie about some gigs that competing bands would be playing at, inviting her to one later that night, delighted she accepted. If I can get her to come to rock shows as dates, it would be the most perfect thing ever. Besides, as beautiful and attractive as straight A student Amelie was, it was nice to have some sexy rocker Amelie to perve at in tight leather from time to time.

She felt a bit less secure when Amelie asked about her band's gigs though, as they hadn't been able to book any. 

It's just been hard to get people to commit to a new band.

She explained that the credit from the Gutter Kittens didn't necessarily pass over. "Natasha wrote most of our songs. I think most people saw her as the brains, the core of our talent." And that was pretty gutting. "So we are starting from scratch. We have to make a name for ourselves and it's tough to get people to take notice of you as a new band out there. That was kind of why I was hoping for some publicity from your article…"

Amelie said she understood. And as she pointed out, the trouble was they weren't getting any gigs to actually report on. So, helpful and hopeful as ever, she dragged Kait to Tyler to sort their publicity out, starting with their website. 

Tyler was amazing at coding, it seemed. Before long, they had a professional looking website, and were set up to design some business cards to hand out, When Kaitlyn realised to her horror that in their glee to work on some great music, the band had never discussed what to call themselves. A desperate last minute text conference between the 4 of them led to only blank minds and some really bad suggestions, so she turned to Amelie in her time of need, just as her girlfriend finished probing a weirdly evasive Tyler when he'd brushed off a call from Abbie. Weird. I hope they are ok. Still, she had no idea what to call this band. 

Amelie's suggestion was "The Endless". Nice. Even those who wouldn't get the Neil Gaiman Sandman reference, which was surely where her inspiration was, with its Goth Girl Death and rich tapestry of new mythology, would surely pick up the general, universal ennui vibes. It was better than anything else they had, for sure! One of their songs was even called "The High Cost of Living". She checked in with the rest of the band, and they kind of liked it. 

"Great, thanks Amelie. The Endless we shall be. You're a genius." 

They just had enough time to pick up the cards before heading to their date, also a chance to scope out the opposition, that evening. Kaitlyn dressed in her leather jacket and jeans, and gave a comedic but sincere wolf whistle when Amelie joined her leaving the house in a cute purple skirt with a tight black top that accentuated her chest. Hot, rocker Amelie is back, and all mine! 

The gig was great. She got to hang with her girlfriend in her optimal environment, with Amelie seeming engrossed in the atmosphere and the music in a way that made Kaitlyn happy to her core. She loved this kind of music and wanted to feel like she could share that love with the person she loved. As Amelie had been so separate and new to that scene, with the barrier of Natasha, last year, she had never felt like she could truly share this connection, to bond over music, but now, this year, this date… it really felt like she could. 

They even got a chance to show the cards to the other members of the newly Christened "The Endless", and to hand them out to interested members of the audience and to the venue itself. But also got some bad news. Natasha's new band, the Loose Pins, was playing tonight, and competing to make it into the Battle of the Bands. And whilst she and Amelie were chilling and talking to audience members to see which bands they were interested in, Natasha came up to gloat.

Why couldn't she just stay out of my life? I have nothing to say to her.

Amelie wisely reminded her to keep her cool, but it was so difficult with that smug face there, the memory of her backhanded comments fresh in her mind's ears. 

"Oh look who it is. Did you come to listen to some real bands play, or are you just here to start another riot?"

How does she physically manage to stay such a bitch?

As soon as Kaitlyn mentioned her new band, she startled needling her about the fact that they weren't in this gig. And she had to struggle to stay calm. "Have fun being a spectator, Kaitlyn. Because that's all you're gonna be from now on." And with that spiteful finale, she sauntered off backstage, cutting Kaitlyn right at her insecurity. Amelie held her hand. "Relax, she's all talk." 

"Yeah, but what if she's right? What if the Loose Pins really are as good as she says." Amelie shrugged, dismissive not of her concerns but of her competition. "So what if they are. It doesn't stop your band from being good. You are amazing, Kaitlyn."

"But there can only be one winner at the Battle of the Bands. Look, promise me you won't give the Loose Pins any more promotion than you have to?"

Before her girlfriend could reply, Amara, Darren and the others rejoined them from the bar and the music started.

At first she couldn't concentrate on the music, too worried thinking about what Natasha had said. But Amelie distracted her, calming her and kissing her and she started to enjoy the art itself. Until the Loose Pins, headed by that self-satisfied face, like a particularly arrogant cat, came on stage.

Sadly, they were good. Really good. Upsettingly good. And as much as this was meant to be fun, and as much as she had loved spending time with music and her girlfriend at the same time, the fears and frustration and her anger at Natasha and what she'd done last year and said tonight became too much. She had to go home..

Storming out, shaking off Amelie's attempt to soothe her, she went to bed, silently screaming into her pillow until she calmed down.

I'm sorry Amelie, I didn't cope with that too well, but that witch has hurt me too much. Made me hurt you. And the universe gives her every success? It's not fair.

It's not your fault though. I'm a shitty girlfriend. 

Resolved to work through it tomorrow and to apologise to her girlfriend, left treading water on a date she had dragged her to, she let sleep take her. 

That drive to make it up to her disintegrated a couple of days later when she read Amelie's report on the online version of the newspaper. She hadn't held back… about how good Natasha's band had been! Worse, the beautiful cadences and melodic descriptions Amelie had used made the description so vivid, so evocative, that Kaitlyn found herself fuming back in that club, a graphic flashback of slow motion colours and blazing sound, watching that shit-eating grin on the face of a woman who had made her less than herself, worse than herself in trying to become a dark shadow of Natasha's empty heart, lured in by her talent and aloofness. Had hurt her friends and relationship, torn apart her confidence, negged her and manipulated her like a womanising frat boy, then knowingly hit her where it hurt that very night. She knew she was to blame for the way she had acted back then, but it didn't make the callous indifference with which Natasha had toyed with them right. Watching that face avoid all karma as it shouted out, accompanied by glorious, regimented discord, music it had no right to be so good at. It reminded Kaitlyn of how weak she had been to run away from the gig and how bad a person she had been a few months ago, most of all, and she couldn't stand it. It triggered her. There, she admitted it to herself.

Worst of all, Amelie's words were just the truth, dressed in the language to make it as real as it had been the first time around. That's the only reason they could have this effect. And this article was rubbing that in her face, that Natasha was better that she was, the reason the Gutter Kittens had done well, that The Endless was doomed without her. 

She charged into Amelie's room, print out of the front page in hand, to confront her, blood pounding in her ears and heart thumping in her chest.

"What the hell is this?"

How could she do this to me, killing her with her eloquent eulogy to my bully, our bully?

As she vented at Amelie she started to feel guilty at the growing look of hurt on her face.

"Kaitlyn, you know I'll help you out however I can, but I'm not going to lie to do it." 

She couldn't stay angry. It wasn't Amelie's fault that Natasha's band were good, that she hadn't gotten any gigs, that Natasha was a bitch or that she herself had allowed herself into acting so stupidly. What she'd written had been truth. And writing anything else would have been obvious, dishonest and unfair on James. And wouldn't be a good way to get success either, frankly. Who wants to be reliant on the pity of a loved one to get a break, nevermind reliant on them sacrificing their integrity?

She softened. I did all that thinking about apologising for the other night, and now I've done the complete opposite.

"I know. I'm sorry I came in all guns blazing."

She sat down, and did what she should have started with, should have done yesterday. Opened up. 

"I just really want The Endless to succeed and I guess it's hard to separate that from beating Natasha at this point."

Like a blanket, down to the comforting scent that her nose and mind intrinsically linked to love, Amelie wrapped around her, reminding her that beating Natasha by performing and being better would be much more satisfying than slagging her off in the press. "You're gonna beat her the right way. You'll get your opportunity." And to be fair, Amelie had spent much of the last few days helping to get her that opportunity. "The Band has your back. I have your back. Believe in yourself."

She should write inspirational speeches. 

"Why are you right all the time? By the way, I may not have loved the content, but you are one hell of an article writer." Painfully so. She got a smirk in return. "I know". 

Soothed, and feeling ashamed for the way she'd acted, she kissed her girlfriend and sent her off to calm down her next target, a worryingly insane Becca down in the kitchen, and went out to work out with the band how to beat Natasha's best.

Later on, she had planned to take Amelie out to make it up to her, to the new sushi place that had just opened, but had to raincheck on that as Becca was dragging her girlfriend, dressed up elegantly, to rush at the Kappa house. 

Cool. We can go tomorrow. And I can catch up on the latest episode of Veil of Secrets with Chris. 

She didn't catch her girlfriend after she got back that night, so the next time she saw her was the following afternoon when she seemed stressed out of her mind. It turned out that not only was she pissed and disappointed at Becca, who had crashed her old sorority to sabotage Madison, but had also witnessed Chris struggling with another fight between Manny and Zig. She cares too much about how other people are feeling, if that's possible. Hopefully Kait could distract her though. Kaitlyn had been writing out new promotional posters for the band. They still didn't have a gig but seeing Natasha's band succeed was the driving whip Kaitlyn needed to push harder, and luckily the others felt the same way. Maybe it was a petty reason to start, but it came down to proving they could do it without her. And they would, plus as hard as they were working they'd never again do that to the exclusion of their loved ones and the rest of their lives, they would do it with those things in support. They just needed a break, a first gig to get their foot in the door. 

And much like the last time, for the Gutter Kittens, there was a sensible solution. Zack suggested it, actually.

They could host another party, given their last two attempts had been full and the talk of the whole school. And the Endless would play at it.


	30. Our House

They agreed to do it, Zack would build a stage and the band would rock it in a couple of weeks in front of, hopefully based on the past, a full backyard. And Amelie, thankfully, was happy that it was appropriate in this case to write a preview about the band and to let people know about the performance to come via the newspaper. 

 

They sat down and conducted an interview right then and there, Kaitlyn feeling grateful and more than a little turned on seeing Amelie's professional face and voice in action, picking up and running with the slightest nuance in phrasing and probing at any verbal or non-verbal clues and cues.  _ She's so good at this. _ And excellence was attractive, for sure. 

 

As Amelie teased out the soul of the band and the music with her insightful questions, Kaitlyn had a brainwave.She loved writing lyrics, and was sure that a writer like Amelie would too, and would add another dimension to a couple of their songs. It would hopefully be good for the band and a fun thing to do together. She asked, and the other girl was keen. So, excited, they did, with pretty good results.  _ Good enough to use if Amelie lets me, it's a completely different style to what I would do, poetic and abstract, but in a more prog-rock type song it would work really well! _

 

Once they had finished, Amelie "lured" her away to her bedroom, and they snuggled and fell asleep together within minutes. She woke late the next day to a cool and empty bed, but one she had been carefully tucked into, no flyers left and a bunch of messages from Amelie. Her wonderful girlfriend had been up earlier to put all the flyers up and, either hilariously or despicably, Kaitlyn wasn't sure, Natasha had been petty enough to follow her around and put her own posters on top of theirs, forcing Amelie to steal them away and run to lose her throughout half the campus. A scene Kait could only too easily imagine, with a smile. How did she get so lucky?

 

The two weeks leading up to their next party and The Endless' big debut flew by, but Kaitlyn thought they'd nailed the balance now. She managed to make all her classes, spend a little time with her beautiful girlfriend in front of the sofa and out of the house (and pressed together naked in bed) and practice intensely with the band without feeling empty. It was just so much easier when they were all enjoying the music for its own sake and without any negative comments and toxic atmosphere. In fact, if anything the band was sounding fresher and less regimented. Natasha's work ethic, in music at least, was something they had learnt from, and her positive influence musically still helped them now, but it was clear that the obsessive rerunning hadn't improved their music, and increasingly, whilst glad for the musicality and vocal tips their sessions had brought, Kaitlyn was convinced that Natasha's "solo sessions" with her had been an attempt to start stealing her away. Maybe that was ego talking, but Amelie and Amara seemed convinced there was something in it. Anyway, thank God that mistake was over, though she knew that she never would have gone for Natasha anyway. The differences she shared with Amelie were just as important in their love as the similarities, whilst the differences she had with Natasha were fundamentally a different philosophy in viewing the world that made them incompatible anyway. 

 

When it finally came down to it, their big night, the house was as packed as Kait had ever seen a party. Friends, classmates and randomers were strewn around the yard, with Zig and Chris and their football colleagues on guard duty in case any of the guests they knew less well started any trouble. Seeing that many people, knowing how hard her band had worked and worked to make things work without being obsessed, it filled her with raw excitement. The nerves were cleaner than they had been with her first Gutter Kittens performance, and purer than her first band's first gig, shorn of the stress of dealing with Natasha's poisonous, condescending aura and the difficulties she was having in being there for Amelie and her other friends. Then she had felt doubt and fear and a little self-obsessed frustration, a hubris at how underappreciated their art was and unfair everyone was being for having other priorities, which was what had boiled over into petulance and anger. Now she felt nervous but in a good way. Like with her first kiss, the thrill of some possible future greatness, an opportunity rather than a risk of failure. 

 

To be honest, after everything, that surprised her.

 

 With a kiss and a cutesy literal wish of "luck" from her girlfriend, Kaitlyn ascended her stage, their throne. And time stood still whilst they bared their souls and invited everyone into an expression of self that was much more sincere, authentic than the pretentiously harsh punk they had played before, borrowing not from one genre but from things that each member loved or saw as part of themselves. 

 

The crowd loved it, and Kaitlyn fell in love with this feeling all over again, her heart on fire, revelling in the music with the audience, feeling them feel it, then locking eyes with Amelie as she sang the lyrics they had written together. Passion like lightning flowed both way through their held gaze, and drove Kaitlyn on for the rest of the set, as did thinking about what she would do with her muse once she had her alone, all to herself. 

 

The next song itself mirrored that sentiment, the lyrics almost explicitly naming it, and she let her energy guide her, taking the mic off stage and wandering towards the source of that pull, Amelie swaying amongst their friends in tight black cotton, her eyes now demanding Kaitlyn to come and touch her  **now** . She followed it up with a kiss and a crooked, beckoning finger, and two silent words that anyone watching could lip-read. 

 

"My room".

 

It took Kaitlyn a few minutes to finish the set, her underwear soaked and her loins aflame, her voice raw with lust, and practically sprint to Amelie's room in the break, grabbing some ice as she went. 

 

_ Heh. I feel like I need to let off some steam and nothing is going to cool me down, but some literal cooling might make things even hotter _ .  

She'd been considering adding a new kink to their play for awhile, and the idea of using ice had hit her so suddenly it was impossible to ignore.

 

Everyone must know that she had disappeared from the yard and headed there to, being crude, fuck her girlfriend, but she found she didn't care. Amelie's frank invitation had been out of character, she was usually happy to be seen touching or kissing in public but careful not to make too much noise or their activities too obvious to other people once things became more… active. That she had been so undisguised was a sign of how horny she must be, how hot Kaitlyn had made her. That latter thought made her giddy, not least because she was just as inflamed herself. 

 

_ Fuck, I don't care if the whole party knows I'm rocking her world. The playlist is loud anyway, but if I make her scream then they'll just know how lucky we are. It's not like it's a secret or a surprise that we are together, and nobody is going to be shocked that we have sex in our own house. _

 

She found Amelie waiting, sat on her bed suggestively, her face begging her to sate her needs. As she asked, bemused, what the ice was for, Kaitlyn decided to show not to tell, pulling her up against the bookcase and letting gentle fondling and soft kisses build into a relentless rhythm of touching and grinding, grabbing Amelie by the wrist and butt almost forcefully but urged on by the vocals of her plaintive sighing. Before she knew it, Amelie had snatched Kaitlyn's top off and they were driving each other to the bed where Amelie tumbled them both down, deliberately landing beneath Kaitlyn and letting her keep charge. As she stripped Amelie assertively, she was thrilled to feel the sheer warmth of her body, rivulets of what must be mixed sweat and excitement trickling down one thigh as she removed her final defence against her assault on her senses, her matted panties.

 

Naked, Amelie was a goddess, latte skin as reminiscent of a Greek artwork of a nymph as her own actual hybrid roots. She was as hot to touch as Kaitlyn felt, hot enough to be some Sun God or Polynesian volcano spirit, with the lush, open femininity of Aphrodite on the leaner frame of Artemis. Kaitlyn had always preferred Artemis out of all the gods when she'd learnt about them anyway. She still did - she was convinced that the "virgin goddess" only counted from a male perspective. Nymph-like was a good description of her, effortless sexuality without lewdness, lush body and inherent grace. Her nymph and her muse, not that she could remember which one went with music.

 

That beautiful being was ready and unfurled below, as desperate as Kaitlyn was to reach the inevitable climax of their night, but there was no need to rush. Kait took out one of the ice cubes she had grabbed, the contrast between Amelie's sultry skin and the cube's cold bite agonisingly stark. She alternated hot kisses and the melting, icy cube across her lover's body, raising goosebumps and making her squirm and shiver, until she pressed the half-molten ice into the humid dampness of her inner thigh, causing a shiver and a jerking of mixed pleasure and breaking endurance. 

 

Then she warmed her love up with her breath, mouth and tongue, and gave way to ardour, both of them singing out loudly many times over the background music outside, until, uncaring, Kaitlyn was sure the entire house was their new audience.

 

_ The knowledge that people might have listened, and will have known what we've done, that was pretty hot. _

 

However, the noise went both ways: as they were lying together in bed, whining at the necessity to rejoin the crowd at the party, there was a sudden raising of voices downstairs. Amelie went to investigate whilst Kait got dressed a moment behind her and peeked from the stairs. 

 

Becca and Madison (mostly Becca, of course) were having an argument, seemingly about crashing house parties ( _ that sounds like Becca projecting her own guilty conscience _ ) but when you got down to it, it was about Becca feeling betrayed. Kaitlyn wasn't sure of all the details of what had happened since Becca had joined their house, but she saw enough insecurity in her, similar to what she herself had felt, to get why she was hurting. It sounded like Madison was trying to make things right though. 

 

_ It's not always easy to see that and to let the other person help you stop hurting yourself when you are so muddled up in your own guilt and angst though, I know that better than most _ .

 

 Despite Amelie's attempted (appropriate) intervention, it ended with Madison revealing she was the only person in the sorority who had actually voted for Becca, and storming out. 

 

_ Oh that looks sore _ . Kaitlyn wanted to try and reassure Becca despite their differences, but she wasn't brave enough to face the inevitable lashing out that would happen now. The party was cooling down anyway, so she took the chance to say goodnight to her bandmates, clear up a bit and head off to bed.

 

She lay in the next day, sleeping a much needed 12 hours before listening to some music whilst she alternated between jotting down song ideas, short riffs of melody and notes for her classes, and spent the evening and Sunday catching up with other friends she felt like she'd neglected too, like Arjun, and the next week stuck with classes, practice and hanging out with her girlfriend. So she felt a bit jealous and out of the loop when she found out what had been happening in her absence once she had a proper sit down with the rest of the house. Amelie's article in the next issue of the student paper was a hit, perfectly expressing the importance of the second chance scholarship and its impact on Zig, but another article took the front page, one Amelie had helped Reyna, the new sub-editor, finish investigating that weekend, with worrying implications- that a local company had plans for the area and had bought out all the other properties. The thought of being homeless if their home was also bought out was worrying, as was the whole corporate conspiracy thing. On a happier front, Zig and Chris's had made the State Championships and their misogynist teammate Manny had finally been dumped. But all of this was blown back when Abbie turned up at the house in tears, apparently unable to cope with her current relationship with Tyler.

 

_ Oh no.  _

 

That came as a real surprise given how good they'd seemed together from the start, but Kaitlyn guessed the warning signs had been there, even to someone apparently as clueless as herself. She felt for them, with Abbie apparently feeling like she barely had an existence of her own in other people's eyes aside from being with Tyler, which Kaitlyn could see as a frustrating thing, and it sounded like Tyler speaking over her and making assumptions hadn't been helpful. Kaitlyn knew from experience that losing your independence in a relationship, even with the best of intentions from your partner, was an unpleasant thing. She was confident they'd get through it though: if Amelie and she could get through the former's difficulty in giving space and her own sheer brattishness last year, two people as sweet as Abbie and Tyler would survive as a couple, if it were meant to be.

 

In the meantime, still feeling guilty about how she had treated Abbie last term, Kaitlyn offered Abbie her room for a while until she and Tyler sorted things out. The loss of personal space would be a hit, but the other girl needed it more for now. Besides, it gave her an excuse to spend time with her girlfriend, who gave the move her blessing (Kait had learnt enough not to commit to staying in Amelie's space without her being on board first), to make up for lost time when she had been neglecting their relationship last term, and also came with the guarantee of spending every night in Amelie's bed. They enjoyed that new status quo, giving them time to talk every night, to cuddle, listen to music or read together, or of course perform their most intimate double-act. After a while of the new set up, with school and music going well, Kaitlyn was as happy as she had been forever, helped by a now very active and mutually fulfilling sex life: what with the time apart over the holidays, and their troubles last semester and how busy things had been for both of them, they were on course to have more sex by the end of the month than they had done since the beginning of their relationship, every act a beautiful refuge from any of the stresses of college or the world. 

 

Things seemed to be going great for Amelie as well. After she went to James's graduation, she came back with happy news: she had been picked for a prestigious award (the Lauderdale-Poulson Award) by the National Association of Student Journalism for all her articles, which Kait felt was well deserved, along with the spike of pride she got from seeing her wonderful lover appreciated by others. She also came back with an invite for Reyna to sleep over for a girls' night in at their house which sounded exciting. Chris was away at Nationals and Zack.

 

But first, Kaitlyn had her biggest stress to get through. Her group's audition for Battle of the Bands.

 

Amelie had done wonders networking at the party, where she'd dressed to impress and using her charm and diplomacy to convince people in every clique, even those they knew only peripherally, to spread the word, and it was doing wonders in terms of being recognized around the school and had gotten them a few playing opportunities, as had the good reception to their gig at the party. But this was the show that their future was relying on. All or nothing.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I've been busy with work due to the Coronavirus pandemic (luckily been well, but our job definitely not one that we can do from home!) And looking after my 4 month old, but I am slowly writing every week! I will get there.


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